baby bump three: week 40

Dear Nan,

We've made it to my favorite bump picture: you on the outside, a balled up, pink newborn. This day always seems so impossibly far away when those pink lines show up--when your dad and I hug in the bathroom and with our morning breath thank God for the new life He has started to form inside of me. And then all of a sudden it seems, we're on our way to the hospital. I feel the labor pains that were promised and cursed to me in The Garden, and then they lay you on my chest. Nine months is really such a short time.

Nan Louise, you are simply a dream. All along I thought you were bigger, and I was right [by a few ounces anyway]. They laid you on my chest after another fast, though induced, labor where you promptly peed while letting out strong and steady cries. Oh, those first cries from healthy lungs are music. Eventually, after your dad cut the cord that had bound us together for all those months, they took you away to measure and weigh and clean you. Six pounds and fourteen ounces of healthy baby girl.

You were pretty beat up from delivery. You were in the birth canal the whole time we labored, and you had some blood vessels showing across your forehead, a bruised cheek, a slight bruise on your arm, and a bloodshot eye. I told your dad that as traumatic as labor and delivery is for me, it has to be equally or more traumatic for you. You don't know what's happening and then all of that work and then, then!, you're outside in this crazy, bright, noisy world. I would have peed on someone too! By the time we left the hospital, two days after your birth, your bruises and swelling were gone, which made me feel better.

Your sisters were so excited to meet you. Blythe simply adores you and can't get enough. She's always checking on you and patting you and singing or reading to you. Becks likes to touch your face and make sure you have your blankets. She makes us a little more nervous, but don't worry we'll keep an eye on her so she doesn't rough you up too much. Your dad has been, as always, amazing. Those first days in the hospital he just snuggled you and studied you and smelled you and kissed on you. The second night you were fussy, and I kept having to feed you and I was pretty tired. Finally he just took you, stripped you down, took off his own shirt, and you nuzzled right in under some blankets against his chest and finally settled down. I know in no time he'll be your favorite human on the planet. And I won't blame you one bit.

You've really only had one or two fussy times during the day or night, and are otherwise alert when awake, eat well, and sleep and sleep. Your Nana and Nini have been here taking care of us all too. They are amazing. It's like having the hospital nursery staff...and cleaning staff...and cafeteria staff... all come home with us! Actually, while I write this your nana is cleaning windows. Our house will be cleaner now than you'll probably ever know it to be the rest of your life time! I've actually felt pretty good since having you. My recovery would have been near perfect had it not been for one pesky thing: the cartilage in my pelvis separated. It's only been painful to do certain things like step up, twist, and get in and out of bed etc. My doctor told me the less I am on my feet the sooner it will heal, and when I feel pain to stop whatever I'm doing. So that has really limited me, but I'm starting to feel much more stable, and still feel like this has been my best recovery yet, minus not being able to do much.

I want to kiss your cheeks a thousand times a day before they lose their super softness. And I want to watch you sleep and breathe and eat. These days can be hard, because even though you're teeny, you're demanding in a lot of ways of my body and my time. But I want to breathe you in and whisper love into your ears in these slow moving weeks. When I was laboring with you one of the verses I repeated was Zephaniah 3:17. It says, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing." And now, as I hold you on the outside, I have prayed that verse over you many times as you snuggle against my chest-- that you would know this God of ours that rejoices over you, and that quiets your fears with His love.  Your dad and I will try and love you like Christ, but in our failures we pray that you'll learn to receive that love from The Source.

Nan Louise, we are so glad you are now a part of our family. We are excited to get to know you in all new ways each day. We pray you will be faithful to your Lord, and to your friendships, and to your future spouse. We pray you will be attentive to others, like your namesake was, and generous with your time and possessions. And we pray that you would be humble in a way that doesn't make you think less of yourself, but of yourself less.

At the end of my pregnancy with you, when things were tough, I had to keep saying, "I trust you, Jesus." Nan, may you trust Jesus, because I am entrusting you to Him.

We love you so very much.

Love, Mom

baby bump 3: week 39

Baby girl,

This is my last chance to write to you on the inside.  In less than 12 hours, I will head to the hospital and we will start an induction. I don't know what that process is going to be like, but I know you're at the end of it.

This week has been humbling. I've had to rely on others for pretty much everything, as being on my feet at all has been a bit too much for me. Your grandma's have provided a lot of food and laundry folding for us, as well as some wonderful friends. I've tried to rest, drink lots of water, and just lay low as much as I could. It was hard because I wanted to be as present as I could with your sisters, since they are in for a big change too, but it was really difficult. At one point Blythe said, "I can stand up a lot longer than you because I don't have a baby sister in my tummy." True!

Tuesday was an interesting day. Late Monday I started to have contractions and, they weren't regular or consistent, but they were happening and they were stronger than what I had been having. Given my history with quick deliveries, and my doctor's advice to "come in with anything!" we decided to at least go to town and be closer to the hospital. I only had one or two contractions on the way. I knew I wasn't in labor, but I didn't know if it would get there, and if it got there how quickly it would become the real deal. So your dad and I walked around the parking lot a bit to try and see if things would pick up. I felt like I walked MILES but he claims it was maybe a half a mile. I'm still doubtful ;). At one point we got back in the car to warm up a little and see if anything was happening... and there was a BEE in my pants and it STUNG me! I'm not kidding! Craziest thing. Your dad pulled the stinger out of my knee, we killed the bee, and then we drove to a gas station. He got a drink and got me some ice to put on the sting. So weird. We went back to the hospital and decided I may as well have them check me and monitor things and make sure we weren't "silently" progressing [ that's a real thing!]. I was still at a three, and things didn't pick up. They told us we could stay as long as we were comfortable given my history, but at 1:30 we packed up and headed to a friend's in town to spend the night just in case [because this was eerily similar to what happened with your sister, Becks]. I had a few more contractions that night but then they stopped.

We came back home mid morning so your dad could get a few things done at work, and we could see your sisters, and then headed BACK for my appointment that afternoon. We fell asleep in the waiting room. Our doctor is so great and she was super thorough. She said she wanted to keep me, but since we were so close to our induction date we would wait it out. She said everything was really ready to go, and the only thing keep you in was the fact that I wasn't in labor! She emphasized again the need for us to come with anything, walked us through what the induction would look like, and said over and over again how quickly she thinks it will happen once we get my labor going. We will see!

We were both pretty exhausted after that night/day, and we were thankful the contractions stopped and we were able to get a couple of good night's rest. And now we're ready! Well, as ready as one can be. It's really strange knowing that tomorrow you'll be here with us. I'm not anxious about tomorrow, but I just don't really know how to process it. But here is what I do know: God is already standing there. And God is not only there, but He is also with us, and He is also inside of me. Oh baby girl, I know it doesn't seem possible that a God so big could be so intimate and near, but He is. I know it doesn't always make sense and that we can't comprehend that, but our finite minds don't change Him. So He is there waiting for us at the hospital. And He is here with us in this moment. And He is moving inside of me giving me His peace and transforming my thoughts to be His. I can't wait to tell you more about Him... while I look into your eyes.

We love you so much. These 9 months have been harder than I anticipated, but they have brought us to this moment. We can do this! You and I will work hard together tomorrow and then we will get to meet in a whole new way. See you soon.

Love, Mom

baby bump 3: week 38

Dear baby girl,

Well, we didn't have to make any hospital trips this week, so that's an improvement, but man oh man I've reached the point where I'm ready to meet you. It's taken me a long time to get over this junk, which my doctor said it would because I'm pregnant. So my body is somewhere between recovering from that infection and preparing for labor and it seems to be saying to me, "Whhhaaattt are you doing!?!" It's been an exhausting week and we've had to call in a lot of help. And people are so good to us. I took this picture at night, but that's not why I look tired.  As much as I look at it and cringe at how I look, it's an accurate reflection of where we are right now.

No matter what, at the end of this week you'll be in my arms. I won't feel you on the inside but get to hold you on the outside. I'm trying hard to rest in the peace of Christ and rely on the endurance that He gives. When we are weak, He is strong. You will learn this over and over in your life, sweet one.  Your earthly dad has been just unbelievable the past couple of weeks. He's had to take over pretty much every responsibility at home, plus work full time. Has he complained? Nope.

We re-packed our hospital bag and have it ready to roll. We have a few different people on standby. It really feels like "any minute" you could decide to come, and then another couple days go by. I've never had this at the end of a pregnancy... I've always been able to just rest knowing the baby would come when it was time. It's been harder to rest in that-- I just want you here. I want to see how you'll fit in our family. I want to see your nose. I want to see if your eyes are brown or blue or green, like Blythe predicts. I want to share you with others.

Last night your dad and I laid in bed and prayed over you, over me, over what will be happening this week. Over our delivery and your arrival. Over your spirit. It gets a little daunting to think about labor and delivery again. I obviously know I can do it. I know I will do it. But it doesn't really make me want to do it again ;). However, I'll be ready. We can do this. I keep thinking of the verse in Zechariah that says, "I will quiet you with My love." He is rejoicing over us with singing right now, baby girl, and He will quiet us with His love when it's time for you to make your debut.

We're ready for you. You may come any time now. We can't wait!

Love, Mom

Baby Bump 3: 37 weeks

Dear Baby,

Well, sweet one, it's been A WEEK. But first, let's start with the good stuff.

We were thrown an absolutely wonderful shower at the beginning of the week. Mommy's friend from high school, and now co-worker at the church, Becca, hosted a fun afternoon for us with all my favorite treats and a lot of my favorite people. Your aunt Kali and aunt Beth also happened to be in town and were able to come, which was extra great. I know you will be reminded often that you are the third child. You'll have hand-me-downs [your older sisters only wore hand me downs too!], and you'll get less attention, and you'll be over all deprived, ya da ya da ya da ;), but this day you were the center of attention and you did not lack for love. We have some truly awesome people in our lives. 

At our appointment this week, doctor said you had definitely dropped, which I could definitely already tell. :) I am dilated to nearly a three and making progress. Which is kind of crazy! With your sisters I never progressed more than a one before their arrival, so the "ticking-time-bomb" feeling was set off in me for sure after hearing that news.

We celebrated Blythe's fourth birthday this week too. We didn't do anything big, partly because she was sick [more on that in a minute], but mainly because I hadn't really planned on doing anything anyway because being on my feet for more than a minute is tiresome. But we had some family over, your Nashville cousins included! This was the first birthday party they've been able to come to. Your poor sister was pretty puny, but hung in there. It made me think of all the birthday parties we'll be having with you in the future...and how all of your birthdays will be so close that you'll probably have to be okay with sharing one party so I don't lose my mind. :) I know that before we know it you'll be sitting in your high chair chowing down on a big cupcake for your first birthday.

Now, for the crazy stuff. Blythe got really sick this week. Really sick. First she went to the ER, then later she had to go to the hospital and stay two nights. She was fighting off pneumonia. Boo. We've never had to do anything like that before, and while we were caring for her we were also concerned that you may decide to make your arrival. While we were at the hospital I was having lots of contractions. I knew I was just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the OB unit, which was comforting, but I also knew that your dad and I wanted to be with Blythe during that scary, unknown for her. I think it was a combination of little sleep and not enough water, because once we were able to come home my contractions slowed down... Just in time for us to take Becks to the ER when she spiked a super scary high fever too. And guess what? She had a touch of pneumonia too! Crazy! But hers wasn't as far along as Blythe's so we got her on antibiotics right away and she seems to be doing better.

Now I've got it. But, baby girl, your sisters are pretty much healthy [if you decide to come they'll still get to come meet you at the hospital], and so enduring this is a lot easier knowing that. I'm going to start taking some medicine, which means you'll get to take some too, so we'll all hopefully be healthy in a few more days. Our induction date is in a week and a half, so if you wait until then we should be good to go. If you don't wait until then, we'll still get through it. I don't really want to think about laboring and delivering right at the moment since I can't breathe very well, but if you need to come you need to come and I'll do it! We'll do it! And when, in a year, you're sitting there eating your cupcake at your birthday party we'll laugh and say, "Man, that was a crazy week!"

Here's to starting week 38! Hopefully it will end healthier than this one. Either way, your birthday will be so soon. We're exhausted already, so you may as well join the party :). I can't wait to hold you and love you on the outside.  And please please please please please be a good sleeper from the get go ;).

Love,
Mom

Baby bump 3: 36 weeks

Dear baby,

As I was thinking about this week, I always try and think of something "significant" that I can report or share with you so you can remember this journey. And then I thought, "You know what is significant? THIS! YOU! The fact that God is creating you and allowing you to grow inside of me." Not only is that significant, but it is something so incredible that when I stop to actually think about it I can't even fathom it all. I don't ever want to take it for granted that we were able to do this!

My sinuses have been bothering me this week some [you may even notice the balled up kleenex in my left hand in this week's picture]. Fortunately it's not too bad at night, but just kind of a nuisance during the day. And has led to some bloody noses, which really concerns your sisters when they occur.

I'm really really trying to not do too much. It's hard because I'll feel fine and then BAM-- I feel like I need to sit down two hours ago. Your dad [and so many others] have really been great, but it's just hard for me to not do stuff. Especially when I feel like there is so much to do in these last few weeks. But here is reality: your carseat is clean [and room has been made for it in the van], your clothes are in their drawers, your stuff for the hospital is ready, your crib has been vacated. The rest of the stuff on my "to-do-before-baby-gets-here-list" can wait. I know that.

Another way that I know it's time for another baby? New phones! I'm joking, mostly. But the month we had Blythe we upgraded our phones. Two years later, the month we had Becks, we upgraded our phones. And guess what? Two years later... here we are with new phones, the daffodils are blooming, and I only can assume that means it is almost time. :) It really wasn't intentional, but just happened that way, but it has been nice to have a totally empty phone for all the pictures we will want to take of you.

Starting this week I will go to the doctor every week until your arrival. They will check and see if we're making any progress towards that end. This time, if she thinks that I am making enough progress, she may just make me stay in town so you don't come too quickly. In the past though I have never shown any signs of being ready until the big day, so we will see how you do.

We love you so much. The weather is so nice and the grass is getting green. The buds are plumping up on the trees. Signs of spring. A spring that I have waited for with visions of you.

Love,
Mom

Baby Bump 3: Week 35

Dear Baby,

I seriously just wrote out "week 35" and then had to look at my calendar to make sure that was right?! 35!?! And yet...if I'm being completely honest... I feel that, even if it seems time as gone too quickly for that to actually be possible. But let me break down exactly what I mean by that:

The last stretch of pregnancy is always weird and hard in different ways. One, you realize there is nothing nine months about 40 weeks. You're at a point where you ache to hold the baby in your arms, as I do you, more than your back aches--which is a lot. Your body has been through soooo many changes in what feels like a short about of time: I mean, really, let's think about this with some perspective: I have a jar of mayonnaise in my fridge that's been there longer than it's taken you to develop in my womb. Woah. So my body is aching in ways I've never experienced before in a pregnancy. Which has been hard for me. It's been humbling for me. I am need of others help. And because my other two pregnancies were fairly easy, it's been hard to accept my limitations this time. But like I've said before, I also just emotionally feel more ready for you than I have in my other pregnancies, which does make the waiting harder.

At our appointment last week we had a lot of ground to cover with our doctor because it's the last appointment we'll have with her until the end of the month because she'll be on vacation. Your dad and I, after much much much talking and praying and seeking advice, decided to schedule an induction. This is exciting and terrifying to me because it is such an unknown. But we just felt like it was the best decision for you and me, knowing that we'll have the best help available when you make your arrival.

Speaking of your arrival, the other day your sisters and I were outside and Blythe and I were discussing robins and robin eggs. We talked about a robin egg we found last year that was cracked open, and she asked where the baby bird was. I explained that baby birds grow in eggs, like you grow in my belly.  Then I saw her looking at my belly--at you-- and I knew her wheels were turning. Her eyes got great big and she said, "Is your belly going to crack open?!"

I also started embroidering your name on a hoop for your room. Last night as I was making the stitches I thought about how God was still stitching you together in my womb and as I poked the needle in and out, in and out, I prayed over your traits again: Humility, Attentiveness, Generosity, and Faithfulness.

Oh, and last week I mentioned I had four more physical books I wanted to read before I relegate most of my reading to the Kindle while you nurse. Update: I am almost done with the third one, but I added one more to the stack. I think I can do it :). The weather is warming up [the best part of this week's picture is the flip flops!], and the buds are poking out on the trees. Spring is here. And spring means new life. And spring means it's almost time for your debut!

Love, Mom

Baby bump 3: week 34

Dear baby,

It's safe to say I'm officially "nesting."  It's weird, because with my gig as a stay at home mom I feel like I'm always kind of nesting, but there is just more of a sense of urgency at the present. The frustrating thing is, I have to really be careful not to overdo it these days. I want to be able to work on organizing clothes and hanging stuff on the wall for three hours, but after thirty minutes by body is saying, "Stop. It. Sit down." So it's slow progress.  I did manage to get all of Becks' clothes and "stuff" out of your room this week, and have all the newborn clothes and stuff in there...it's still in boxes sitting around the room, but it's there and if you surprise us early I can easily dig and grab so we're set! I also hung up a few new decorations around the room to try and make it slightly different from before so that it is distinctly yours.

I am so tired these days. The end of pregnancy always brings fatigue, but I am having a hard time sleeping because you can't seem to quite get comfortable so if I shift, you start to shift, then I inevitably have to go to the bathroom and then we start the process over when I lay back down. Not to mention, your sisters are still trying to get used to sharing a bed room. It is going so much better, but there are still a few hiccups from time to time in the night. I am wondering if, once you shift and move and are head down, you'll move around a little less? I feel like Becks never stopped moving, and then she was 5 pounds 12 ounces and it made sense: she still had a lot of room! I wonder if you'll fill out, be head down, and stop the movement? Or if you'll be another little peanut and keep grooving until your debut? Your dad is so great about letting me sleep in in the morning though. He leaves for work a little before 8, which means I get to sleep until then, which helps a lot.

We have another appointment on Friday, and I feel like this is a big one because it's the last time I'll see my doctor before she goes on vacation for three weeks. So we have a lot to discuss, and I'm about 95% sure we're going to set an induction date. I still don't want to, but I also feel like it is the wisest choice for us at this time.

One funny thing: I have about 4 books that I want to read before your arrival. No, none of them have anything to do with pregnancy, but they are all in book form. When you come, and we're nursing, I have to relegate most of my reading to my Kindle because I can operate that with one hand...a book is a little trickier. I doubt I'll get them all read, but we will see! I am looking forward to the quiet little chunks of time throughout my day that I get to sit down and read while you nurse. It's no secret that I am not a huge fan of nursing, but reading while nursing? Fan! [On that note: I've really been praying you'll be an efficient and easy nurser. Just so you're aware.]

I love you. Every rib-jab and 2 a.m. trip to the bathroom reminds me our time is getting closer. Your dad said he is so excited for those early days in the hospital with you where he just gets to breathe you in. Me too.

Love,
Mom

Baby Bump 3: Week 33

Dear Baby,

I think I look tired in this picture, which seems fitting because I am tired these days. Growing you and keeping up with your two sisters has been trying for me. There are so many things I want to do but can't do. There are so many things-- like making any decision-- that simply seem overwhelming for me right now. However, when I think of the end of this journey and the end of this time, when I think of you in my arms, I have peace.

I still feel like you're sitting pretty high, and as of my last appointment you aren't head down yet, but the doctor said we don't start checking for that/worrying about that until 36 weeks. My calves have been giving me issues again: intense cramping at night and then sore throughout the day. Other than that, besides normal pregnancy stuff, I feel pretty fortunate and feel pretty good, all things considered. However, pregnancy number three and pregnancy number one are totally different ball games. Whew.

It was interesting because I pulled up my letters from Becks' and Blythe's pregnancies: with both I was starting to feel a few minor braxton hicks at 33 weeks. Well I'm here to tell you, this time around those braxton hicks have been much more intense-- maybe even leaning towards "real" contractions. I put real in quotations because in the past I've only had real contractions when they were incredibly intense and threw me in to labor. It was braxton hicks or those. No in between. But you've been a little different.

We also have tried moving Becks into Blythe's room this week to totally vacate your room and the crib. To say it isn't going well would be the truth. We started early, in hopes that they'll make that transition by the time you come, but it's looking doubtful. We will see.  [Actually, as I write this Becks is banging-- LOUDLY-- on the bedroom door instead of napping. Blythe never once even attempted to get out of bed- she still doesn't- so I'm at a loss. When we move you to a bed, can you please take after your oldest sister?!]

Sweet girl, we keep praying for you. We pray we learn to love and discipline you in ways that are best for you. We pray that you would know our Jesus early and turn to Him often. We love you so much and can't wait to see what you look like and over time to see what your little personality becomes.

Love,
Mom

Baby Bump 3: Week 32

Blythe wanted to join me for these pictures: mullet, too small pajamas, and all

Dear baby,

 We had a sonogram this week and you looked great! We think you may have your dad's nose, but I suppose their could be worse things in life ;). They measure different parts of you during these sonograms and then can estimate your size: it appeared you were just shy of 4 pounds currently. We've got a month and a half left, and they say the last month is when babies really pack on the pounds, so if you're already 4 pounds I'm wondering if you'll be our biggest baby yet?! A whopping 7 pounds? Who knows.

The weather turned this week and it has been beautiful. This means me and your sisters want to be outside as much as possible, but it's getting harder and harder for me to be on my feet for very long. We actually took a very slow-- verrryy slooow-- walk to the library. There and back is probably about a mile. I was super proud of myself, but also super sore later. Oh baby girl, you've done a number on my stamina these days! We also went on a little "adventure" in the woods and your sisters explored and found some "treasures". The whole time I was picturing what a third little lady will look like on these trips. It will be so much fun.

Today is actually so nice I'm sitting outside writing this while your sister's nap. When I'm done I'll crack open my current book and soak in the warm sun. Your dad is off for a little run. We're both doing things we love to do, and it makes me wonder what your favorite things will be. What will your hobbies include? Time will tell, but for now you're content to play the fiddle on my rib cage.

Becks will be out of your room within the week, and I've started crafting a few things just to welcome you and make it feel like yours. It's hard to believe we'll have another little bundle of pink to lay in that crib soon-- the same crib where your nana laid me as a squalling baby. 8ish more weeks until you come into this world and our arms. We love you, sweet one.

Love, Mom 

Baby bump 3: week 31

Dear baby,

Oh sweet one. I just love you so much. I told your dad recently that I'm just ready to hold you. Of course, I know you have more time left, and I'll be patient, but I really am just ready. Of course, our house isn't necessarily physically ready for you... but, eh. At the point, I think I could even be okay with that! :)

I'm really trying to take it easy for your sake, but that's easier said than done with your sisters around. I can still carry Becks pretty easily, since she is such a squirt, but I know I shouldn't be picking up Blythe... and yet she is very slow about doing certain things and I just want to lift her up or do it for her or carry her somewhere to speed the process along. But she's learning how to do more for herself and I'm trying to learn patience so that I don't over do anything. We'll be playing something and Blythe will say, "Let's run..." or something like that, and then look at me and say, "Oh. Sorry. You can't do that because baby sister is in your tummy." [Here is an inside scoop though: I wouldn't be running even if you weren't in my tummy ;)].

This pregnancy has been different in so many ways: It has gone incredibly fast. Like, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to still be August. Secondly, I've felt like I can do less but have had to be doing more. Also, with my last two I obviously was excited about meeting them and holding them on the outside, but I was good with waiting it out the entire time. With you though? Oh with you I would have bypassed almost all of this pregnancy, not because it's bad or because I don't like being pregnant, but because I just want you. I want those quiet days in the hospital. I want the slow weeks following your birth. I want the warmth of you against my chest. I want to watch you grow. I want to hear your little sqwauks.

But we have several more weeks together like this, and I will relish all the parts of this part of the journey as well: the movement only you and I share. When I'm having a conversation with someone and get distracted by your hiccups. Knowing that I can't drop you or forget to feed you/change you, but that I'm just doing my thing and God has orchestrated this amazing way for my body to just take care of you. Yes. I want to meet you on the outside, but I do love this pregnancy journey and getting to know you on the inside too.

Inside or out, I love you dearly and deeply, baby girl.

Love, Mom

Baby Bump 3: Week 30

Dear Baby,

This week had been much better. I've felt better all around and some of my pains from last week have subsided. But you know what hasn't subsided? Your movements! You are all over the place! I can definitely feel your feet up in my rib cage, which always makes me wonder how long you are and how big you'll be. Will you follow your sisters' leads and be teeny tiny?

I also feel like I've started nesting a bit. I want to get Blythe and Becks moved into their room they will share so that I can start making the nursery totally yours, and also start digging out all those baby clothes again. Which basically means at this point BOTH rooms are in a state of disaster. So keep hanging out in there for awhile!

Our doctor's appointment this week went well. Dr. C is definitely concerned about you coming too quickly, and she wants to make sure I have the best care. She wants me to consider an induction for this reason. Your dad and I are praying about it. It is very scary to think of you coming so quickly that we can't make it to the hospital, and as fast as your sisters came, I don't want to take that lightly. However, my deliveries have been, though terrifyingly fast and unfortunately without an epidural, quick and have gone smoothly. I don't want to mess with a good thing, either. It feels like a huge decision, but I know God is in control and either way He will be with us and at our side.

Just last night I looked at myself in the mirror and told your dad that I feel much bigger than I did last time, but then I laughed because I said, "Oh yeah! I'm 30 weeks!" It has gone so fast that I feel like I'm still 20 weeks, so obviously I think I look big when my brain hasn't caught up to the reality of how far along we are! And yet, I'm so ready for you to be here. I know, deep in my soul now, the utter joy of welcoming a new life and I look forward to it immensely with you.

Love, Mom

Baby Bump 3: Week 29

did you notice my socks don't match? cause they don't.

Dear Baby,

The last week in our twenties! How is that possible? This week was tough on me. I developed some new aches and pains and didn't feel great at the beginning of the week. I just can't do as much as I'm used to being able to do. And leg cramps at night are coming back. And not being able to get comfortable when sleeping. It was just tough. But you're still healthy. And we have ten/eleven weeks left and we can do this, baby girl! 

You are all out rolling and kicking me in the ribs and just doing your thing in there and it's my favorite. Even though these last months are more uncomfortable, I love how big you feel and how much easier it is to picture you on the outside, in my arms. Blythe has felt you kick her when she's sitting on my lap and she'll look up at me with big eyes. She also noticed that you "pushed my belly button out."

Your sister also got sick this week. I just hate it so much. I hate that she's miserable and I hate that there is so little I can do. So I hold her. I pray relentlessly for her. And as I was holding her and you kicked and squirmed I thought about how I'll do this for you some day too. I'll hate it for you. I'll hold you. I'll pray for you. But you'll have to go through it. And in your weariness and sickness and weakness, God will hold you in ways I can't. If I've learned anything about parenting it's that God is a far better parent than I can ever be, and there will be many times I will have to re-release you into his care and into his arms.

We now will be going to our doctor every two weeks. I always feel like when we get to this point it's really game time. And so here we are, at the end of a month, at the end of another of our 40 weeks on this journey together. And I love you so much. More and more every day I'm ready to hold you.

Love, Mom

Baby bump 3: week 28

Dear Baby,

Is it just me or are the weeks flying be? And is it just me or are you non-stop moving and grooving in there? You're starting to jab in my ribs even and your rolls are like full on tidal waves. I love it. One time you made me audibly gasp this week because you kicked so hard. I know you're just gearing up for this third child gig and trying to make a name for yourself, but I hear ya ;)!

This week your dad and I got to go to a bed and breakfast that we love. We went there when I was pregnant with Becks too, and it's just nice to have some time and quiet to talk with each other and really think about what adding you to our family will look like. Obviously, on this side of things we don't have much of an idea, but we like to dream. Over some mexican food we were able to finally decide on your four traits: we've always picked four traits to pray for our babies, and it was high time we decided yours so we could start praying! We are now praying that you are humble, attentive, faithful, and generous. I'll write more in depth about these sometime so you know just why we pray these for you. We can't wait to see how God will use you in these areas.

I can still feel you hiccup from time to time, which I just love. We also had another appointment this week, which kicked off our every-two-week-visits now [how are we here already!] Your heartbeat sounded strong and I was measuring one week small. This happened with your sisters and the doctor said it could be because I have a long torso or because you'll be a small baby, but we'll keep an eye on it just the same.

We love you so much. I'm really ready to have you in my arms to hold and love. Blythe said she doesn't love you in my belly but will love you when you come out of my belly. Get ready for some full on love!

Love, Mom

taking belly pictures can get dangerous when Mulan/Ping is running around your house

Baby bump 3: week 27

 For this week's viewing pleasure, I give you 9 o'clock at night in sweats: 

Dear baby,

You are moving and grooving now… or maybe you're just a lot bigger and I can feel you more now, either way I don't mind too much. It has made for a few uncomfortable nights, but I always remind myself that I am so grateful it is you in there.

I have felt like I've had twenty pound bags on me, just weighing me down, begging me to sit and rest and sleep. I've obviously had to do more throughout the days this time around, as your sisters don't want to give me the day off. The other morning I crawled in bed with Blythe after she woke up, hoping she'd take a hint and rest a little longer. She told me it was time to get up and so I told her she could just be in charge for the day. She said, "Littler girls can't take care of everything. We can't reach stuff." So I had to get out of bed to reach stuff all day.

Your dad returned safely from Haiti, and we're all glad to have him back. We were just talking about how when you girls all get older we would love to take a trip like that together. How neat it will be to get to watch you girls love and serve and learn from another culture and people; to get to see that God is the same in Haiti as He is here.

Oh girl. I'm starting to dream more about you. What you'll look like. What you'll be like. Will you like music like your sisters? Will you like to draw pictures on a blank piece of paper, or will you prefer to color in pictures already printed in a coloring book? Will you love to be outside? Will you talk early? Walk early? [My guess on the last two is probably and highly doubt it, if you follow the patterns set before you]. Will you love Jesus early? Will you be a good sleeper? [Please Lord, let her be a good sleeper]. So many unknowns and yet I know this with all my heart: we will love you as we learn who you are.

Love,
Mom

Baby bump 3: week 26

remember that one time I thought I would take all of my bump pictures with a good camera and good lighting next to a brick wall? 

This week my three year old took them on my phone. 

Dear Baby,

Hey girl! I'm way behind on writing you this week, but here's the deal: Your dad was in Haiti this week, playing with some kids at orphanages over there, so it was just me and your sisters holding down the fort. I realized that I was already behind and really needed a picture, so I handed my phone to Blythe and she snapped these. 

This week one of my favorite things happened: I got to feel you hiccup for the first time. This is one of my favorite sensations, because it just makes you seem even more real to me. I can picture you in my arms hiccuping as I hold you. 

I'm also to the point that I have to gauge whether bending over is really worth it. I'm definitely way more sore all over this time than the previous two. My cousin just told me that when she was pregnant she would kick all the toys to the center of the room and just bend down one time to pick them up. This is genius! 

I'm entering the land of very tired again, but that also means the end is in site which is hardly believable! It was bitterly cold this week, and I found myself longing for spring again; a spring in which you'll be in my arms. I love you so much. 

Love, 

Mom 

Baby Bump 3: Week 25

Dear Baby,

It's a new year, and it's the year that you'll be joining our lives. People asked me what my new year's resolutions were and well, if I'm being honest getting you here is the highest on my priority list. Which will be happen in three short months. I'm starting to think more about your arrival, as both of your sisters' were fast and furious. I wonder if you'll be the same? There is a part of me that is always a little anxious we won't make it to the hospital, but I'm praying you'll give me enough warning. 

You are moving so much more these days. I can put my hand on my belly and feel you roll. It's incredible. I still haven't got Blythe to sit long enough or you to kick at the right time for her to be able to feel you, but I'm looking forward to that day. She has changed her favorite name for you from Ariel to Aurora…but Becks has a hard time saying that so she thought maybe Dora would be better. I told her one time what your real name is and she said, "That's interesting." She wasn't fully paying attention I don't think or I would have never told her because I know she would tell everyone! 

I think my second trimester appetite is starting to slow down and that third trimester tiredness is starting to creep in. If I sit down or, worse, lay horizontal while playing with the girls I don't want to move at all. It takes a lot of motivation for me to want to get back up. I know that all of that tired just means your still growing, and that's all I can ask for at this point. 

I'm starting to dream more and more about my days with you; getting to know you and hold you and love you face to face. I'm sure our days will be chaotic, but I also know that every so often there will be moments of quiet and moments I want to bottle up forever. I can't wait to see what you add to our family, and how you teach me to love in new ways. 

Love, Mom

baby bump 3: week 24

[this is really me at the very end of 24/ beginning of 25 weeks] And if you want to know what I look like at the end of the holidays…

Dear Baby,

I cannot believe we're nearing the end of our second trimester. Sheesh! Where did the time go?! At the very beginning of this week we did our glucose test: I really don't mind the sugary drink I have to take, but the worst part for me was that I didn't drink my coffee before my appointment because I take my coffee with sugar. I didn't want to add any extra sugar to my system because my numbers have always been close. They said no news is good news, and I haven't heard back from them so I guess we passed! It was Christmas Eve when we had the test done, and she said they would be out of the office until Monday so I wouldn't hear until then anyway so I could eat whatever I wanted for Christmas. And did we ever!

We've been oh so busy-- here, there, and everywhere-- the last week. I kept forgetting to snap a picture, so that's why we got the tired looking one we did. But it has been fun to be around family. They are all so very excited about your upcoming debut, and couldn't help but pester us about your name and make guesses. Your dad and I held firm though and it will still be a surprise.

One funny thing from this week: your dad got fed up with our old box springs and one night just took our mattress off and put it on the floor. It is so much better [we don't roll to the middle and we've actually been sleeping!], but when I have to get up in the night to go to the bathroom getting up off of it is so difficult! You wouldn't think, at 24 weeks, it would already be so hard to do, but I told him we have about a week left of this before we have to get a new box springs and get that bed raised back up!

We got our first snowfall of the winter this week. I know some people really despise cold and snow, but I figure if it's going to be cold, I love the snow. The blanket of clean and quiet it puts over everything never loses its magic for me. I have bundled up your sisters several times to go traipse around in it, their little footprints disturbing the landscape, and I can't help but think about you joining in on their adventures. Will you be more like Blythe-- who seems to outlast everyone in her tolerance of the cold and wet and just keeps on playing-- or will you be more like Becks-- who hates to get dressed, but then has a little fun but doesn't last long? It will be awhile before we find out, but I love thinking about how you'll fit right into the mix somehow.

We love you, baby girl.

Love, Mom

Brent likes to capture these moments as well. How nice. 

baby bump 3: 23 weeks

23 weeks...I think. I'm all sorts of confused. I'm not sure I figured right and I think I may be 24 weeks? In my Belly Book I have this being the 24th week, but I maybe have that wrong. I know my due date is the 40th week... but does your due date end on the 40th week or begin on the 40th week? Someone much smarter, without pregnancy brain, fill me in! Regardless, I'll keep plugging along with these letters like I was, but I may be a week behind?

Dear Baby,

I feel like I am fully and completely way pregnant now. I feel you moving frequently, especially at night when I'm laying down, and can even see you make my belly move with your stronger punches. My back feels it by the end of the day, which is earlier than with my other two pregnancies, but I'm also older so I'm not blaming it on you, sweet one.

All I want to feed you is crispy M&Ms. All day long. Every day. I have consumed three of the big bags in about two weeks. Yikes. Your dad got some for my Christmas stocking [smart man], and I knew he had them in the house, so I told him we needed them and that he had time to get another bag to put in my stocking. He relented [smart man] and that bag is already gone. I guess we'll have to wait until Christmas ;).

I told your dad today, "I am so ready to meet this little girl." I love you so much already and I am starting to really long for those first sweet days with you where I just get to hold you and breathe you in and study your little face and try and figure out who you are. I am longing for those days where I get to tell you, "I love you, I love you, I love you" and kiss your tiny, soft lips over and over and over. I am longing to feel your sweet skin and smell you. But I know April will be here before we know it. This winter will be over and there will be new buds on the trees, new calves in the green fields, and in all of that newness I will get to meet you.

Blythe is more and more attached to you know. She counted our family the other day and then realized she hadn't counted you and quickly recounted: "We have FIVE people in our family!" She declared. Five. That number seems so large and I wonder how I'll handle all three of you ladies, but I know God's love is bigger than I am. There is a verse that says, "When I am weak, then I am strong." It's this wonderful truth that means that in my weakness, Christ's strength shows up. I'm sure you'll see me fail and be weak many times, baby girl, but I pray that in those times you also see Christ's power.

 Last night, I posted a picture of my pregnant self and wrote these words: It's my third time to be pregnant during the Advent season. I often sit down, exhausted and sore at the end of the day, and think of Mary. She felt the Savior of the world wiggling inside of her. I am often simultaneously terrified and awestruck by pregnancy. How much more intense were these feelings for her? And then, after labor in a barn, she got to hold Immanuel-- God with us. I'm sure she was humbled to tears, but I'm also certain she was overjoyed to finally meet, face to face, the one she had carried for nine months. The humanity of Jesus, and his arrival, are almost incomprehensible. And sweet girl, as we finish this week with Christmas I just want to say thank you for reminding me of the beautiful way in which Jesus came down to us. We love you so much and as much as I long to hold you, I am praying you stay safe and healthy inside for awhile.

Love, Mom

I thought it was time for a little comparison-- I pulled these pictures of me at 24 weeks [because I'm so confused]. Regardless, they're close enough.

With Blythe- 24 weeks

With Becks-- 24 weeks

With baby #3-- 23/24 weeks

I told Brent I definitely feel bigger than last time at this point! 

Baby Bump 3: 22 weeks

Dear Baby,

Another week in the books! Good job. Christmas parties are underway and it seems like all the holiday food is pouring in already. And you and me? We don't mind one bit.  I do think I'm a touch bigger than I was last time at 22 weeks, but not too much. However, I definitely feel way more pregnant already.

You've been moving and grooving a lot more lately, especially when I am just still after I've been moving a lot. Blythe tried to feel you moving the other day, and she said she did, but I know she didn't because she didn't react at all when you jabbed a little. I'm excited for that first interaction between you two. She has also moved on from the name "Twizzler" and would like to call you "Ariel." She thinks it is a beautiful name and she keeps saying, "Blythe, Becks, and Ariel." Don't worry, that will not be your name.

As we move further into this Advent season, and closer to the celebration of the birth of Christ, I can't help but think about Immanuel, God with us. Being pregnant during this time is always a blessing, and it always makes me really think about Mary-- the normal fears she would have had just being pregnant, let alone knowing that she was carrying the Savior of the world. When he kicked and squirmed inside of her like you do now inside of me, was she moved to tears every time by the immensity of what was happening?

But that is how God chose to send his son, our Savior, to us. As a baby. The same way you will enter this world in a few short months. It's incredible. Birth is a miracle every time. And when you are born I cannot wait to whisper the truths about our Immanuel to you.

Love, Mom

Baby Bump 3: 21 weeks

terrible lighting, sorry. I went to grab my camera and it was dead so another iphone picture. boo.

Dear Baby,

I feel like 21 is a big week, because now we are on the downward climb of this journey of ours. I understand there is still a long way to go, but we have less on this end than when we began back in August. Incredible.

I’m starting to brainstorm some ideas for your nursery. Most of it will stay the same: same wall color and curtains and bedding that your sisters had, but I want to bring some other stuff in just for you. I will obviously display your name somewhere prominently so there is no doubt that it is now your room. Your sisters were both in our bedroom for a little bit: Blythe for one week and Becks for about 2 days [she was so loud! You’ll learn soon enough that she still is!], so you’ll stay with us for a short little while, but we like putting you in your own space quickly. For that reason, I want it to feel like your room.

When I think about that, about actually having a new little baby girl to lay in that crib, I can hardly believe it is a reality. Didn’t we just do that? Yes and no. Are we ready to do that again? Yes and no. I think a person is always only mildly prepared to become a parent, or become a parent again. There are so many unknowns. Obviously the first time it’s all brand new information, but even the second time I realized I was becoming a new and different kind of mother than I had been, because I had a new and different kind of child. Which makes me wonder what kind of mother you’ll bring out in me that I haven’t gotten to discover yet?

Speaking of being on the “downward” end of journey, I think this is my last week to make my non-maternity pants work. Time to bust out the full panel jeans. I’ve said this before though, and I will say it again: I do not mind the weight gain or the way my body changes during pregnancy. Truly. Sincerely. Sure, there are parts that are uncomfortable that I would like to do without, but I don’t mind watching my belly expand because it is you and it is this crazy reminder of the God we serve: He is a God of abundance and He gives life. It is a beautiful thing and I will never bemoan that.

I love you, sweet girl. Winter is officially here, so stay warm and I’ll try to drink plenty of hot chocolate and coffee for you :).

Love, Mom