|Mother's Day-- the end of what would have been week 40|
It is our last "bump picture" with you in it-- my favorite bump picture yet! Just last week your dad and I were talking about how fast this entire journey has gone, and yet in the same breath it is hard to believe you are actually here with us, making us a family of four.
You shocked me completely when the nurses announced you were only five pounds and twelve ounces. All along the doctor told me you wouldn't be very big [she said no more than 7 pounds], but I felt for sure you were bigger than your sister was. But they laid you on my chest, after our fast and furious labor and delivery, and sure enough you are such a tiny, tiny thing to love. You have been a really great baby in your first two weeks of life. You are strong for being so little too! You've been very alert and wakeful after feedings, and you are a fast nurser [praise the Lord!]. There has only been one night where you didn't want to fall right back to sleep-- you didn't fuss though, you were just wide awake for about two hours. [Actually while I write this you are awake, snuggled on my chest, just taking everything in].
You looked so much like your sister at first that your dad and I were having flashbacks. But now we think you look like Becks. You are so beautiful. Several times your dad will just hold you and look at you and then sigh and say, "Man, she's pretty." Blythe has been very sweet with you as well. She loves to kiss you and love on you, but prefers that you be awake when she does it ["eyes open," she says]. I can't wait to see your relationship with one another grow and grow.
You're kind of a grunty, noisy sleeper. We kept you in our room for the first week, but now you're sleeping in your crib in your own room. It is literally about 15 or 20 steps from our bed, so I don't think you feel too abandoned.
It is so very strange to carry a baby so close for nine months, and then have her come out into this bright and bustling world and no longer be able to "protect" her in the ways I could before. I forgot how scary it is, actually. I forgot how utterly dependent I have to be on Christ-- to trust that He is holding you and watching you in the moments I can't.
You are wearing some preemie clothes, and I have a feeling you'll be in newborn diapers for awhile yet. Though we tried to prepare ourselves for a baby that didn't have dark hair, we weren't surprised when you did. I just love breathing you in, and kissing your tiny lips. In the stillness of the night when we are awake together while you eat, I sometimes pray over you like I did when you were still in my belly. Yet looking in your eyes, and praying for this very real baby in my arms, is a little different-- the stakes seem higher.
And so in this final letter, know that we pray that we can love and serve you well; that we can discipline you wisely and know your heart. We pray that you would have integrity, live a pure life, be patient in the big stuff, and be devoted whole- heartedly to what you are passionate about. We pray that you would know and love our great big God, who has given you to us. We pray that you would love Jesus, and that you would love like Jesus.
We love you so very, very much, sweet Becks Lynae. I know our journey is just beginning-- and I'm so excited.