but even if He doesn't in 2016

I know. It's practically the middle of January but I want to talk about the fact that we are staring down the face of a brand new year. 2016. Criminitly, I feel old. [As you all hang your head, thinking, "You just used "criminitly"; you are old."]

I don't ever do a big thing for the new year. I've tried a few resolutions before. Last year I wanted to remember two truths  I had learned as I headed into the year; the year before that I took an image with me into 2014.

This year, as we tossed our old calendars and hung up the new one, I was able to spend a day in a little solitude. It was so good for my soul. And during that time I had a few things stand out to me that I want to remember as I head into this year, a year of unknowns as we add another girl to our family.

// I want to remember that day of solitude, and how good it is to abide in Christ. He is rest for the weary, and sometimes I just need His rest above all.

// In one of my first devotions for the year was the phrase: confident peace. In Christ I can have confident peace as I step into unknowns, as I face chaotic days, and as I grow fearful and weary. Confident Peace. Amen. 

// I finished a book at the end of the year called "Just Show Up". It was about exactly that: just show up for people. Sit with them in their grief and in their messes and in their hard stuff. Don't try to fix things for them or heal them: just show up. I want to do that more.

// And lastly: I was able to reflect some on the story in Daniel 3 of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego [it's really a shame I didn't have three boys…]. In that story, when they are confronted by King Nebuchadnezzer [or four boys…] for not bowing down to the golden image they say, "Throw us in the fire and our God will save us… But even if He doesn't we still won't bow down." God will show up. But even if He doesn't. That's a bold move. That's real, gritty, hard faith. And in 2016 I want to remember that and have that kind of "throw me in the fire" faith. I've been listening to a Lauren Daigle song called "Trust in You" on repeat [if you aren't, you should be too], and in it she proclaims the truth, "There is no place that I'll go, He's not already stood." 

I want to walk through hard things with people, abide in Christ, have confident peace at His hands, pray hard, and despite what happens… even if He doesn't … I want to still trust in Him. Because He's already stood in 2016.

Let's get this party started.

A year in review: 2015

 Brent always loves when I write my "Year in Review" posts so he can remember what we did last week. I know I spend more time on them than I should, because I know no one else really cares. This year I decided to just pick one or two pictures for each month, and then highlight a few things I wrote about during that time. Everything in italics is linked to an older post that you can read or re-read.

//January//

I wrote about a day at the spa [ha], and a story my wedding ring told me. 

And I wrote about trusting the mess and the grace in my days at home with the girls.

//February//

I decided to get in the boat more with the girls. We said good-bye to a life time neighbor and I reflected on what it really meant to be a neighbor. Oh, and I wrote some letters to women I see everyday. 

//March//

Blythe turned THREE and had a party and I wrote her her birthday letter.
I also gave a detailed how-to for having a phone conversation with your sister.   

I even busted out a little poetry to honor my old My Little Ponies.  [and still get teary eyed when I read this….shhhh]

[I wrote a lot in March, apparently, and I would be remiss to not also mention I wrote about a hawk flying around my house as a child and I also wrote an open letter the high chair which I am so sad I will have to bust back out…]

//April//

We took a trip to Kentucky and I wrote about what worked for us with traveling with little ones. Blythe left a BandAid on for nine days and it made me wonder what my "BandAids" are.  

I turned 29 and finally realized my identity. << [this was one of my biggest lessons/reflections from the year].

//May//

Our sweet Becks turned ONE and had a party and I wrote her her birthday letter. 

I also went out on a limb and shared my first round of dirty pics and everyone's response was awesome.  I pondered if texting or parenting while driving was more dangerous, and learned to give myself twenty minutes. 

//June//

I wrote about the power of the person in front of us, and I took a girls for a walk by myself for the first time ever.  Brent ran another half marathon, no big deal.

Oh, and I started praying that Jesus would get "stuck in my mouth" and I had my first garage sale meaning Blythe had her first lemonade stand. 

//July//

My writing began to slow down, but I took time to think about what it takes to create authentic community. I FREAKED the heck out and read Harper Lee's NEW/OLD book in less than five hours then wrote this review.  I thought about fences in my life. 

And because it was church camp season, I wrote 8 reasons you should send your kid to church camp: Part I and Part II. 

//August//

I started a new job, and softball season, and got pregnant [though no one knew yet], and took a lot of pictures for people. I barely wrote. 

And we had to say goodbye to Grandma Pat. 

//September//

Well, in September I just didn't blog at all. But I took A LOT of naps and coached A LOT of softball.

//October// 

We finally made our big announcement, and I shared the piece I actually wrote on August 3rd, the day we buried Grandma Pat and the day I found out I was pregnant.

And I hung up my coaching hat and said goodbye to being a part of a team. 
We also took a super quick trip to Iowa and hit up my old college and did a pumpkin patch with the girls.

//November//

I took a ton of pictures and started writing letters to baby number 3.  

Brent ran 30k for his 30th birthday, which I just realized I never blogged about. Maybe I'll do that.  We also went to Nashville for a week, and I never blogged about it.

//December//

I shared how I am trying. I really am. Not so much on the "real pants" thing though.

And I realized how thankful I am to have a good, good Father who continually calls out the good in me. [this was another big lesson for me this year]

I wrote our "Christmas Letter", and even managed to get a list up of the books I read this year. 

…..

And SCENE.

A full year. A year of growth, as I hope every year is. Donald Miller once wrote:

…everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like the seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing... Everybody has to change, or they expire…. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently. Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning.

And we did that, little by little, in 2015. And my prayer is that we'll do that even more in 2016; that we'll allow God to move us away from the people we were a moment ago and move us toward Him in bigger and better ways. 

a goal

In January I quietly set a goal and didn't announce it here because I didn't know if I'd stick with it or if any of you would care. So far I think I'm doing okay. But I still don't know if you care. 

I want to read 60 books this year. 

I thought that seemed reasonable but, you see, math isn't my strong suit and I didn't realize that there are 52 weeks in a year which means I have to read more than a book a week. So there's that. 

But I'm loving it! I love having a goal and being intentional about making time to read. 

And oh my word I have such a long and growing list of books I want to read, books downloaded, and a stack of borrowed books on my shelf. PLUS "Go Set a Watchmen" by THE Harper Lee is arriving on my doorstep on it's release day. And that will take priority. 

My pace slowed down a bit when I stopped nursing, because I wasn't getting those little pockets of time to sit and read, but I was totally okay with giving that up ;). My friend, Carrie, reads about 60 books a year, and she told me she just has to make sure it's a priority. Since she is even busier than I am with three kiddos, I figured I could do it too! 

I have also always been a person who didn't like reading more than one book at a time. In the last couple of years that has changed though. I still don't like to read more than one book in a particular genre at a time, but am typically reading 2-3 books, and then bore down on one until it is finished. I've enjoyed the variety. Brent's grandma reads different books in different rooms of her house, and I think I'm slowly getting to that point! 

So that's my goal. Here is the list of books I've completed so far. The last couple of weeks have slowed me down, but I'm still fairly "on pace." 

A Painted House/ Grisham

AHA/ Idleman

The Opposite of Loneliness/ Keegan

Wonder/ Palacio

Seabiscuit/Hillenbrand

Scary Close/ Miller

Bringing Up Girls/ Dobson

The Mockingbird Next Door/ Mills

Ford County Stories/ Grisham

The Winter of Our Discontent/ Steinbeck

Let's Pretend This Never Happened/ Lawson

Nourished/ Johnson & Randolph

Alice in Wonderland/ Carroll

Landline/ Rowell

Women are Scary/ Dale

The Worst Hard Time/ Egan

You & Me Forever/ Chan

Currently reading:

Unoffendable/ Hansen

Murphy Must Have Been a Mother/ Bloomingdale

Next in Line:

Orphan Train/ Kline

Travels With Charley/ Steinbeck

Yes Please/ Poehler

I've only put one book down so far [The Orchid Thief], but I may pick it up again at some point. I just have too many great ones to read that I don't want to waist time on one I'm not enjoying. I've really enjoyed these so far, and if you're a "book person" and want to know my thoughts on any of them, just email me! My favorites on this list so far have been: Seabiscuit [her writing is just perfect], You & Me Forever [one of THE best books I've read on marriage], A Painted House, and my love for Harper Lee made me enjoy The Mockingbird Next Door. I also really liked getting back into some short story reading with Ford County Stories and The Opposite of Loneliness. The Worst Hard time took me awhile because it is very "heady", but incredible. Also, Unoffendable is great and I'll be writing a separate review for that soon. The Winter of Our Discontent was also excellent and so very unlike Steinbeck in a lot of ways but the characterization and plot development were true to nature. Landline was different and clever, and Bringing Up Girls and AHA both made me think a lot and were helpful. Let's Pretend This Never Happened had me laughing out loud, but is also a bit crass/lots of language so not for everyone. 

Okay. I kind of told you about most of them. Whoops. 

There ya go. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go read a bit. ;) 

And as always, PLEASE tell me of any of your MUST READS!! I would love to add them to my list. 

Also, I had a dream last night that I was being mentored by Annie Dillard and Anne Lamott. ?!?!? It. Was. Awesome. Unfortunately I woke up. 

Also, here are my top five picks for books currently: Click HERE

2015-- hit me with your best shot

And here we are, five days in to the new year. What? How did that happen?! I showed Brent a video today that I posted ONE.YEAR.AGO of Blythe that I knew he would remember as if it were yesterday and we were both like, "Woah." <translation of that thought: how-in-the-heck-has-it-already-been-a-year-she-can't-be-almost-three-we-have-had-another-baby-since-then-SLOW-DOWN-LIFE-would-ya!? 

I didn't have a lot of time to really process the new year starting because I was tending to the sickies in my house [mentioned at the end of this new year's post].  It felt heavy. And exhausting at times. And it was just the flu. I was recently talking with a friend about the heaviness of life sometimes. The loss. The suffering. The sadness. In those times it is hard to remember that God is on His throne.

But as we head into this new year, this brand new 2015, I take two truths with me that I learned more about in 2014.

// God is on His throne, and He is a father; He is a good father whom I can trust to hold me when I'm scared.  

Last year I chose to start the year with an image, rather than resolutions. I shared the story of Brent picking up a sleeping Blythe to bring her to the car when it was time to leave. She woke up and was scared and whimpered. Without hesitation Brent drew her in close to himself, and whispered softly, "It's me, Blythe. It's Daddy. I've got you. You're okay." And she settled right in knowing she was safe.

I have seen more evidence this year that my heavenly Father is whispering those words to my soul continuously. It's me, Kelsey. It's Daddy. I've got you. You're okay. And even when my soul is gross and my heart is mean and selfish, He still does it without hesitation. 

and

// God is Emmanuel, God is with us. Right here, every day, God is with me and for me. It is a broken and dark and messy world down here, but He chose to be in it with me. 

As Blythe and I read the Christmas story over and over and over again, she learned about Emmanuel, a God who came to be with us.

As I get older I'm more aware of the darkness that is in this world.
But I am also more aware of these two truths: God holds me close as a Father does a child, and he chose to come into this dark world to be Light and Life and to be with us.

And it is with those promises and with that peace that I begin 2015.


So do I have any resolutions this year? There are definitely things I would like to work on, improve at, and books I want to check off my list. I want to continue to write better stories with my life. I want to love and serve my girls. I want to love and serve my husband. I want to enjoy the monster fence we put in our back yard while Becks learns to walk in the new tufts of grass. I want to give more without fear of what ifs. I want to be a better neighbor.

But mainly I want to let Emmanuel permeate my heart and my home. I want to let Him hold me like a child when I'm kicking and screaming and confused. And I want others to know Him in these intimate ways because they make each morning full of deep joy, and new years less scary.

Here's to a great 2015!
And here is to me being a consistent blogger this year? [we will see…]

and that's a wrap: 2014 in review

This post always stresses me out a bit, but Brent always loves it and it's his favorite of the year so I keep it coming. AND 2014 was good to us. Very good. I think it's a good thing to look back and remember, and also realize how quickly it goes so we can embrace today a little stronger.

January:

I started this year out half way pregnant. Well, you can't really be halfway pregnant I guess. I was very real pregnant, but our sweet baby girl number 2 was only halfway done getting made.

Blythe was still sleeping in her crib, which resulted in THIS naughtiness and my reflection of God's grace to take into the year.

February:

February was a quiet month in our house. Blythe was still just a baby herself, it seemed. I finally was able to get her hair in pigtails though!

My quiet afternoons resulted in some reflection on what it meant to create HOME for others, and allowed plenty of time for me to geek out about how I would be able to handle TWO CHILDREN!

March:

Blythe turned TWO and we CELEBRATED and I wrote her THIS LETTER.

My sister and Grandma threw a beautiful baby shower/ tea party for me as I grew increasingly more pregnant.

My dad retired! We celebrated. I wrote THIS [which ended up being my highest viewed post to date. That man is well loved].

I reflected about Blythe no longer being an only child and what that would mean for her and our family.

I continued writing letters for our second daughter and Brent received a promotion at the bank.

April:

I had my first [and hopefully last] experience with kidney stones, and said farewell to our family of three. 

Blythe moved out of the crib and started sleeping in a big bed in a new room.

I turned 28. It was obvious I was growing increasingly nostalgic as the baby's arrival approached.

Our last family picture before Becks' arrival about a week and a half later

May:

The main focus of May was welcoming and getting to know Becks Lynae. She was born on May 2nd, a day before her due date [or three days before, depending on which due date I go with].

I am not sure who this baby is, but apparently this is what Becks looked like when she was about a week and a half old :) I'm so grateful Meagan captured her tininess and her alertness.

We spent the month staring at her perfections…and into her big blue eyes-- which were open a lot.

I wrote about the story behind her extra special name, and her birth story. Probably two of my favorite posts from the year.

Before the month was over we made it to church and our nephew's graduation, so I felt pretty successful!

June:

We continued to slowly get to know Becks as summer slipped into the sticky, hot days.

Brent prepared for his triathalon… oh, and managed to run a quick little half marathon like it was no big deal.

I wrote a little Father's Day tribute to that guy because, seriously, he is impressive.

July:

We celebrated the Fourth of July in style!

Brent killed the triathalon. Read here if you don't believe me. And he caught the TRI- bug and now wants to do a full triathalon… and eventually a half iron-man…and then, why not! the full Iron Man. Google it. He's crazy. But he totally can do it!

Potty training began. I'll leave it at that because I think it is still happening…

It was a good summer. I spent most of my days so dang overwhelmed with happiness and so thankful that Becks was such a good baby.

I reflected a lot: here and here.

And Meagan used our family for a mentor session and we got some beautiful family pictures out of the deal that I will cherish forever! [Thanks Meagan and Carrie!]

We got to go to Lake Okoboji at the end of the month and the girls took their first boat ride. 

August:

This was my third August to not be a teacher. But I think this was the first August I started to really enjoy my new role at home, and realize my identity is not in what I do. I still missed the first week back to school excitement though and wrote about what I would have been doing if I were still in the classroom. Instead I was doing this: 

I feel even more in love with doing Senior photography.

I did a lot THIS. And thought about the verse, "When you are weak, then you are strong." And I snapped this picture of Blythe which just captured her joy this summer: 

 September:

Brent and I started Storyline and got a lot out of that process. I highly recommend it if you're looking for a study with a group or by yourself for the new year.

I wrote one of my favorite posts of the year.

I kept busy with softball and the girls got to know Katie-bug, their babysitter for an hour + when I was at practice.

We dedicated Becks at church and promised to raise her in the Lord.

October:

Softball ended without the flourish of the season before, and as I celebrated the Royals making it to the World Series, I reflected on what it is about sports that keeps us coming back, win or lose.

I began the pursuit of saying yes more often.

We made our annual trip to Nashville, Becks flew for the first time, and the girls rocked it as 80s work out girls! And we survived the airport with Brent in a wheelchair.

November:

I tried to help my daughter through her first real fear: lions.

Brent turned 29 and I took a lot of pictures.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with family and had so much to be thankful for once again. And we got to take an updated family picture:

December: 

I actually can't believe I am reflecting on this month because I feel like it just started. Regardless, we busted out our Christmas decorations and drove around and saw a lot of lights with the girls.

I wrote a Christmas letter HERE.

Blythe had her grandma's over for a sweet little tea party, and I restored my old My Little Ponies to gift her at Christmas.

We put up an awesome fence in our backyard and Blythe got her first haircut.

We had two little girls who were a joy to celebrate with on Christmas. We went here there and everywhere and celebrated with lots and lots of family.

 And now we are sending the year out with Influenza A. Boo. Blythe started running a fever a couple of days ago and it got super scary high so we took her to ER. Sure enough, we did not escape the plague this year. She's pretty miserable and your prayers are appreciated. So far Becks [and Brent and I] seem to be in the clear. We plan on ringing in the new year by going to bed at 8 o'clock. Yee haw!

It was a great year filled with some of life's best blessings, and as we sit in the muck of the flu and listen to our Blythe cough and cry, I can still say that God is on His throne.

And He will be in 2015. And that is something to celebrate!

Happy New Year! Thanks for following along with us on this little corner of the internet.