what does it take?

I want you to read this post and then answer the questions for me. Because I'm super curious. Like a cat. 

I have been thinking a lot about community. Not the neighborhood you live in, but the deep-in-your-bones-being-known-by-others community. 

I've been thinking about it on a lot of different levels, and then last Sunday our pastor spoke about unity, which goes hand in hand with true community. He shared that in Greek "accept" means to "see another person and to open your arms to embrace them."

It got me thinking about times in my life I've experienced that kind of unity and community. I realize that community ebbs and flows throughout life.  In high school I was fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends in "the Union S. guys", and I found true community when they embraced me and modeled authentic male christianity.  I wrote a piece in college about friendship/community, and it was about these guys.  In it I said: I now realize the beauty of moments with friends and how, when you let them happen to you, it's like letting a psalm happen to you. This happening fills your mouth and becomes prayer-- a deep kind of prayer-- a prayer that happens with every memory of a living room conversation. Open your mouth and He will fill it and things that are not prayer become prayer, and moments that are ordinary pierce us and fill us and we become holier because of them.

I was terrified to leave that community I had found, and yet at college the depth of friendships and raw, authentic community I discovered left me nearly breathless. I found honesty and passion in my roommate, Renae, and I knew ours would be a friendship that only got sweeter over time and distance. I remember one of the first conversations I ever had with her. She was in tears on her top bunk [we weren't roommates yet], and was holding a picture in her hands. It was her brother. He was five and he had just learned how to ride a bike and she wasn't there to see him. And as I crawled onto that bunk with her and listened to her heart breaking, I knew that our hearts would break together and heal together many times over the next four years, and I knew that in her I had found community. 

And then I became a Resident Assistant my junior year. At first we just had meetings with our staff of 8, but quickly those meetings bled into meals and coffee and late LATE nights sitting on the hallway floor laughing and crying together. Those meetings turned into rallying behind our very sick/pregnant mentor and boss, and they turned into retreats where we shared our deepest fears and our biggest excitements. We held losses in our hands and we carried each other through them. We could not have been more different [ask anyone who knew us!], but we sat together, and broke bread together, and we accepted one another in the way the Greek means to accept one another: by opening our arms and receiving and embracing. 

apparently being an RA meant dressing up a lot, too. 

And again I was terrified to leave this community and these friends. I was better with them. I was better because of them. But life happens. And we grow and move and change. And Brent and I married [a NEW and WONDERFUL kind of community], and we moved away from everything and everyone we knew. And if I'm being honest, times got dark for me. I was so terribly lonely. At the end of the movie "Into the Wild", the main character says, "Happiness is only real when it is shared." I knew I was lonely for friendship and to be known, but I don't think I understood just how thirsty my soul was for community. 

So Brent and I stepped out. We invited people over. And one of those couples just so happened to be as desperate as we were. And what happened was beautiful. And seven years later we still consider them our community. [More on all of that and them here]. And then at work something happened and this random group of people that I taught with became another type of community for me. Again, we were different and in all different places in life, but we found joy in our time together. We shared struggles and we shared questions and doubts. We shared lots and lots of laughs. And then Brent and I went out on a limb and through a really crazy "placement night" joined a small group at our church. The couples we met with were wonderful and all of us shared how deeply we had been needing each other. 

And then, you guessed it, it was time to move on. It didn't seem fair. So we packed up and left community once again. By this point I knew change was hard for me, but I also knew community was essential. But it didn't come as easily. And it seemed to be avoiding us. At one point, a few years into our move, we made a trip back to our old stomping grounds in Louisville. And I wept. There was something in my heart that ached for our time there. I chalked it up to some type of "homesickness" and moved on. Fast forward to this past summer when we visited those same haunts: I reminisced without a lump in my throat and I walked our old streets with dry eyes. What  is the difference? I asked Brent. 

He responded with one word: Community. 

We had finally found it in Missouri. And because we were living in community, I could re-visit our old spaces and not feel so alone and so desperate to have that time back. You see, a few years earlier when we went back what I felt in those spaces was not some intangible thing; what I felt in those spaces was the community I had experienced when we lived there. I felt Meagan and Shane and the other interns. I felt my team of teachers. I felt our small group. But more than that, because I lacked community back home, I felt a void, and I could do nothing but weep for community again. 

That trip was a catalyst for us, as we realized how despondent we had become by not having people we could do life with. And we got busy in good ways and we clawed and scratched our way into people's lives and we attached ourselves to them. I am only minorly exaggerating, because it became that important to us. 

I picked up a book called "Creating Community" by Andy Stanley and Bill Willits, and in it they say, "We are a culture craving relatinship. In the midst of our crowded existence, many of us are living lonely lives… Being married does not exempt someone from the emptiness associated with isolation… [We are] acquainted with many people, but [we are] known by none… We live and work in a sea of humanity, but we end up missing out on the benefits of regular, meaningful relationships." I felt that crowded yet empty existence when I moved to Louisville. It was crippling at times, even though I was a very happy newlywed. The writers go on to say, "When we live in isolation, we can easily lose perspective on life. That's because there is no objective voice calling us toward balance." 

I had had community before, and I knew what I was missing. But what if you've never experienced it before? What if you didn't know what you were missing? If we look to Christ we see that He is and always has been a part of community in the Trinity. If we are bearing His images, it only makes sense that we should feel like we are missing something if we aren't living life with others. 

John Ortberg said:

Sometimes in church circles when people feel lonely, we will tell them not to expect too much from human relationships, that there is inside every human being a God-shaped void that no other person can fill. That is true. But apparently, according the the writer of Genesis, God creates inside this man a kind of "human-shaped-void" that God Himself will not fill.

In his book, "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them", Ortberg dives into studies that tracked thousands of people over many years. 

Researchers found that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections. People who had bad health habits (such as smoking, poor eating habits, obesity, or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated. In other words, it is better to eat Twinkies with good friends than to eat broccoli alone. 

Don't you love that? And if you are like me you love it because you have experienced those good friends and you know, without seeing a stitch of research, that they are good for your body and soul. 

But beyond what is good for you, community is good for the world. If we, as Christians, are living "for the life of the world" then bearing the image of Christ means showing others true community. Francis Schaeffer said, "Our relationship with each other is the criterion the world uses to judge whether our message is truthful-- Christian community is the final apologetic." 

All of this came crashing to the surface for me last weekend, and not just because my pastor spoke about it: one of my RA colleagues got married. And Brent and I traveled to go see her say "I do" and another one of those RAs was in her bridal party and it was all I could do to keep from running up to the front of the church during the ceremony to embrace them. My throat caught at the sight of them. These were my people. I had walked through a lot of life with them. At the reception I grabbed them and we had little five minute conversations between cake cutting and dancing and merry-making. And do you know what real community is? It is hugging a friend you haven't seen in a couple years, looking her directly in the eyes and saying, "But how are you?" And it is her, not saying, "I'm good. Busy, but, you know! Good!" Community is her spilling her heart into your lap, even if you just have five minutes, you both getting tears in your eyes about something she has gone through, and you asking her tough questions before it is time to go. It is picking up where you left off, and knowing that where you left off is a place that will constantly be a spot of healing and growth and joy. 

Jess, the bride, back in college helping me dig out my car. 

Becker,  the other friend at the wedding…. and I never got a picture with her because we were too busy catching up… getting to know Brent on one of his visits. She loved him because I loved him. That's community, too. 

Jess and me last weekend! 

I left that wedding reception with a fat soul, and a reminder of the importance and beauty of real community. 

When have you experienced real community? What were the factors that contributed to that community? What is keeping you from living messing with people right now?  Is it true community if we are only sharing life with those similar to us? 

I am asking these questions because I really want your answers. Please don't be silent on this one! 

the power of the person

I was reading "Travels With Charley" by my old favorite, John Steinbeck. In this book he chronicles his journeys across the states with his dog, you guessed it, Charley. It is humorous and endearing, and in true Steinbeck fashion there were passages that left me stunned by their beauty and passages that left me stunned by their fullness.

Early into his trip, Steinbeck realizes just how lonely it will be for him, and just how desperately our human souls need one another. While camping one night and listening to the silence, save the heavy breathing of his dog, he recalls a previous journey he had taken:

I remember an old Arab in North Africa, a man whose hands had never felt water. He gave me mint tea in a glass so coated with use that it was opaque, but he handed me companionship, and the tea was wonderful because of it. And without any protection my teeth didn't fall out, nor did running sores develop. I began to formulate a new law describing the relationship of protection to despondency. A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ. 

I read that paragraph about twelve times. I resonate with that because I have seen the beauty of relationship. I resonate with that because I have let me soul become sad out of fear of something. Or preference for something. Or judgement of something. Or lots of somethings.

While I was growing up, my dad was in law enforcement. This meant that a lot of times he had to make  some house calls. Sometimes he showed up unexpected [and trust me, no tea was offered then], but other times he was summoned. And welcomed. He may not even remember this, as it was a brief story he mentioned one time casually to me, but it stuck with me and I think of it often. He shared about one of the houses he was invited into. There wasn't a clean place to sit, and his hosts were definitely not freshly showered. It was evident they were in want, and to be frank, they lived in filth. And yet they extended my uniform-clad father hospitality that day, as the lady rummaged for a mug and poured him some coffee. My dad doesn't drink coffee. He can't stand it. And from the looks of the place, the mug was definitely not clean.

At this point in the story I thought my dad was going to share with me how to get out of an awkward social situation such as this, or how to politely decline a drink you don't like. But you know what he said? "I read somewhere that the cleanest part to drink out of a used mug is by the handle." Did you catch that? He drank the coffee out of a filthy mug. NOT because his job depended on it. NOT because he was so desperate for a drink. NOT because he wanted to make a good impression. He drank the coffee out of a filthy mug because of the hand that poured it for him. 

I have thought of it so many times, that simple act done in a trailer somewhere in rural Missouri. When someone offers me something I don't like, or that doesn't suit my taste, or that I may even have an adverse reaction to, I will accept it. And I will not make a face [my mom taught me that one over and over at the supper table]. And I will say thank you so much and I will mean it. Because the hand that is serving it to me is also serving companionship. And when I have a choice between protection or despondency, I will choose the person in front of me and the hope they have to offer. Because a sad soul will kill me far quicker.

And I realize this is not just about food, though I do think something deeply spiritual happens at the table. This is about the power of the person. This is about offering hands. This is about realizing we are all the least of these. This is about offering Jesus. And hope. And grace. And at that table, when we choose to pass around companionship in spite of [whatever you need to fill in this blank with], we will find deep satisfaction in our souls.

"vacationing" with little ones

I put vacationing in quotes there because, let's be honest, if you're traveling with kids under five then the term is used loosely. Am I right?

Blythe has always been a pretty great traveler, and Becks is kind of a hit or miss. We've taken sixish hour trips before, but this one felt bigger. And it felt like I needed to prep for the car ride a little more. 

Our drive was going to be about 9 hours, give or take, without accounting for stops for meals and potty. We figured it would take about 10-11, and I wanted to be prepared. 

So I browsed Pinterest, stole a few ideas from here, and added a few others that had worked for us in the past.  I tried to document them [mainly with my phone camera], as I went in case it worked really well and I could report back to you all [or in case it failed miserably and I could share that as well]. Like I said, Blythe generally does pretty well in the car, but an 11 hour day for a three year old is a little crazy, and these little tricks and activities really seemed to help. 

// SNACKS. My dad was never a fan of us eating the car, but at this point I'm like, "Whatever." These really helped Becks more than anything, and she consumed three containers of Puffs on the trip there and back. Like I said, "Whatever." The squeeze pouches are pricey but so convenient that I indulge when we're gonna be on trips [and for the church nursery!]. Also, the snack cups help cut down on the mess a bit too. Minus Becks' carseat, the van stayed pretty clean and organized. Snacks for the win! 

On the way home we had a late lunch and the girls were being rock stars, so we decided to push on. I scrounged around for anything I could feed them and handed Becks a fruit bar. She's one. So that wasn't my brightest idea...

But she LOVED it, AND the girls stayed in their carseats for over SIX HOURS straight and we made it home in record time. Like I said, they were being rock stars. 

//Container of ACTIVITIES. This was mainly for Blythe, but I had a couple of things that worked for Becks too. I separated them in ziplock bags in this box, and I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna keep it in the car indefinitely. 

// VISUAL of the trip progress. Blythe LOVED this and it really helped her comprehend our progress, and how much farther we had to go. I found this free printable here,  and simply pinned it to the van roof [picture at top of post]. I printed 8, and took one down about every hour-ish. Only once did Blythe ask if we were "home" yet, and I simply pointed the the count down. Worked like a charm. This is definitely happening next time.

 //CURTAIN. My mom thought this was mean, and if by mean she meant brilliant, then I agree. I got out my "sewing kit" ... ahem....

... oh my mother in law is so ashamed of me right now... and I loosely sewed a strip of velcro on to the top of a blanket. I don't sew. A sewing machine would have made this really simple, I'm sure, but after ten minutes, I'm not gonna lie, I got out my stapler to help the job along. Anyway... the girls love to make each other laugh, which is adorable, UNLESS it is nap time and they are just distracting one another and keeping each other awake. Insert curtain. It just stuck right to the top of the van and came down with no problem. Brent said it cut down on his visibility to which I responded, "Unimportant." Even in St. Louis traffic. Because THIS:

/--Here is a breakdown of the activities I brought with us, as well as which ones worked the best for us. Also, it was kind of important to me that they could all be contained in that one box, because I get a little hyper-stressed-out if there is STUFF everywhere in the van.

/sticker I-spy/

We have 1.4 billion stickers in our house. I stapled a little book together [gotta love that stapler], and found stickers that all had a match. I put one sticker in the book and another in a baggie. Blythe really enjoyed this and it kept her occupied for over half an hour. SCORE! 

 /books/

I gathered books from around the house that I knew Blythe hadn't looked at in awhile, a couple from library, and one new one. They all had to be small enough to fit in a gallon ziplock. Again, these kept her occupied for awhile...on the way... but she didn't really look at them on the way back. 

/a couple new activity books/

You know what I'm talking about? The ones you can find at Dollar General for a dollar or two. Worth every penny. I got Blythe a "magic ink" Mickey Mouse book [she diligently colored every page], and a  Doc McStuffins "fun pack" that had stencils and crayons and stickers and a coloring book and one of those little felt posters to color [for $1!]. She worked on both on the drive there and the return trip. 

 /I-spy/

Blythe is really into playing "I-spy" right now, so I found some free printables online and slipped them into sheet protectors. I threw in her binoculars just for fun [but she didn't use them much], and she played for a little while. This probably only lasted 20 minutes for her. She got frustrated when she couldn't find something. I think it would be AWESOME for kids slightly older though. 

/pom pom game/

My sister made this little pom pom game out of a tupper ware container and it is easily Becks' favorite toy, so I threw it in the box. She played it several times on the road, and enjoyed it once we were there as well. [Kali, I'm sorry Wes missed out on this game because I kept it.]

/fishing/

Hands down a favorite. She LOVED this. I cut little fish out of cardstock and hot glued paper clips to the back, and then I tied a string on a little circle magnet [dotted it with a little hot glue for good measure], and let her "fish" from her seat. I simply sprinkled the fish on the floorboard. She couldn't see  the fish, and would get so excited when she reeled up her line and had caught some! This took a little effort on my part because I had to keep moving the fish to the ONE spot she kept "casting" in so she wouldn't get too frustrated, but it kept her happy for well over half and hour. PLUS we brought this little activity inside with us when we got to our friends' house [we actually brought the entire box of activities in, but this one specifically got brought out a few times to be played while we were there]. 

 /magnetic doll/

Awhile ago a friend gave Blythe this little magnetic doll set. It's nothing fancy, but I through in a small baking sheet and she played with the doll for at least 20 to 30 minutes if not longer. PLUS the sheet was a PERFECT work space for all the other activities. 

I didn't have time to glue little magnets to the back of a puzzle for her, but I think she would enjoy that next time. 

/books on tape/

The biggest hit was books on tape. These beauties have been around since my family vacations. My dad found his old Walkman [!!!!], and I picked out some of the books I thought Blythe would enjoy the most. Cinderella got listened to/read so many times the poor tape got a twist in it [remember how that used to happen?]. I also decided that my generation is more patient than the current generation because we had to wait for cassette tapes to rewind. Regardless of their quality, these were THE BEST. And our friends all LOVED the fact that we are letting our daughter experience the beauty of the Walkman. 

/CDs/

We have two CDs that we play in the van that Blythe really enjoys listening to/singing along with: Wee Sing Bible Songs and Slugs and Bugs Sing the Bible. We spent some time jamming to these along the way as well. I highly recommend them. [Especially the latter]. 

/Picnic Lunch/

I think it's important to let the kids out of the car [except apparently on the way home when they aren't complaining], for a good break at least once on your trip. We found a beautiful state park [actually my sister discovered it on one of her trips] and it was a gorgeous day. We probably spent a little too long there, as we just couldn't tear ourselves away and stayed about an hour and a half. We let the girls run/crawl and we walked down a little trail to a creek and let Blythe throw in some rocks before we loaded back up. I really think it helped them both nap better and have a better end to the trip. 

/and when all else fails.... DVD/phone/ 

We don't have games on our phones, but Blythe likes to look at pictures and videos we have, so we would let her do that every so often for a few minutes. And a friend let me borrow her DVD player, and once we were within an hour and a half of Louisville, you better believe I turned that sucker on for Blythe. It's a really great option to have, and I'm all for it. 

The last ten minutes were the worst-- Becks pooped and was screaming, we were semi-lost within a block of where we wanted to be, and it was.just.time.to.be.done. But we made it! And had such a wonderful time in the city where we learned how to be married, and with friends who shaped us in so many wonderful ways.

Saturday morning Brent [and our friends, Heather and Justin], got up and ran a half marathon in the drizzle and rain. They all did AWESOME. Brent had a personal best at 1:29. And Justin helped pace Heather and she ran it in her personal best at

Super impressive.

 And I just have to share how awesome Heather is.

Early in the morning, while anxious and preparing to run thirteen point one miles, she was thoughtful enough to set out a travel mug and cream and sweetener for me, and this note: "Have some 'juice' to get you going. Good luck!" Seriously? With everything she had going on she thought to wish me luck, because she knew I was anxious about navigating down town and getting the girls down to the finish line by myself. We have the best friends, I tell ya.

 Which, by the way, I totally nailed it! Becks was strapped on and kept semi dry, and I pushed Blythe in the stroller. Luckily the heavy rain didn't start until after Brent was done and could help me get back to the van.

The girls enjoyed the "Daddy's treats" after the race: Blythe loved the chocolate milk and Becks' chowed down on the banana.

I'm also so proud of Brent after races and this was no exception. He was phenomenal. He ran his last mile in just over 6 minutes... after running 12 others! He placed 124 over all out of 23,000 runners. He will never tell you, so I will ;).

And our trip was just so good. Exhausting, as trips are, but so good. Time with Justin and Heather [who gave up their own bedroom for us], a lunch with my old coworkers, and time with Shane and Meagan too [who had to move a lot of boxes around in their new home to welcome us!]. We are overwhelmed by the community God always places around us, and He did some good work during our time in Kentucky.

And...if you are just finding out we were in Louisville and we didn't get to see you... I'm so sorry. It was too fast, and race day filled it up quickly! Please let us see you next time!! 

In summary:
The travel box of activities worked like a charm.
When all else failed, I just handed Becks random items until she chucked them overboard.

What tips/tricks to you have for traveling with toddlers? I'll need to add some activities to our bin for next time!