open letter number 5: oxi-clean

Open letter number 4: HOTELS
Open letter number 3: LAUNDRY
Open letter number 2: STUDENT LOANS
Open letter number 1: DRAWER UNDER MY OVEN

Dear OxiClean,

Umm, if I were to write a note in your yearbook right now it would read: I'll love you for always. Your BFF, Kels.

And I mean it, OXI [can I call you Oxi for short?], I will love you…forever.

For the longest time I have tried to be friends with Spray-N-Wash because that relationship was a bit more convenient, but let me tell you, it always left me aching for more. I wanted a commitment from a stain remover-- I wanted someone that would say, "Hey, I got your back. Don't worry about this, I'll take care of it. You go soak in the tub and read a book." But I had to end our relationship.

But please don't think you're a rebound, Oxi. Oh no, you are much more than that. My mom and my sister have tried to tell me about your beauty but, you know how it is- pride comes before a fall, and I didn't want to cave in and say, "You're right" too soon.

But yesterday you were there for me when no one else was. You were there in the midst of the chaos. You were there in the midst of my tragedy. You stood by my side, took my hand, and said, "Kels, I got this. Relax." And you did, Oxi, you did.

When Blythe pooped all over creation, you were there for me. You extended your kind and generous hands saying, "Give me your bedsheets, and crib mattress, and clothes, and blankets. I will make them beautiful again."

Did God commission you to this earth? Did He mix you up, high up in the heavens, pouring something magical into your container?

Oxi, BFF, I just wanted to say thanks for all you do. Your work does not go unnoticed. I'm sorry I was not faithful before, but I will be now…until the end.


The new master of "the pre-soak", Kels


Sue said...

You have made a believer of me. I too, have long resisted the lure of oxi-clean because I thought it was all hype. I am going to give it a chance!

*carrie* said...

Totally. I pretty much always have a Blue Bunny ice cream bucket filled with Oxi-clean and water for soaking purposes. It's mostly Naomi's little clothes, but I was amazed when it took out RED Jell-o from Natalie's white shirt a couple weeks ago.