my superpower

You may not believe me, but I have a superpower. I know if the word gets out, that I would be interviewed anyway, so I'm just going to save some poor intern chap some trouble and write it in interview format so he doesn't even have to think. You're welcome, journalism college grad of 2014.
google images
What is your superpower?
Always being the one in the bathroom when the toilet paper runs out. Always.

Always? That seems pretty definite?
Always. I don't live in the gray area, son.

Does your superpower come in handy?
Absolutely not. It's pretty useless. Actually, it creates more work for me so it's less of a power, more of a kryptonite I suppose...but I had to get you out here to interview me somehow, right? Fame doesn't make itself.
and then we would laugh...hahaha.

So please elaborate on this so called "superpower." Is it everyday? Where does it most often occur?
Woah. One question at a time, please! I'm feeling suffocated.

Okay, I'm sorry. You're right. You're so smart. Please elaborate on your superpower. 
So it's pretty basic, but essentially it never fails that when I am in the bathroom, the toilet paper is bound to be at the end of the roll. Not like, "Oh man! I don't have anything to wipe with! Someone help me!" but more like there is exactly enough for...umm...one job... and then an empty roll.

And then you're left with a moral dilemma?
Exactly! Because it happens EVERYWHERE I GO. I'm at a friend's house: end of roll. My parent's house: end of roll. Target: end of roll. My own bathroom: end of roll.
Now, when I'm at my own house I kind of weigh the situation-- if it's midnight, it's not getting changed. 3 in the afternoon? It may not happen either...you can ask my husband. But I guarantee 10/10 I am the one in the bathroom when the brown cardboard appears.
If I'm in someone else's home, I typically scrounge around for another roll and if I find one I'll change it.
In a public restroom it depends: If they have the spiffy triple roll dispenser and it's as easy as sliding over another roll, I will. Why? Cause I'm a nice lady and I picture someone...older... who may have trouble with that kind of "technology". [You can leave the quotation marks out when this goes to print. It may come across as snarky.]

Probably because it is a little snarky. And ageist.
Hey buddy, who is paying your salary here?

Umm...not you? I'm pretty sure you don't even have a real superpower. 
Touche. Let's move on. Next question.

What have you discovered are the most obvious places people store their toilet paper?
Under the sink, cabinet or basket above toilet [those are the best because they are easiest to locate], or some store them in a linen closet in the hallway, which makes no sense to me because what if someone else with my superpower was just at your house but isn't as kind hearted and it's too late when you realize the toilet paper is gone?

How do you think this superpower has made you a better-rounded person?
It hasn't.

Do you know if superpower is one word, two words, or hyphenated?
Your guess is as good as mine.

post signature


Hannah said...

oh my gosh. this is hilarious. and I'm still laughing. out loud. and I'm by myself in the basement. hehehe... oh. too funny. what a horrible superpower to have. what a wonderful way to write about it :) thanks for the laugh :)

*carrie* said...

You're silly! (I think that *privilege* usually falls to me as well.)

And I hope you're recycling all those tubes you're uncovering!

Brent said...

It's true people.