I promise you that I won't ONLY blog about the baby [actually I have a post brewing about broken vehicles], but I do have a few things written that I can put up here now. I started writing my thoughts back in March, and about every month or so I jotted a few more thoughts down.
March 17, 2011
Brent just went to the store to buy me a pregnancy test.
Pause for shock to set in.
I don’t know if I’m pregnant [well, duh, hence the pregnancy test run...literally, he ran to the store]. We aren’t trying and I’m still on birth control. But I was sick about 2 weeks ago. So sick, in fact, that I started taking antibiotics. I know that this often makes birth control ineffective...so we waited like three days until after I’d stopped taking the meds. Three days is enough right?
So right now, I just don’t know. Some weird things have happened and I just want to know for sure.
And here’s the deal: We already decided we would start trying in July-ish. That would produce my perfect Spring-time baby...I like to call it, the teacher plan. But it’s MARCH. Right now it is march and if my calculations are correct that would mean nine months from now is December. December?! No offense Mom, but I’ve NEVER wanted to have a baby in December. Several reasons: it’s cold and I won’t be able to take baby outside for a LONG time; Christmas-- people are so busy and it just wouldn’t be ideal; birthdays of the future would always coincide with the big gift giving month and I don’t want my baby to be cheated out of presents :)
But I do want a baby. More and more lately we’ve just looked at each other when we see a family pushing a stroller. We want to start our family.
It’s just that the plan was JULY. It’s MARCH.
I always figured that when I got pregnant I would pray over my desires and hopes and see them grow into fruition. And although I have prayed for my future children, I haven’t prayed specifically yet. Because it is March. Not July. But maybe this is God’s way of telling me that He’s in control anyway? That it is humorous that I even thought I could plan such a thing?
So as I sit here waiting...fielding texts and a phone call from Brent to figure out where “they” are...my mind is rushing with a million thoughts. What do I want the test to say? Honestly at this point I will be happy either way.
But in JULY...oh in July I will pray for that little plus sign.
So right now, while Brent lurks around Dollar General waiting for students of mine to go home, I sit and type this to calm my mind. [And to keep my mind off of the fact that I really have to go to the bathroom...because I hear that that is involved in this step of the “knowing” process and I don’t want to wait any longer.]
If I had to say definitively at this point, I would say I am not pregnant. I have thought I was before, several times. And I never have been. But I am still peering out the window, waiting for that wonderful husband of mine to come bounding back down the street, a little more than I ever have before.
And here he is....