Becks Lynae,
It seems an impossibility to be standing at the reality of age eight with you right now. Last week I had to put your brother on top of the washing machine for a time out, a trick I hadn't had to resort to since you were two. It took me right back to those toddler years with you, though. I loved you so intensely, but you completely depleted everything in me by the end of the day most days. Your tiny little fists would often be balled up as you stood toe to toe with me, exasperated I wouldn't cave and yet determined to last as long as your stubborn little body could. It was exhausting and yet I now see the fruit of those years together. I see so many of those traits still in you-- dogged determination, a lit up spirit, your own opinions-- and yet you've learned the beauty of boundaries, deep breaths, and thinking beyond the moment at hand.
I think the biggest help in this arena has little to do with your dad and I over the years and more to do with how you've led your own heart to follow Jesus. You've allowed The Helper, another name for the Holy Spirit, to dwell in you and guide you and I am repeatedly telling you how I see the fruits of this Spirit in your life. You obviously still need reminded from time to time [as does your mother ;)] to be more patient, more gentle, more kind etc, but we have truly noticed a difference in your heart's posture. You made this decision this year and talked to me about it, saying you wanted to be baptized. When I talked to you about what that meant you said, "I know I will still sin after I get baptized, but when God sees me he will see Jesus." On March 6 you were baptized and it was day of celebration for sure! We are so proud of you-- it's the best decision you will make to follow Christ.
There were a lot of other big moments this year, too. A trip to Colorado right after your birthday, another season of tball, and a summer filled with little, mundane things like swimming, time at the creek, and catching tadpoles. All those little moments add up to a big thing in my book, and I think over time you will see they have for you too. Those moments are when you are in your element the most, Becksy. When you can have your hands in the dirt, your toes in the mud, a creature in your net, your siblings around you, the wind at your back, the sun in your face, and no agenda but to play and run and be. You are a gold medalist in those moments, filled with bursting joy and unbridled enthusiasm for life. It's so fun to watch you explore and dream.
One day we came home from church and you discovered a calf that had just been born right next to our fence row. The mama was cleaning it and being very protective, but you were enamored by the entire process. I brought out popcorn and we sat on the trampoline and watched that miracle for nearly an hour. The calf took its first feeble and wobbly steps and we watched. It searched and searched for the udder, the mom trying to help as best she could. Eventually it found it and figured out how to suckle a little. We watched it all but I think you, more than anyone else, were really taking it in like you seem to do everything. You notice details no one else does, little moments and sights and sounds that seem to be captured only by you. I like to think that that day, us munching popcorn and watching the incredible first moments of a calf, will stay with you the rest of your life.
Speaking of noticing things, you are still the one that pays attention to what people are wearing, jewelry, shoes, accessories, you name it! Just the other day I had on some sandals with a wedged heel and you said, "Mom, remember when we had our bookstore date and there was a mom and daughter that had matching sandals like that?" That date was months ago, and yet you still remembered this teeny detail! If your dad ever has a "should I wear this, or should I wear that" kind of question, you're the one he asks. If someone gets new glasses, or a hair trim, or new earrings, it does not go unnoticed by you. I think this is why you're very good at also perceiving people's motivations-- you know how people tick on a level that a lot of people never notice. Which means you can really drive your siblings batty, because you study them, study them, study them, and then know exactly what buttons to push to evoke the responses you want. We've talked a lot about using this gift for good and not evil ;). In a world where most people are moving too quickly, you're a noticer. And that is a special gift, indeed.
You learned how to really swim at the end of last summer, and you learned how to really read and love it this school year. Your confidence this year, Becks? Well it flew through the roof! When I think back on the super shy, timid kindergartner who could hardly look adults in the eye I barely recognize her. Your teacher this year was incredibly special and really pumped you full of encouragement and confidence. You started volunteering for things without prompting, raising your hand, and participating in ways you never have. It's been very fun to see you blossom.
One big, huge, incredibly fun and special thing happened this year too: you got to go to Hawaii! This is not our typical type of vacation, but thanks to my cousin Lauri and Charles we had the trip of a lifetime. You got to see and swim in the ocean for the first time. You hiked Hawaiian mountains, saw monk seals, Pearl Harbor, and boogie boarded. We went to a luau, which you absolutely loved. You really liked hiking, and some of the trails we did required you to use a rope in some spots, but you were always up for the challenge. I love that when we go on hikes I know that you're never going to be the one to complain or get tired first :), it seems to be right in the sweet spot of your element, which I love. One night while we were there you curled up in your bed and were trying to explain to me this funny feeling you had in your tummy. I explained that it was homesickness. Even though most of us were together, we had left Sloan at home, and I think that coupled with missing the familiarity of routine and our surroundings, were felt by you. I suffered from the same thing when I was your age, and I don't ever want you to think it means you aren't strong. There is a kind of strength that comes from loving your home and being comforted by those you love, and missing it is not a form of weakness.
The things that make you the happiest right now? Being outside, your 2nd grade teacher, riding your bike, digging in the dirt, snuggling into your dad's lap, and babies. All the babies. When any of our friends come over with a baby you ditch whatever else is going on and just want to sit and hold the baby. You'll lay down next to them and pat their back, or hold them and talk to them. Just last night you randomly asked me, "So mom, how old do I have to be before I can start babysitting?" You are just an innate little mother-hen. There is nothing you want more every morning than for Sloan to hug you and kiss you. It's to the point where you'll bribe him with any manner of things to make sure this happens. Sometimes he gets so sick of your smothering love he wallops you, but all is forgiven if he'll sit with you while you read to him. You usually try to get him to sit on your lap but since he's about the same size as you it usually results in a side-by-side reading with lots of pauses for you to kiss his cheeks. You've devised a game where he runs around the house, but when he gets to you you blockade the hallway. This is remedied by him saying, "Home sweet home. Becks is my favorite." And then he has to hug and kiss you before passage is granted. Poor Sloan, you've manipulated him into loving you :).
Oh Becks girl. You have the most wide-open, adventurous heart behind an often timid body. Watching an idea spark behind your beautiful blue eyes is one of my very favorite things. I hope you never tire of giving out hugs, digging in mud, and following Jesus. Eight years ago in a hospital room you came in a hurry. You weren't breathing initially, and they took over to the corner of the room. That space between delivery and your first cry was fleeting but felt oh-so-long. And it was in that space I truly became your mother. And it has been such a joy to be that for you. There are few things I enjoy more in this life than making you really laugh. Thanks for making each day an adventure. When I look at the pictures we took this year [a process you quite enjoy, might I add!], I see your face changing into that of a young woman. And I am looking forward all the nexts with you as well.
As always: your dad and I hope you always understand the why behind our no-s. We hope you feel safe in the boundaries we set. We hope you feel freedom in the wide open places we leave for you. We hope you see God in our actions and words. We hope when you leave our little home for good and go out on your own that you'll look back on this simple little life we had together-- chaos and mistakes and messes and all-- and see that it was grace that held us together; that you see that it was God's daily bread that provided it all.
Happy eighth birthday, Becks Lynae ! There is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you!
