baby bump #2: week 37

Dear baby,

The end of a pregnancy is such a weird place to be as it is filled with so many emotions. I am currently feeling: ecstatic- I know that you will be in my arms soon and just knowing I will be holding you and breathing you in leave me beyond excited; terrified- there are still so many unknowns at this point because you aren't in my arms yet. What will delivery be like? Will you stay safe and healthy? Will I stay safe and healthy? sad- there is something bittersweet about this time that I'm not sure I can adequately describe. There is an intimacy and safety in being pregnant with you that is hard to want to relinquish. I also know pretty much what life looks like on a day to day basis right now, and soon I'll have to let that go; overwhelmed: you may very well find this out one day if you have children, but something snaps in a pregnant woman in the last little bit. I sent my sister a text today that said, "I have this great desire to clean everything while simultaneously taking a nap!" There is a very real need to have everything in it's place and the house clean and… just to be in a constant state of preparedness. It's weird; eager- I am so eager for you, my sweet second daughter.

I have definitely "dropped" recently. Again, because I'm one of the lucky-long-torsoed ones we have a lot of space to work with, so I don't look as "dropped" as some people do when the baby is getting ready. But I can sure tell. I also feel like I've really expanded in the past week or so, which would make sense, because you're packing on the pounds/ounces these days. The doctor still says you shouldn't be too big [around 6-7 pounds], which would be lovely. Do we have a deal? :) Our doctor's appointment this week went well. She won't check us for progression for another week, but your heartbeat is still strong and everything is looking good. I expressed some concern about having another/even faster delivery, thinking she would assuage my fears. Instead, she seemed even more concerned than me, saying that second deliveries are nearly always faster and that we need to be prepared. She said she doesn't care how far apart my contractions are, or even if what I'm feeling are contractions-- she said if I feel anything consistently to come in, be it sharp back pain, cramps etc. I was anxious last time about my water breaking in front of my students, but now I'm anxious that if my water breaks we really won't have time to get there! Just hang tight as long as you can, baby girl, in order to give us the best help we can get to ensure the safest arrival possible, okay?!

We had another wonderful shower thrown in our honor by some awesome gals from church. It was such a fun time just to fellowship together and think about your arrival. And they blessed us with some even more wonderful items that will be so good to have once you're here.

With some awesome ladies at our shower
Your ole mama turned 28 this week too. This is about where I thought I'd be when I was this age, but it is still hard to believe that I'm here and that you are so close to joining our family to make us FOUR. Your dad thought it would be awesome if I just went ahead and had you on my birthday like your Aunt Beth did with your cousin, George, but you just weren't quite ready, and that is okay.

A few more weeks? One more week? Only time will tell. My aches tell me you're getting closer, and my heart tells me it's not sure it can handle this much more love! We are so excited.

Love, Mom

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