Monday, August 3rd, I thought a pregnancy test may reveal the results I was hoping for. Monday, August 3rd, I woke up preparing to bury Grandma Pat. Here is what I sat down and wrote to our third child at the end of that emotional and beautiful day:
August 3, 2015
Today we said goodbye to your dear Great Grandma Pat. Today we grieved her passing as we buried her, and rejoiced in the hope we have in a faithful God and the promise of heaven; we rejoiced in her unwavering faith in Christ. Today I found out that you would be joining our family in April of 2016. One life ends, another begins. The beauty of this is not lost on me. Our heavenly Father brought us joy in this day as those two pink lines appeared, and we could only marvel at His timing. I had only told one person in our family that we were trying again-- she was the best secret keeper-- and it seemed fitting that as I plucked a yellow rose from her casket I could whisper one last secret about your presence.
When I let Grandma Pat know that your dad and I had decided to be open to the possibility of another child, she simply and with her whole heart said, “Oh, I think that will be good.” And I do too. My heart is sad you won’t know this woman, and you’ll be the first great grandchild that she will not know in return. But let this be your first lesson in life: The Lord gives and takes away; Blessed be the name of the Lord. I would love to see her hold you, read to you, teach you dominoes, and give you crackers and coffee. But more importantly I would love to see you learn to love the God that Nini Pat loved.
In my first breath when I saw that line appear, I said, “Thank you, Jesus.” You are already prayed for, and it is God knitting you together in my womb. That miracle should astound you. And someday if you or your wife are lucky enough to experience this, I know that you will feel first hand the complete awe of this time. And the gratitude. Oh how deeply grateful we are.
I wanted to document this day for you: this day of great sorrow and great joy. Because this is life with the Lord. And these two deep emotions can sit side by side when you find your all in all in Him. Your heart can break and heal at a moment’s notice. There is an old hymn that says, “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, ‘It is well, it is well with my soul.’” And so today, as we hold death and life in our hands, we can say of both, “It is well with my soul.”
I am so excited for our journey together. I love you already.
|Most of the family the day of Grandma's funeral…the day we found out number three would join us. Her legacy only continues in these wonderful people.|
[Side note: August 3rd was also the first day of softball practice and the first day of my new job at the church. It was A DAY, let me tell you].