wove, twue wove...

Installment #2 of

Things I have learned/observed/am-still-learning/would-like-to-be-better-at because of my marriage to Brent:

8. Put aside competition...
This is very, very, very.....very, very hard for me. However, when I married Brent I knew that he was incredibly talented at many things; I knew he could dunk, I knew he could solve a rubix cube, I knew he could leap over 6'5" inch guys in a single bound... However, I didn't know this translated in everything he did. So I've learned that God has given me a mate who will kill my pride. When Brent does something-- even something simple, like vacuuming-- he does it slightly better than what I could do. Humble pie.

9. Love [verb]
Love no longer means the outward exhibition of an emotion: kisses, flowers, romantic dinners etc. It means sharing chores, laughter, listening even when I'd rather be watching HGTV. It is watching a painfully boring golf tournament, eating cookie dough until you're sick together. Love is sometimes silent and tearful.

10. Being mad is usually a wasted emotion.
Here is another one of those "I know it in my head but not in my heart" type of lessons. Usually, getting mad at Brent does none of the following: 1) Help the situation. 2) Resolve the issue. 3) Make him want to talk about it. 4) Make me appear attractive in anyway. Here is another one where you take a big gulp, calmly state the issue [because ignoring the situation sure doesn't help either!], take his hand, and wait for him to continue the now adult communication that is occurring.

11. Talk about expectations ahead of time.
This is something that we had to learn during our time apart in college. Because we only saw each other once every month or two, we learned quickly that if we didn't communicate what we expected that time to be like one or both of us would be let down in some way. We also had to learn that our expectations needed to be realistic. This made wedding planning a breeze, a stressful move less stressful, and chaotic trips home productive. I'm sure this will come in handy even more when kids enter the picture [no we're not pregnant.]

12. He is my husband not my gal pal.
This is the only one that Brent helped me with. :-) Last night, like a broken record, I turned to Brent and said, "What should I wear tomorrow?" To which he replied, "You should add to your blog list that you've learned that your husband is not your girlfriend." HA! He usually helps me pick out an outfit if I give him options, or tells me my hair is "bumpy" in the back, or that I have on too much blush etc. but when I ask him such questions it is torturous. It is true: he doesn't care. NOT: It doesn't matter. He simply does not care one way or the other if I wear the heels or the flats, the trouser pant jeans or the bootcut, is I wear my hair up or down for the event.... In his defense, he is very patient with me in this area [not surprisingly], and has even suggested that I make a Rolodex of outfit choices so he can just scroll through and select one. :-)

13. Feed him well.
Now I probably wouldn't be a Sch. family descendant had I not added this to the list. In our marriage I have learned that cooking a nice meal, AND sitting down to eat together is just what the doctor ordered. Now, cooking with large amounts of butter and lard may not be considered healthy, but it sure creates a very happy husband :-)... and helps with the "birthin' hips" that make come in handy for aforementioned future children [no we're not pregnant].

And there you have it. Definitely not an exhaustive list, but a truthful and reflective one. Thanks for your comments on the last post [interestingly enough they were mostly about how incredible Brent is...and how incredible my mom's towel folding abilities are. Well, if you think that is great, you should see how she folds underwear! :)]

And please stay tuned, tomorrow I'm going to introduce a new idea for Wednesdays on my blog: "wordless wednesdays"


Beck said...

Ref.#8 (competition)Brent could beat me at H-O-R-S-E when he was 10 yrs old and he kept getting better, I know how you feel.

Ref.#9 (love) After 40 years together I can say from experience that love [verb] improves.

Ref.#10 (being mad) Let the last thing you do at night be, at least, holding hands.

Ref.#11 (communicate)Communicate, communicate, communicate certainly before, during, and after kids...[no we're not either]

Ref.#12 (gal pal?) Men are not supposed to say anything negative at this point or they will get for breakfast (Ref.#13) their fill of hot tongue and cold shoulder!

Kali said...

I still think the rolodex is a good idea! Loved the list - as always, very well said.

Anonymous said...

You are keeping in mind that book I've casually mentioned, aren't you? Need an agent?