Christmas Card 2020

 

I think this is about the TENTH year I have done our Christmas-card-on-the-blog thing... so maybe I should just admit that this is how it is and you probably won't get one ever in the mail from us. ;) But alas, here we are, on the 'ole blog, reflecting on the crazy year that was 2020. 

Here are a few brief updates on the kids for you, because let's be honest, that's the whole reason you are here. I couldn't believe I only had ONE family photo of all 6 of us from this year that we took at Torri's wedding [Torri got married! Brent sang! The girls were giggling messes of flower girls down the aisle! I got to be a bridesmaid! It was a wonderful highlight of the year for all of us], but I couldn't use it on the card because it was vertical and Sloan was crying and I was doing a mouth half open laugh/smile thing and two girls were looking elsewhere. Brent, of course, looked fabulous. But I figured you didn't even care if there was a picture of Brent and I on the card, for crying out loud! 

Where was I?! Oh yes, the kids... the reason you are all here: 

Sloan Lee started the year with a bang, falling down a flight of stairs. I was right there and couldn't quite get to him-- one of those slow motion situations where you're just grasping at air. He ended up in a cast for a few weeks and it slowed him down ZERO PERCENT. He figured out how to walk and dance in the thing, but we were all happy when he got to have it removed. He was running again in no time. Which is pretty much how he spent the rest of the year: running. He is non stop, drools like crazy, out eats nearly everyone, and now only weighs three pounds less than Nan. He loves cars, snacks, and being outside. He also really enjoys sitting and looking at books. His hair is the most beautiful red and inspires the most frequently asked question: "Where's the red hair from?" [Answer: it runs amuck amongst our relatives]. He is talking all the time now [quite loudly, which is expected in a family our size-- the fourth kid has to get his two cents in one way or another!] We call him our little joy machine and that is exactly what he is: all slobber and joy, joy, joy. 

Nan Louise is still one in a million. My dad just recently found an old Christmas letter he sent when I was a child, and at the end of the paragraph about me he wrote, "Although she isn't as involved in activities as Kali is, just being Kels is a full time job!" And so God gave me Nan, because just being Nan is a full time job [and consequently, being her mother ;)]. Last year I wrote about how FULL life is with her, and that is still the case-- she is full of noise and action and questions and hugs and energy and tumbles and just does not stop being full capacity Nan. This year she has worked very hard on her letters, loves to draw, loves her Nature Day adventures, and loves having books read to her. She still naps [HARD] a few times a week, and really needs those to power her through her days [and her mother is grateful for the short bursts of quiet as well ;) ]. She has really been so patient with Sloan and has taught him how to play with her well. Her big adventure this year included falling out of hammock directly onto her mouth, resulting in two front teeth being pulled. It was the very week dentist offices opened back up, so we were very grateful she chose to be clumsy after the shut down. Nan makes our lives full, full, full. 

Becks Lynae is now in the first grade, which seems just about impossible, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's true because she is starting to read, read, read. Any time I talk to anyone who sees her at school, they all have said the same thing this year: "She has really grown so much!" And it's true. She's becoming more confident and more willing to step out of her comfort zone. She has some truly great friends who are outgoing and have been brave for her and are showing her the way forward in that as well. In her natural habitat of our home, however, she is as feisty and funny and silly as ever. She picks the most fights of any of our kids, but there is a reason for that: she can read people incredibly well. I recently had a conversation about this with her and I told her that being able to know how people are feeling is such a special gift that God gave her...but that she needs to stop using it to push her sisters' buttons! She gets complimented on her beautiful blue eyes all the time, and she still hops up on our hips and lets us hold her. We don't know how much longer that will last, so we are soaking it in. She is very affectionate and I know I can always count on her for a good, long hug when I need it. She loves to bake, loves to get dirty in the mud, and is my most adventurous girl. In Colorado this year the others called it a day and Becks continued to hike with me. I wasn't sure how far the hike was, but she hung with me when it ended up being over FIVE miles up and down the mountain. Becks is the little engine that could. 

Blythe Kathleen, the girl of more hobbies than you could imagine, is in the third grade and loving it. She loves to learn, devours books, keeps a notebook at home to "write chapter books in", has picked up knitting, learned how to ride a 5 speed bike around town by herself [ahh!], still enjoys piano lessons, and can be trusted to take care of Sloan when I need to get something done. She could probably hop in the car and go to the store for me if I needed her to, but I won't push it ;). At the beginning of the year she was baptized, which was an incredible day of celebration for all of us. She is now in a sweet little bible study with some other girls at church, and asks me some very thoughtful questions when reading her own Bible. Watching her grow in her love and understanding of the Lord has been one of this year's greatest joys for us as her parents. This year before her birthday she said, "I don't really want to get older because I don't want to stop playing with my toys." I assured her, 8 is still plenty young to play with toys and I let her in on a secret that I still played with my Barbies until Junior High. I know kids grow up "faster" these days, but I'm praying her sense of creativity and wonder and her thirst for fun never leave her. This advent she has been working on about 20 different hand made presents for people in her life... I'm not sure she'll finish a single one as I watch her bounce from one to the next to the next: and that sums up Blythe perfectly: thinking of others, creating like a mad woman, distracted easily! 

Brent and I are still doing well. He's still working compliance at the bank and enjoys running and biking and working out. He wasn't able to do many races this year, and was pretty disappointed when a big triathalon got canceled, but he found other ways to stay active. He completed some pretty big landscaping projects this spring for us, and powered through when his wife pushed him into a huge kitchen remodel ;) . He still loves discipling and growing with men from our church, and his big endeavor this year has been to pursue Enneagram Coaching. He is hopeful and prayerful for ways he will get to use this to help others. He remains steadfast and kind, the most attentive and loving dad, a fun and reliable partner to do this life with. My photography business really took off this year and I was able to shoot several weddings on top of the many family sessions I enjoy doing. It was an incredible blessing and reignited a joy for photography for me and I look forward to next year [and rolling out an official photography website soon!]. When I wasn't busy with photos I was, of course, tending to our kids and keeping the household running. I feel so fortunate that this is the work I get to do: caring for the daily needs of my family. It is holy and good, even when monotonous and seen by so few. Brent and I really believe in just faithfully showing up to wherever God has put us, and loving and serving right there, and 2020 reminded us again that there is a lot to love and serve and show up to even when we don't leave our four walls. 

I guess I didn't mention much about living through a global pandemic. I figure we can read about that anywhere. Sure, it changed things. We missed out on a lot. "Canceled" became a too permanent word in our vocabulary. But I learned a lot about hope. I learned a lot about peace. And I learned a lot about how I can feel those things here, on this messed up and hurting earth, because my hope and my peace are not found here. 

I was actually thinking about this year-- how we've learned the art of embracing shifting plans and loss and imperfection. And I looked at our Christmas tree: It's a mess. the ornaments are far from evenly spaced, color coordinating, or perfect. I don't even have a tree skirt, and the blanket that I haphazardly threw around the bottom is to cover up the board books that are propped under the tree stand to keep it from leaning too far. Need Brown Bear, Brown Bear? You can get that back at the end of December. Our advent candles lean precariously, our nativity's sheep has a broken leg and a missing angel, and the Christmas church decoration has been used as a prison for dolls. When I hung the stockings I thought again of the year I didn't get to hang one after our miscarriage. 

It's kind of a picture of this year, isn't it? So much imperfection. So much mess. So much leaning. So much loss. But looking at my leaning Christmas tree I am thinking: This is exactly how I want to celebrate Christmas; this is how I want to move through Advent. Because surrounded by all this imperfection I can remember why my Savior had to come-- why that baby in swaddling cloths was so imperative to the hope I now have. Without that sweet babe that would become the sacrificial lamb? The mess, the imperfections, the leaning, the loss-- that's all it is. It REMAINS messy, imperfect, leaning, and lost. But with Christ? Immanuel? It BECOMES clean, perfect, straight, and found. And more miraculously is that you and I can become those things through Him as well. Without him we remain; with Him we become. 

And that's what I always want to turn my heart towards during Advent, pandemic or no pandemic: I want to see the reason I needed a Savior-- I want to peer into the manger and see my salvation from and through all this, and I want to realize in my waiting He has been here all along. Immanuel. God with us. And while we wait for the second coming-- when He comes less meekly and more triumphantly [Oh Lord, hast the day!]-- I get to rejoice in the finality of becoming like Him. I will be found in the most final way. So may we embrace our need this year. May we see our sin for what it is. Because only then will we be fully prepared to celebrate His coming back them... and His coming back again. 

In the kids' little advent book one of the prayers said: "Thank you for bringing good things out of things that looked dead..." And as we head into the week of Christmas in the year of a pandemic and a lot of other turmoil, if things seem darker than you'd like or more barren than you'd hope, will you   h o l d   o n  with me? 

His light is coming.

A weary world rejoices! 

And even though we haven't got to see you much this year, we love you all! 

Merry Christmas from the Irwins

 Post Script:

OH! And how could I forget! We got a puppy. If you look at the pictures at the top of this letter and the lack of the mention of said puppy, you may be able to deduce that a puppy in a house with four kids and a mother who has a lifelong fear of dogs did not stick. But I would be remiss to mention it and also want to add that Margo is quite happy and thriving in her new home :) 

Sloan is TWO

Dear Sloan Lee,

Here we are at your SECOND birthday, and it is no secret, two is one of my very favorite ages. There are days I am still in shock that you're a boy. When they laid you on my chest two years ago the first thing I asked was, "And it's for sure a boy?!" I couldn't wrap my mind around you then, and there are days now I'm still trying to figure out how you made your way into our family of girls. However, it's very apparent you were supposed to be the caboose to our family train, and there is not a day that goes by we are not grateful for you. 

Cars. Cars. And cars. These are your interests. And food. And sleep. You make sounds for every single thing-- you've perfected all vehicle sounds [My favorite of which is "hont hont" for "honk honk"]. You [STILL!] drool nonstop. If there is food around, you want it. And you love your blankie and paci and as soon as we give them to you you snuggle right in for bed. You are a great sleeper and still go to bed around seven most nights and stay content in your bed until around eight in the morning [thank you!]. You also love your afternoon nap, and I realized recently that normally at this time we have to interrupt the sleep habits of our two year old to transition them to a big bed to make room for another baby in the crib. But not this time! You're so content in your crib, and there is no reason to kick you out, that I think we will let it ride for awhile. 

When you were born I think we had about four toy cars in our house. That has changed and now I find them everywhere and step on them when I'm making supper. You say, "weeee ooo weee oooo" for any emergency vehicle, constantly survey the sky for airplanes, and love when Richard comes to hay the field behind our house in his tractor. However, you have a tender spirit, it seems, and find a lot of loud noises "too scawey".  You love to be read to, and a favorite of yours is "Time for Bed" where you find the "little tiny moon" on every page. You love to point out the "little tiny moon" any time you see it in the sky too. 

You go non-stop, and when Daddy gets home you immediately start saying, "I'mmmmm....I'mmmmm... I'mmmm...." and wait for him to finish "....gonna get you!" And then you try to taunt him by saying, "Can't catch me!" But you're so excited it comes out as mere syllables of sound as you peel out around the corner, running away from Daddy in your favorite "get you game." I feel so fortunate to get to be home with you all day and watch you grow and learn. 

You are not the easiest to understand, but you make sure you get your point across. We call you are little JOY MACHINE, because from the moment you wake up you you are bursting with life and we can't help but be happier when you're around. You keep me on my toes, though, for sure. Whether you're pulling things out of the pantry or running around the neighborhood because you've snuck out the back door which you can open on your own, or you've climbed up on something, it's easy to lose track of you! You've given us a few scary moments when we couldn't find you for a bit, but you're usually not too far away, just playing happily with something when we're frantically searching for you. When you make "muscles" it looks like you are about to explode, you're entire body constricting and your face getting red. And that's you Sloan-- all in, about to explode. 

Your sisters ADORE you. There are times you have to push them away because they are covering you in kisses. But affection and help and love is never far from you. Often I find you on one of their laps listening to a book. There are times though that they insist I keep you upstairs or inside or in your room or in a specific location because they have built something and they just know you will destroy it. One time Blythe said, "I kind of miss when Sloan just laid on the floor because then he didn't mess up all our stuff." You're learning though and even know, at two, I see you beginning to have a great imagination and joining in play with the girls in fun ways. 

Our most frequently asked questions of you are as follows: Where does he get his red hair?! Is it different having a boy? Is he built differently than your girls? Where does he get his red hair?! And... Where does he get his red hair?! To answer: you have lots of red headed aunts and uncles and a grandma that had red hair. Yes. And decidedly so-- the girls were all petite and you are not. 

Many times in the morning while I'm reading my bible you find me. Inevitably you drive your cars across the pages of scripture, and eventually I welcome you to "pat the bible" as I have done with all your sisters. You put your cars aside and we pat the bible and we say, "God's word is true." And I pray, Sloan, that through the years you will learn the beauty of that seemingly simple statement; that you will learn that God's words are true forever and always, for you and for everyone. And I pray that those words in scripture will change you and mark you and move you to action. 

Looking at pictures of you now-- stout, strong, and heftier than any of your sisters were at this age-- I know your dimpled hands and pudgy cheeks are going to change over the course of this year. I know when we hit three next August you will be decidedly less baby and more little boy. And while I do mourn the passage of this stage-- the end of an era with toddlers-- it is a joy to watch you grow. While I will be sad when you no longer fit on my hip so easily [though it's getting more difficult now], know that it is a joy to simply be near you. We love you so much, Sloan. And the toddler years are sometimes etched with lots of discipline and lots of boundaries. But know this: When we have to sit you in time out for throwing a fit, know we are trying to teach you that immediate gratification and always being told "yes" are not as valuable as patience and learning the art of dying to self. When we force you to say "thank you" over and over and over again, or make you "ask nicely" instead of whining before you get something, know that we are trying to teach you that the people in your life are important, and that being kind shows them you value them. 

 

But ultimately: Your dad and I hope you always understand the why behind our no-s. We hope you feel safe in the boundaries we set. We hope you feel freedom in the wide open places we leave for you. We hope you see God in our actions and words. We hope when you leave our little home for good and go out on your own that you'll look back on this simple little life we had together-- chaos and mistakes and messes and all-- and see that it was Grace that held us together: that you see that it was God's daily bread that provided it all. 

Happy second birthday, Sloan Lee! There is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you.