Dear Becks,
One of our favorite video clips we have of you at age two plays out as follows: Nan had just joined our family and I was desperate for a short, little family walk. Some fresh air after having been cooped up with three kids ages 4, 2, and newborn was desperately needed. So when your dad got home from work, I strapped Nan on my chest and we headed out the door and up the sidewalk. We walked to "the big rock," a very short distance from our house and back. At one point your dad hit record, and what he captured was me (baby Nan strapped on), and toddler you in pigtails and shorts. The sidewalk med a driveway and, as we'd been trying to teach you and Blythe to watch for cars on driveways, I asked you to take my hand. I reached down, fingers outstretched toward you. And what did you do? You crossed your arms, turned your body away from mine and said in your tiny-toddler voice, "No. I'm good."
And that 8 second video clip has pretty much defined so much of who you are: Independent, a little defiant at times, but really, truly-- you are "good," meaning you are capable of handling and navigating many things. I was thinking about that video as you turn nine, because in so many areas of your life this year I have just seen you blossom with even more self-confidence, while luckily leaving a lot of the defiance behind you ;).
You still are most in your element when you're outside romping and getting dirty. The dirtier you get, the more fun you seem to have. You also still love animals-- whether that's helping feed our neighbors chickens and collect eggs, or see the red pandas at the zoo, or playing with a neighbor's cat or dog. Nan is getting a kitten soon as part of her birthday present and I have a feeling that you'll have just as much fun loving on it as she does. Last year you caught so many tadpoles, and had named many of them by the release time. A few died and you insisted we give them a proper burial. One had a gimpy fin and same on his side, and the rest of the season you'd march down to papa's pond looking for "Sidey." One of your favorite things to do is still to go out fishing with papa. We've decided you are probably too tender hearted to ever join him with a gun in the hunting blind, but you're more than content to throw on a pair of jeans and grab a rod and reel.
You've become more aware of helping around the house lately too, but your favorite ways to help are always in the kitchen. Just recently we went on a little hike and you found some wild onions. We brought them home and you helped clean them and chopped them up to throw in spaghetti sauce for supper. You really love to bake, but since that's not something I love, you tend to get your fixes for that with your grandma's (and super special times with Aunt Kali is back visiting). It will be interesting to see how your love for cooking and baking grows over the next few years as you are more and more capable of doing things in the kitchen by yourself.
You still love getting dressed up for an occasion, or even just picking out the right pair of earrings for school. Getting to take your birthday pictures every year is so fun for me, because you absolutely love the entire process-- from picking your outfit, to doing your hair, to being in front of the camera. You always have location ideas and ideas for posing. This year for your birthday, knowing your love for these kinds of things, Nana took you to get a pedicure. It was your first and you thought it was such a fun experience. You're always willing to give me advice about an outfit choice, and it's fun. I think you will love all of the next big things in high school as we pick out prom dresses etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying these types of things, as long as you always remember that the Lord looks at the heart, and to do the most important work there always and first.
You have developed your own unique relationships with each of your siblings. You and Blythe are still very close, and still share a room. You've mentioned a few times that you think having your own room would be great, but Blythe insists that you stay with her, because you have always made her feel safe. When you guys were little and Blythe went through a season of being afraid at night, I didn't even know it was happening for a long time because you would tell her stories about how you had "laser eyes" that could kill mice etc. if they got close. Ever since then you are a safe place for her, and I think that is pretty special. Plus you guys like to giggle a lot at night. You and Nan have had a bit more tumultuous relationship lately, but then there are moments of real beauty. The last time we went to the creek to play, there was a large tree that had fallen across it, completely blocking one path through. You took Nan's hand, and gently helped her up one side of the creek bank and back down so you could go explore together. You were encouraging her the whole time, checking on her to make sure she was okay and making it. I was so proud of you and knew in that moment that, despite your differences, you would always look out for her. And then there is Sloan. You can't get enough of him, still viewing him as a baby who will let you squish him and hug him most days. He is not a baby though, but a rather strong 4 year old who usually gets very upset by your tender advances. However, as the two early risers in the family I can often find you with him when I wake up, playing monster trucks or puppies or whatever else he wants to play, you being content to make him happy (and still milking some hugs out of him when you can).
You have really started to enjoy reading more, and sometimes I find you curled up on the porch with a book and it makes me so happy. You have really wonderful friends. You can still find someone's button to push like no other, and yet the way you hug usually makes up for it. Another thing you do often, that always makes me laugh, is singing loudly when your playing, showering, riding bikes, whatever. Whether it's a worship song from the radio or-- a current favorite of yours-- the National Anthem (haha), you belt it out as if you are performing for millions. And it reminds me the heart you have behind a sometimes timid exterior. When I think of the woman that you are becoming year after year, layer upon layer, I am blown away. If I could peer into the future, I think I would find you creating lots of adventures, surrounded by children and animals to care for and nurture, having lots of incredible friendships in your life... but also, knowing that whatever you face that you're "good." That you can handle much of what comes your way. I didn't know how my shy little toddler would grow, but that little clip should have assured me that you have the tenacity and spirit to tackle life with vigor. Our prayer is that while you do so, you would also always remember that Christ is with you to guide and direct you.
As always: your dad and I hope you always understand the why behind our no-s. We hope you feel safe in the boundaries we set. We hope you feel freedom in the wide open places we leave for you. We hope you see God in our actions and words. We hope when you leave our little home for good and go out on your own that you'll look back on this simple little life we had together-- chaos and mistakes and messes and all-- and see that it was grace that held us together; that you see that it was God's daily bread that provided it all.
Happy ninth birthday, Becks Lynae ! There is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you!
