oh me oh my

Remember my resolutions back in the blistering cold of January?

Yeah...apparently neither do I. In my defense, on January 16th when I wrote these I did not realize that over the next 7 months my life would change drastically and become busier than it ever was before. However...I do realize that is justification. So, mainly for me, here my update on my new year's resolutions:

1. I want to get to know Jesus again. I mean, I know him, and love him, but I want to get back to the point in our relationship where I always feel his presence. I just feel like I've been missing him recently. [And yes, this is the one resolution that is NOT in random order. This is number 1 for 2010]. Okay. This is difficult. I kept this resolution... until May. And then when life got the craziest, and when I should have been seeking Him the most, I let the ball drop. Brent and I are also still trying to find a church here where we can really get plugged in and find community amongst peers our age. Not having a church home yet is really having a toll on both of us, and the post-Southeast mindset is difficult to overcome. However, we are praying and know that God will be faithful. But church or no church, I need to make time for Jesus again. No excuses.

2. Do something intentionally everyday that is completely, and unselfishly for Brent. I want to have a more serving heart, and this is where I feel it needs to start. This could be a variety of things: buy pineapple [he loves it, I don't], write him a note to find in the morning,wash and fold his clothes AND put them away without being slightly upset that he didn't help with one of the steps...etc. He is the most selfless and serving person I know and I feel so loved by the ways he serves me daily. He deserves the same. And my heart will be better for it. Oh goodness gracious. 0 for two. I have bought an occasional pineapple or gallon of ice cream for him and written an occasional note...but... It's so difficult to intentionally step outside of myself on a daily basis. I will work on this one too.

3. Stop thinking about where I want to be and live where I'm at. No matter where I'm at. This is something I've written about before, and something that I struggle with a lot. Ever since I began college this has been difficult for me, and after every change I regret the way I lived in the places I was placed. Yesterday I had a brief meltdown about my time here in Louisville...crying out of sheer frustration with myself for not investing more. A friend told me that those are tears of unexpected blessings...I didn't expect to be blessed by living here. I just started reading "Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God" [from the same friend who told me the previous statement], and in the introduction the author says, "[We often] just sit and wait for "normal" life to resume. Don't we sometimes feel we are treading water until our "real" life and ministry begin?" Thus this resolution. I don't want to tread water any more, no matter where life brings me next. Oh how prophetic this resolution...if only I knew where life would take me next. I have often thought of this in my time here. I am trying to dig deep where I've been planted, and as you have read previous posts I have again struggled with change. I am determined to not let it own me. I feel like in the last few months of our time in Louisville, I did invest as much as I could. I even took a brief trip back in July and I have been intentional about keeping up with the relationships there. But now, I am HERE. And I am trying my best to live here and be here. Not treading water anymore.

4. This is post number 247 since I began blogging. My fourth resolution is to have written at least 500 by the time 2011 rolls around. I want these resolutions to be realistic, and realistically I will not be able to write everyday. So, 253 posts this year seems more doable. 2 days ago I said that writing is cathartic for me, and it truly is. So I want to do it more. I also think that the more I write the better I will become at writing. Like I always tell my students, "If you write everyday you get better at writing everyday." If I expect this of them, I should do this myself. So I want to "become big and write with the whole world in my arms." I think you can be the judge of my failure on this one... will work on it, but it will require my life to slow down a bit.

5. This is connected to number 2: wanting to have more of a servant's heart. I want to go on a service project or mission trip this year. Whether that means going downtown to help out at a soup kitchen or going overseas to help build houses or love on orphans, I want to be available. This was in the works in Louisville...our small group committed to doing a "fourth saturday serve" [every fourth saturday] somewhere in Louisville. And then we moved. Lame. Any suggestions?

6. I want to complete p90x. Last summer Brent and I started, if you remember, what I deemed "the devil's workout." But I felt so healthy. It is not a workout to necessarily lose weight, but to build muscle and strength and endurance. Something I have missed since my days of high school basketball. We are wanting to start at the beginning of February, and I want to finish this time. [Last time Brent hurt his shoulder about 45 days into it, and without him to help me stay motivated I stopped.] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nope. [Sidenote: Brent is doing fantasic with this one! :)]

7. I want to be less of a budget nazi. See post from a few days ago if you have not been introduced to this alter ego of mine. This doesn't mean that I still don't want to be frugal and wise with our money; I believe that is biblical. I just don't want to feel controlled by it, because that is NOT biblical. I want to find the balance. [Soon I will write about my first step in this process]. Okay...I actually feel like I have done a good job on this one!!! YAY for the first resolution I feel I have actually accomplished! I don' t know if this was intentional or if buying a new house just automatically forces you to loosen the purse strings, but I'm slowly finding balance. I think part of this stems from me realizing how crazy I am/was [the budget nazi me is a real deal!], and the other part stems from me wanting to make this place a home for us. I also realized that we have a savings account so that when our blue car poops out we can actually replace it without going into debt. Even though it means taking some money from savings, we are okay. I am proud of how much we have been able to do and how we haven't gone into debt [except our house loan...obviously, I mean, come on people!]. And before you think I've totally gone off my rocker you should still know that I haven't gone completely crazy--- I mean, I still tear my gum in half pieces so that the pack lasts longer :) [Oh and the first step was that Brent and I bought tickets back home to see Paige and Torri on the courtwarming court...it was a surprise for them and worth every penny!]

Well... as you can all see... I have failed miserably. I will get to work on this. I promise you.

And a mini update:
- my softball girls are 11-2. Awesome.
- I have roughly 45 minutes of free time a day [if you count eating free time].
- school is going fairly well. I'm getting in the routine of having three different classes more and more. I still miss my community at my old school every day, but I still enjoy teaching none-the-less.
- Brent is still liking his job.

Now, if you don't mind, I have some resolutions to attend to. Have a great weekend!