My Resume Really

I am currently in the job hunting process and part of this means constantly revisiting my resume and getting it just right….however, I wish I could send in my real resume…what I am truly great at. It may look something like this:

--Please consider me for your company/school/business. I could be a great asset as I am quite talented at all of the following:

Getting the last little bit of lotion out of the bottle, even if this means cutting it open which provides at least another week’s worth of moisturized skin.

Applying mousse evenly through a lot of hair.

Folding underwear, which when done correctly, consists of three folds.

Dipping oreos with a slight rotation as to ensure that my fingers do not end up in the milk.

Responding to emails.

Loading dishwashers.

Steaming vegetables until they are just the right amount soft.

Eating foods high in fat content.

Making snow angels.
Scraping car windshields covered in ice.

Reading books that are everything but what I was assigned to read.

Catching students off guard who are talking/sleeping in class.

Finding treasure at thrift stores.

Avoiding dusting.

Still having some of the white candy stick left to enjoy after the rest of the Fun-dipis gone.

Cleaning retainers in vinegar.

Blogging instead of doing lesson plans….

[any you think I should add to the list]?