WORDSthatSING

baby bump: 31 weeks

2012-01-30T17:56:00.006-05:00

dear baby,

look at us, flying through this pregnancy together. only 9 more weeks! i'm getting more anxious to have things ready for you, slightly worried you'll decide, "well, today seems like a good day…" and i won't even have a carseat to put you in. your nana assures me though that if you surprise us, she can get everything you and i need in one trip…and i believe her because she knows what she is doing.

your hiccups are much more frequent. your dad can even feel them sometimes and you usually get them 5-6 times a day now! i sometimes have to push you around to get a little more breathing room or keep you out of my ribs. you usually cooperate though since you still have a little wiggle room in there. we'll see what it's like in another couple weeks though!

our first baby shower is being planned and i'm really excited. there are already so many people who love you and can't wait to meet you.

i'm still dreaming of what our days together will look like; dreaming of what it will be like to actually be a mother. i picture mornings in the bathroom doing our hair together. or finishing up supper in the kitchen while you set the table and we talk about the day. obviously these things are down the road a bit, but i also picture laying you down on a blanket and talking to you while you coo and learn to giggle. i picture our late night snuggles, though half asleep, whispering my love to you in the wee hours. i picture your dad, being so proud to tote you around and show you off.

oh sweet little girl, i'm looking forward to the next 9 weeks and beyond!

love, mom

blogWORLD: i got tagged

2012-01-25T10:40:00.008-05:00

Fun fact: I had a nice long blog post written up and it didn't save/didn't publish it when I tried to publish it. Here is the condensed version.

For those of you that don't know, the blog world is vast...I mean, we're talking IMMENSE. The fact that there is even the word "blogosphere" in our lexicon should prove this fact. I like to read blogs of people I know, and occasionally creep on others of people I don't know. One of my favorite things is knowing who reads this here blog. Which means, if you are a frequent/semi-frequent reader you should go over to the right hand side and become a "follower". This will 1) let me know who is actually reading this 2) make it easier for you to know when I update and 3) not sign you in as "anonymous" when you leave comments [Mom and Dad!]. So you should do that for me, please...even if I don't know you!

So that being said, one thing that occasionally happens in the blog world is being "tagged" by other bloggers. For those of you not hip with social media lingo, this is a fancy form of the 'ole chain letters essentially. Well my friend from the Louisville area, Hannah @ cheery bees, "tagged" me on her blog in this little game. I miss her, and my husband misses her 'let's-hang-out-whilst-doing-something-active' husband. And now you guys get to learn some stuff about me...which may or may not be loads of fun. We'll see.

Apparently, before I'm allowed to begin, I'm supposed to share the rules:

1) I have to post these rules
2) I must post 11 things about myself on my blog
3) I have to answer the questions the tagger [i.e. Hannah] set for me in her post, and then create 11 new questions for the people I tag to answer
4) I have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post
5) Then I have to go to their page and tell them I linked them [I started to do this and then stopped. We'll see if the ones I tagged actually look at my blog].

whew! AND remember, I've already done ALL of this once. My answers may not be as good this time around. But without further adieu:

1. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
[I knew I liked Hannah: Starting it off right with a food question] PASTA PASTA PASTA! Any shape, any sauce...plop that on my plate or in my bowl, heck, even directly into my mouth, and I'm a happy girl

2. If you had to choose between never brushing your hair again or never washing your face again, which would you choose?
[My college roommates are not allowed to comment on this one] I would choose never brushing my hair again. My hair is naturally curly, which means that it tends to POOF quite easily when it comes in contact with a brush. Don't believe me? Ask to see pictures from my childhood when my mom was in charge of the hair brush. I actually don't even own one now. Just a hair pick. And only that when it's wet. So if you're coming over to visit, make sure you pack your brush because I won't be able to help you!

3. If you had to live in one place for the rest of your life, where would it be?
I'm going to cheat and be vague and say anywhere that allows me to invest in the community around me and a community that invests in me and my family. [Which means I am quite content right where I am]

4. If you had the choice, and had to live in a different time period/era, which time period/era would you choose?
This is another great question but it makes me laugh because I sort of grew up in a different time period because of my dad. See HERE and HERE if you don't know what I'm talking about. That being said, I wouldn't choose the 1700s/revolutionary war time period. I would either choose the Victorian era, in which ladies dressed oh-so-smashingly in beautiful dresses and hats and poetry was booming, OR the late 1800s/early 1900s. I think there were a lot of exciting things happening at that time and I think it would be fantastic to teach in a one room school house [or at least give it a whirl!]

5. What do you wish you could have the will power to do that you just can't bring yourself to do now?
Wake up in the morning. Preferably early. And I'm not asking for anything crazy like 5. Just 6:30. To be able to get my dead and lethargic butt out of bed and not be miserable about it would be wonderful. And yes, I do realize this will have to change in roughly 2 months.

6. What super power would you like to have?
Quite honestly, I think waking up in the morning is a super power, but since I already used that one I will say fly. Which is cliche, but it would be pretty awesome. OR the super power of being able to merely TOUCH my students' assignments and automatically know what grade to write on the top. OR better yet, I'll take both because with the latter I would have much more available flying time.

7. Say you lost your hands and the only thing that could replace them were paws or hooves, which would you choose?
Hannah, do you teach 8th graders or something? I'm going to have to say hooves because I've always loved the way they sound on hard surfaces. So I'd have to rip up all my carpet...but definitely hooves.

8. You could only receive text messages or letters/cards (you know, the kind that come in the mail that the mail man brings to your house) for the

rest of your life, which would you choose?

This one is easy for me: LETTERS. Hands down. LETTERS. As a lover of words, you just don't get the beauty of the written language in a text message. They are convenient, yes, but I would much rather open up a real letter [I'd even take a post card!]. Brent and I, though we emailed one another daily while in college, still wrote letters to one another. And I'm so glad we did. And here is a weird little fact: Literally while I was typing this a new email popped up from my friend. He had sent me a link to here: http://boingboing.net/2012/01/24/mary-robinette-kowal-challenge.html and said, "Saw this and though of you…" It is about taking a challenge for the month of February to MAIL something everyday. :-) Clearly, I'm a letter person. And it takes a dern long time to text when you feel the need to insert commas and apostrophes correctly :)

9. If you could only wear one thing/outfit every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?

THis one is tough. My first thought would be: sweats and tshirt. But this wouldn't allow for my vast array of shoes. SO on second thought: jeans and a black tshirt. I could dress up with proper bling and shoes, or dress down. Perfect.

10. Guilty pleasure?

You would ask me this while I'm pregnant [although, if I'm being honest, the answer wouldn't change]. Option 1: DOUBLE Stuf Oreos with WHOLE milk OR Option 2: [I've been doing this one since high school] melt together cheddar cheese and some sour cream in a bowl. Sometimes I dip chips in it, and sometimes…well…just pass me a spoon, please. :)

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Since I was about three I always said a teacher and a mom [and a grocery store worker, but we'll pretend I didn't say that]. Living the dream.

And this is where I make up 11 questions and tag some other people. Here we go.

1. If you could learn to do anything, what would you learn and why?

2. If you could paint a picture of a landscape/something from your memory perfectly, what would you choose and why?

And here I must interject: I am a teacher and therefore I am used to adding "and why" to the end of questions so my students learn to justify their answers. From here on, just assume the "and why" is added to the end of the question. :)

3. What is one career/occupation that you would NOT want to do/ or would not be suited for you?

4. What is something you keep extras of on hand at nearly all times in your home?

5. If you could BE a fictional character and live their story, who would it be?

6. What is the story that your family always tells about you?

7. If you were a flavor of ice cream, what flavor would you be?

8. What is your morning routine?

9. What were you doing the last time you had a really good laugh?

10. If you could make all of one kind of thing go away, what would it be?

11. What is one thing you think all High School students should be taught before they graduate? [This does not have to be related to a "core" subject]

And now for the tagging portion of this game. Please do not feel obligated to participate, I just thought it may be fun. OR shorten it down and only answer the 11 things but don't tag others [it will take less time]. If you are not "tagged" below but still want to be linked here, please just leave me a comment and I will add you to the list.

1. sis-in-law Beth @ BChambers Photography OR Tangled Up in Blue

2. my sis, Kali @ Diary of an Oreo Lover

3. Meagan @ MWPhoto

4. Jenny @ The Life I Have Been Given

5. Micah @ midwest girl in the south

6. Carrie @ with all that i've been given

7. Jared & Renae @ J & R's Journey

8. Barb @ Life As We Know It

9. Amanda @ Teasingly Diverse

10. Lauri @ The Causey Adventure Series

11. Trish @ Grand Central Sandbulte [I'm gonna get you bloggin' again, lady! :)]

Like I said, if you aren't linked and want to participate, just leave me a comment. :) Happy linking!

baby bump: week 30

2012-01-25T09:56:00.007-05:00

dear baby,

ten more weeks! where has the time gone?! just yesterday, it seems, i was walking around carrying this secret little peanut inside of me. we had another good doctor's appointment this week. i got to hear your heart beat again and, as always, it sounds like the color of beauty to me. my doctor also told me i've gained about 23 pounds since you came along last july. you're about 3 pounds now so... don't do that math :)

and the big news this week is that we got your crib set up! grandma ann and grandpa aj worked so hard and lovingly to revamp my old crib, and it looks like new. i hope you sleep better than i did in that thing when i was a wee one. grandma ann made some really beautiful bedding, and we all think you'll look like a dream laying in there.

your hiccups are more frequent now, and this has given me the hint that your head is in my lower left section. this means that your feet have been the culprits of the jabs in my rib cage on my upper right. you're so big! just last night your dad and i were discussing this... and then we both realized that you are most likely going to DOUBLE in size over the next two months. but i've always been a fan of things when they're doubled: like double-stuffed oreos, double bacon cheeseburgers, double cheese on pizza... :) so i think i will like you just fine doubled up too!

i wonder if you get sick of hearing me talk ALLdayLONG, because i know my students are tired of my voice after an hour. i also wonder if you're really comfortable in there, or if you are starting to feel smooshed. i wonder about a lot of things these days. i feel like 10 weeks is a good amount of time for me to process things before you make your big debut. however, i know it will go quickly. but i'm okay with that too because i'm ready to meet your little self.

love, mom

our Story: Part XII

2012-01-22T15:17:00.006-05:00

For those of you still hanging with me on this, may the good Lord bless you. Seriously, I started this two years ago. I don't want to just whip out an entry, so it's taking me a little time. I think that, including this one, there will be three more entries. The end is in sight!

If you've missed any of the previous installments, forgotten what's happening because it's been so long ago that you read one, or you're just joining in click HERE to read from the beginning.

PART XII:

Distance

I carry the eight hours from Orange City to Joplin with me everywhere I go. In the cafeteria as I meet new faces it weighs heavy on my shoulders. As I travel from class to class, I wish I could remove it from my backpack as easily as a book. Not only am I trying to figure out this new college thing, but I'm trying to figure out how to be me, be involved, be HERE, without Brent. I try by reminding myself that I am only 18 years old. I have so much life before me. I try to remind myself that I'm no good to him if I don't know who I am first.

But the ache and the distance seems insurmountable. Four more years of this? Are we kidding ourselves to think that we are capable.

I grab my friend's cell phone, since she has free nights starting at seven instead of nine, and dial Ozark's number from memory. "You have reached the residence directory of Ozark Christian College," the recorded, yet chipper voice informs me. "If you know the four digit num…." I hit the keys quickly and Brent picks up on the first ring.

"Hey there beautiful, I've been waiting by the phone." Since he doesn't have a cell phone, we pre-plan all of our phone calls so I don't call an empty room. "How are you doing today?"

I burst into tears. It hasn't been a good day and the sound of his voice is simply too much. I suck back tears and snot, and though he isn't looking at me I'm sure he can tell it's not a pretty sight. "It's been…tough…Brent…I miss you…."

And so our conversation goes. I suggest, again, the possibility of transferring to Ozark, and getting a joint teaching degree through the other local college. He assures me we just need to give it some more time.

Time. I hate time right now.

* * *

As I make my bottom bunk for my sophomore year, I think back to 12 months earlier. Saying goodbye this time was certainly no easier, but understanding the cyclical nature of my grieving helps. I know I will feel the ache physically for nearly two weeks, craving to be back with him. The next weeks I will begin to feel like I can handle it, for however long the Lord calls us to do this; I can handle the distance because Brent is worth it. Then the next week or two will bring with them more discomfort and anxiousness as I count down to the next time we'll see one another. Understanding this helps a little, but knowing I am in the beginning stages of this cycle leave me feeling sorry for myself.

I crawl into my yellow sheets and pull the lime green comforter around my shoulders. I now carry with me his "I love you" that he finally relinquished to me last fall. He had been at my school visiting and after a movie we sat laughing and talking and then he got quiet. I, like all teenage girls, instinctively asked what he was thinking. Almost before I was ready for it he said, "Oh, thinking about a lot of stuff. Like how ridiculous that movie was, how much I like laughing with you… and how I love you."

I've returned his sentiments many times over now, never doubting his sincerity in response. But now I think of beginning another year of this-- of this constant departure, of this constant aching, of this constant pull of wanting to be somewhere else yet knowing I'm where I'm supposed to be-- and the tears spill from behind my eye lids as I try to fall asleep before another new year of classes begins.

* * *

As I make my way back from class, trudging through the freshly fallen snow, my mind wanders to another campus hours away. What would it be like to walk across campus with him? To share the same groups of friends with him? To talk about professors we both have? I plop my bag on the loveseat in the corner of my little dorm room and flip on my computer.

New email from m0nkey21. The sensation I feel is still the same as when I first started getting these emails 4 years before. I click open the new message and can't help but smile. This message is written in a poem format:

you make me smile every day
for your heart i'll aways pray

your more beautiful than i could dream

your so hot that you almost steam.

i like writing you these dudes
escpecially when im in a "i love kelsey" mood...'s
your probably like awww, my boyfriends the best
and im like yeah, i aced this test.

i better keep rolling, man this is good
i wonder what i would be like living in the hood
i need to do laundry i have few cloths left
if i go any longer ill probably commit theft

your so nice your cute when your upset
i've never disliked you since we've met
you even like me when i cant read
or spell or mess up a deed

...
ok i love you so much, and i hope you like the
poem, you have to cuz your my girlfriend. ok i love you ill talk to you
later. by smoochums :)

Brent

Sigh. Yes, I can do this. I can wait for man who makes me laugh, and giggle, and feel cherished. Yes, the ache due to distance is worth this.

* * *

I scribble in my notebook as Prof Carl informs our class on the importance of having a clear vision of what you want to accomplish with each lesson. I look around at the faces of other students in my "Teaching Literature to Adolescents" class. Do they realize that most of us only have 3 semesters of college left after this? Do they even realize that I refer to this as "the downhill"? We get our journal assignment for next Thursday and bundle up before barreling across campus again.

While my nose suffers from the frigid air, my mind wanders to the letters I have been saving and accumulating since my sophomore year of high school five years ago. I still allow myself the giddy excitement of scrawling "to my future husband" across the tops of letters before stuffing them into the box.

When I get back to my room, I slowly remove the layers of clothing and the stress of the morning. I don't have a roommate this semester, as I'm a resident assistant, so I breathe in the quietness of my little corner of the world. I curl up on the love seat and grab the nearest notebook:

"My love, I am currently working on a unit of lessons for my someday students: a descriptive essay describing one of their favorite places. So I wanted to share a few of mine-- at my old house there were two spots outside that I loved, and both involved lilac bushes. One was by itself at the edge of our front yard. It was almost hollow in the center and so I would crawl through the branches and sit in there and read. I eventually found an old seat cushion…"

I continued to let my hand dance across the page. Though Brent and I had discussed marriage, I still tried to keep my mind open to the possibility that I was writing someone else.

"… An old wicker basket worked as a makeshift mailbox, hanging from the handle of the propane take. Eventually I found a broken road reflector and used it as a welcome sign. Many hours were spent in this 'house', the smell of lilacs constantly wafting over my body and bursting through my senses. Over the years I outgrew the small space, but it will always remain tucked away in my memory. Maybe someday I could take you there…"

How many more of these letters will I write before I know exactly, without a doubt who I am writing to, I wonder as stretch my fingers.

"… Right now in my life, God is challenging me to be fully faithful and fully present in all that I do. Like Job, God is showing me to put my hand over my mouth and be still before the Creator of everything. I love you, and I can't wait for the day I get to give you this, and every other, letter."

I sign my name in the orange pen and carefully crease the paper, folding it into a neat square. I lay it in the box and look down at my left hand. It's been nearly three years since Brent and I started dating. Three years of conversations and dates and laughter and tears. Three years of growing with one another, enduring the distance for one another, and learning about and how to love one another. Three years worth of knowing that this is the man I want to give these letters to.

But I still look at my left ring finger and wonder when it will no longer be empty.

______________________

The actual box of letters:

a peek into the nursery

2012-01-21T16:53:00.004-05:00

Just a few sneak looks at some of the nursery's progress. And no, there are no hints here regarding her name. :-)

moments in my classroom

2012-01-19T22:23:00.003-05:00

Oh the things that happen behind the closed door of my classroom!

Although that sounds dangerous, I'm only referring to those moments that make me laugh; moments that make me keep coming back for more of this job I adore. Here are a few examples from recent days:

-- I was reviewing with one of my Junior classes about the events at the end of the chapter we had just read in "The Great Gatsby." Here is what unfolded [my comments in bold]:

"Okay so George finds the dog leash and figures out what?"

"His wife is having an affair."

"Right. So he freaks out."

"And what is the deal with the billboard?"

"Ohhh…good question…what is the deal with the billboard? Who can answer that…"

and so our conversation continues until…

"And then he snaps and….???"

silence

"Really? No one? Here's a hint: pow, pow…"

laughter…."He shoots Gatsby!" … laughter

"It's a good thing I'm having a girl because I can't do sound effects at all."

"Try doing a car noise"

[insert my pathetic attempt here]

and so they continue to shout out "noises" that I should try to make just so they can laugh at me. And of course I humor them, because they are awesome.

-- We were playing a review game today in which the students have to pass back a challenge full of questions. Each student can only answer the one question that lands on them. When it gets to the back of the row the student has to run the paper forward for me to check before they can move on to the next challenge and the team that finishes all the challenges correctly first wins. Well, they always like this game but today…holy smokes… I thought I was going to have to strap them down they were so amped up/competitive while playing it. At one point I literally almost got tackled when the two guys in the back RAN their papers up to me to check and it was neck and neck. Of course I make lame comments the whole time just to make them laugh like, "Alright folks, we're getting down to the brass tacks now…stay focused." Things that don't even make sense really. I just love these times, although they are exhausting and take a lot from me, when I get to see my students laugh while still being engaged in what we're doing. We all have fun.

-- I got a new student in one of my classes recently. He came in on a day that the other students were finishing a test, so I had him reading a book. Once everyone was settled in and working I went over to his desk to talk to him a bit and introduce myself. At the end of our conversation I said, "Oh, and I'm not just fat, I'm pregnant." Of course the other 20 students heard this because they were quietly working and they all let out a laugh and rolled their eyes at me.

-- By the way, I'm typing this while Brent is watching the Heat vs Lakers game. There was just a little interview with Kobe Bryant and he said "af-leticism". Really? Why is that okay?

-- Last week during one of my junior classes I had finished up the lesson, and my students were in groups working on some questions about the theme of the book. It was a fairly difficult assignment but they were all diligently working and so I returned to my desk and was able to begin grading a few other assignments. This rarely happens as I'm usually very busy while I have a class…and all of a sudden I got really sentimental. I looked up and said, "Okay you guys, I'm sorry to interrupt because you are all working so well, but I was just sitting here thinking about how awesome you guys are so I thought I should tell you. I mean really…I'm so lucky to have gotten to spend two years in a row with you all…I'm going to miss this class when you leave next year… thanks for being awesome…for real…" and I proceeded to just kind of ramble these things at them. The guys were just staring at me like, "What the heck is wrong with this crazy woman?!" But some of the girls said, "Aww, we're gonna miss you too." And the rest of them just laughed because, since they've been in my class two years, they have come to expect this random-ness from me.

-- Last story for now: I was going over the Writers Notebook Invitation with one of my classes and giving them suggestions for some things they could write about and apparently, [they claimed this pretty adamantly], I said "have roden" [combining 'have ridden' and 'rode']. I was like, "What? You're all hearing things." They assured me I had, so of course then I had to respond with, "Whatever, I'm pregnant."

We do get a lot done in my class, but we sure have fun doing it. I love my job.

baby bump: 29 weeks

2012-01-18T20:27:00.008-05:00

week 18 bump

week 29 bump

hello, belly!

week 18 bump

dear baby,

boy have we come a long way together! just look at how you've made me grow and stretch…which means you are turning into quite the little human. you love to roll around; actually, i think you roll more than you kick. i'm starting to feel you on both sides of my belly, and in those moments i am just amazed at how big you are! i don't even know what i'll think when you're born and i get to hold POUNDS of you in my arms.

this sunday during the opening prayer at church i felt what i know for sure were your little hiccups. i couldn't help but smiling right there in the pew, as it just made you even more real to me.

i'm starting to have a few more "discomforts" that just come with the territory of being pregnant, but i still love it. i mean that, baby girl, i LOVE carrying you around with me. even if it means a slight waddle. even if it means i lost my very flat abs. even if it means spending much of my day in the bathroom. i LOVE it. all of it. because it means YOU.

i'm very ready to meet you, but i think i'll miss having you so close to me all the time.

love, mom

ithoughts

2012-01-16T23:34:00.002-05:00

This blog may come as a shock to some.

I don't have an iphone. Or an ipad.

We do have an ipod, but only because our nephew didn't need it anymore and Brent wanted it for running. I have yet to add songs to it or really figure it out. I did play that little 'move-the-wooden-blocks' game on it though, so that has to count for something?! And Brent did buy me an itunes gift card for Christmas, so I'll figure it out soon enough.

We also have a macbook. And I LOVE my macbook.

However, I am so torn with the iphone revolution that is happening/ has happened. Yes, I think it has happened.

Here are my thoughts:

I'm sure the phones are great. I'm sure it is UH-mazing to be able to get on the web, to take great pictures from a phone wherever you go. I'm sure it is nice to have constant GPS. I even think that it is probably fairly fantastic to carry your music with you too.

However, I do not like what iphones have done to our society. I know that some of the things have been good. Some people can "face-time" their friends and family that live hundreds of miles, states, or countries away. That is a beautiful thing that technology has done for us. But, and I think this is a pretty big but, I think they have destroyed personal communication, intentionality with one another, and how we interact in society around us.

Come on, admit it, even if you ARE an iphone advocate there has probably been a time that you have been out in public and thought, if even for a fleeting moment, "What ever happened to people looking at each other as they walked by? What ever happened to actually talking to the cashier who is checking you out instead of messing with your iphone? What ever happened driving like a normal person because you aren't on your phone all the time?!"

I see my students, so much a part of this iphone generation, and most do not know how to just sit, to just be, to just remain with their thoughts. They are so plugged in all of the time, so "connected", that they have essentially become disconnected to the things around them.

I noticed this in college. Between my freshman year to my senior year texting became an actual thing people did. ipods became a necessity. And the iphone was invented. And you may think I'm being a bit dramatic…but I experienced a shift in how people on campus interacted with one another [facebook was also invented during this time, but I'll save that rant for another post entirely :)]. My freshman year when walking to class I could, at any moment, be stopped on the sidewalk and spoken to. Actually engaged in conversation. People looked each other in the eye. When we sat down in class, we talked to the person sitting next to us because most of us had left our cell phone in our dorm rooms. We didn't need it at all times, and some people didn't even have a cell phone. When we would go to the cafeteria to eat together, we did just that-- we ate TOGETHER. We didn't just eat near one another, plugging away at our phones. By my senior year much of this had changed. Walking to class was a solitary event because everyone was plugged in in one way or another. When you got to class you didn't strike up conversation with the strange person next you, instead you whipped out your phone to avoid eye contact.

I don't know. I think it is silly to try to stand against the tidal wave of technology. I really do. But there is a part of me that hates the iphone. I hate what it has done to society. I hate that I've had many moments with friends in which I am sitting staring at the wall while they are on their iphone. I hate that it has connected us to the internet at all times, everywhere we go. I hate that it has brought us further and further away from nature. I hate that it has brought us further and further away from each other.

But… I kind of want one. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'll become "that iphone person." I'm scared I'll become a part of everything I've been so adamantly against.

What are you thoughts about iphones? Do you have one? If not, why not? If you do, how do you "make peace" with what it has done to our society? How do you NOT become "that iphone person"?

baby bump: 28 weeks

2012-01-13T17:31:00.004-05:00

dear baby,

i think that your mama looks extremely tired in the above picture. that's because it is a lot of work for my body to make you, but i also am daily amazed at the process God has chosen for you and me to go through together. besides looking tired though, i love the picture. i received a sweet card from a previous coworker that had a drawing of a pregnant woman with the saying, "she had never considered herself exactly perfect until right now." and in so many ways, sweet daughter, that is exactly how i feel when i look at these pictures. someday you will understand. [and besides, i think the black is very slimming for you and me].

your dad has rolled over several times in the morning and, without waking me because he knows better than that silliness [you'll learn], has placed his hand on my belly. you always-always-respond with a kick or punch or squirm, as if you know he's checking on you. man you're a smart cookie.

speaking of cookies…we passed our glucose test! i was a little worried because i had to go back for the second round, but we're fine. to celebrate the good results we had some oreo cookies, your favorite!

one final thing you should know this week: your great grandma ann and i went to the fabric store and picked out everything we/she needs to make your bedding and curtains. you're gonna be stylin', girl! your great grandma is one talented woman.

stay perky in there, little one. i love you.

love, mom

"Stats" post #2

2012-01-12T10:41:00.003-05:00

I thought it was high time I write another little update on my pregnancy via a stats post. [Also, any linguists out there who know where the phrase "high time" originated? For some reason that just struck me as interesting and I would like to know...] Okay...stats....

Click HERE for the first one I wrote back in October to see how things have changed.

cravings: again, I haven't been craving too much or anything out of the ordinary. Sometimes my eye is bigger than my stomach [but don't we all have this problem]. I have noticed that I have to eat my meals a bit slower than normal, because otherwise I get heartburn more easily or I have that uncomfortable "stuffed" feeling much easier than normal. I have noticed I get hungry before lunch and before supper, but a little snack usually helps :)

weight gain: Don't expect me to tell you about this after this is all said and done. I've actually gained more weight than I wanted to at this point, but to be honest, I haven't done anything that would make me NOT gain weight. At my last appointment I was just under having gained 20 pounds. My doctor said that is still really good and puts me on track for gaining around 30-35 total. I wanted to gain about 25-30 total, but ya live ya learn! Speaking of weight, I'm starting to think about an ideal weight I would like my daughter to be when she is born. I've decided about 6 lbs 5 ounces would be healthy yet little :-). And I have control over that, right?

comments: My students provide excellent stuff for this section. Just yesterday this was a conversation in one of my classes when I walked in by three different MALE students, who were clearly sucking up: "Mrs. I, you look dashing today." [Yes, he really said "dashing"]. Student 2 chimed in, "Yeah...I mean, I can't even tell you're pregnant." Student three, "WHAT?! You're pregnant. Noooo way." I rolled my eyes and we all laughed. Other than that, some people are saying, "You finally look pregnant!" [Others have informed me I look larger in person than I do in the pictures I post on here]. Yet some, I don't know if they're just being kind, tell me I still look small for 29 weeks.

fears: I guess I haven't written anything about this yet: I failed my first glucose screening [where they test for blood sugar to determine gestational diabetes]. This meant I had to return for a second, more intensive test. My doctor informed me that only 15% of women that come back for the second test actually have it. However, I had to fast for 8 hours, drink MORE of the wonderful, sugary drink [which does NOT sit well on an empty stomach if you're wondering] and then have my blood taken every hour. I was stuck a total of 4 times, 5 if you count the finger prick. I am still waiting on the results, and should know Thursday sometime. I really do not want to have gestational diabetes...obviously... but I have come to the realization that if I do then I need to know so I can do what is best for baby and me. It is something that goes away when the pregnancy is over also, and I know I can do anything for 2 1/2 months. So, right now that is the biggest thing I am concerned about. I also have been thinking worst-case-scenario about things with Brent. Let me explain: He played in an alumni tournament last weekend and I was concerned that he would have a major injury that caused him permanent amnesia and he wouldn't know who I was and therefore wouldn't know he was about to be a father. I also make up wild scenarios about car wrecks etc. Irrational scenarios really. But mainly the diabetes thing.

general mood: I feel pretty great. I, so far, have loved being pregnant. I love carrying around my little babe everywhere I go. I love the excitement others share with me. I love letting this experience show me how big our God really is. So...yeah...overall...pretty great. Unless I'm tired...then I get a bit crab-tastic.

things i have been surprised by: I am still surprised by how interested my students have been. I've also been surprised that I haven't gotten stretch marks. I've been surprised that I haven't craved anything. I also am surprised that I haven't freaked out about not having the nursery completely ready yet...as in not really ready at all. But I know it will all get done. I haven't been surprised by the support everyone has shown me though. We are truly surrounded by wonderful people.

things i'm most looking forward to: I don't really think this has changed since my first post in October, but the longings have become even more intense to fall in love and get to know this little girl. I am really looking forward to seeing what she looks like and getting to know her personality. And I am REALLY looking forward to watching Brent get to know her too.

what i think is really cool and crazy: Her kicks are incredible. I had thought about what they would feel like at this point, but it is really incredible to know that that is MY daughter moving around in there. I also think that how my body is changing is cool...and crazy. That women are capable of doing this incredible thing is AMAZING.

things i'm doing to prepare right now: I finished our registry at Target and Amazon.com. Kali helped me a lot with that over Christmas. I also was finally able to go pick out fabric for the bedding and curtains that my very talented Grandma is going to make. I'm starting to call pediatricians and Brent and I are signing up for birthing classes. I'm talking to other moms about what they did to prepare for actual delivery. I am continue to journal and write through the process. And continuing to pray for our daughter.

There you have it...an update! 11 weeks left. Crazy.

check it

2012-01-11T09:46:00.001-05:00

For some reason my Year in Review post posted AFTER my week 27 baby bump. So scroll down and enjoy.

Oh, and did you notice on the fruit ticker I am now carrying a little squash?! Crazy. [Week 28 is coming soon...I promise].

baby bump: 27 weeks

2012-01-09T22:54:00.005-05:00

[Last week's bump]

dear baby,

hey sister! i think you're liking it in there because you are making yourself quite comfortable. i am starting to be able to feel what i think are certain parts of you, which is really neat.

we celebrated new years this week in style…okay, not really--mama was wearing sweats and lounged on the couch all night, but we were with some really great people. you also got to meet your dad's whole side of the family and they are already pretty nuts about you. you even kicked around so most of them had a chance to meet you.

your aunt kali helped me finish up your baby registry. she is already a great mom and knows just what you and i will need…but don't worry, i put some fun stuff on there too for you to play with. i'm hoping to really get started on your room soon, but like i said, i'm hoping you're pretty content in there for a couple more months!

i still can't help dreaming of what our days will be like together in less than 13 weeks. will you be a snuggler? a cryer? a feisty one? an explosive pooper? :) only time will tell. you're still making your mama tired, but it is worth it all to know you're growing and developing.

love, mom

okay fine...2011: A Review

2012-01-06T13:48:00.019-05:00

I was informed by my husband [who shall remain nameless] that my annual "year in review" was sorely missed. I may be doing this just for him, but since he does so much for me I figure it's only fair. However, if you were one of the few who reads this blog AND missed my review as well [which is narrowing the playing field considerably, I understand], then this is for you too: Enjoy! [And if you want to peek back, here is 2010 and 2009].

January: This was an interesting time for us. You see, we got a dog. Her name was Margo. She was a super cute boxer. I realized after 3 days that I am still deathly afraid of dogs. Good bye, Margo. We still think this was a good decision. It was also a crazy time for me as I was coaching girls basketball. CRAZY. I was incredibly busy and though we were winning games I was E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D. Kali also came to visit us with sweet Caroline and we learned that another little peanut was in the making. Oh happy day.

February: This month came in like a lion. Holy smokes. We had a big, old fashioned blizzard. It was fantastic. I think snow is beautiful, and it gave me a week home from school to finish our countertops that Brent had started. This was a big project for us, but we were so happy with the results.

Also, I got a new sink in this process...thank you Beck and Brent. It has changed my life. [Okay, that may be a bit drastic but...yes, it has changed my life. Love it. every day I use it. I love it.] However, a part popped off one day after it was installed. I was home [due to blizzard] and we had a minor flood, a major breakdown, and a dead cellphone. Oh my. It was an interesting 15 minutes of my life. Other than that...basketball continued [one week I had FIVE games in a row!!!]. By the end of this month I had worn myself out and got sick. Bummer.

March: I finally got back into writing "Our Story" a bit more [which I still am kicking myself to finish...it will get done...I think I can, I think I can...]. I had a moment where I thought I was pregnant and freaked out thinking I would have a December baby [why? my rationale breaks down so I'll spare you the details]. I bought my new DYSON VACUUM. And if I thought my sink had changed my life...well...as Atticus Finch would say, "I had another think coming." You know when a home appliance [is that what a vacuum is considered?] makes your "Year in Review" that it has significantly impacted you in someway. I got to teach my students poetry this month...which I ADORE, and we had a lot of fun. Also...my basketball girls won DISTRICT CHAMPS for the first time since 1986. Wowsa! It was a fun fun time.

April: Brent and I took a little trip to Wisconsin to visit my college roomie, Renae, her husband, Jared, and their little pumpkin of a child, Jaden. We loved it and, as always when spending quality time with good friends, wished they lived next door...or in our spare bedroom. Brent also ran his first HALF MARATHON [13.1 miles, folks!]. This was a huge accomplishment and I was so proud of him.

It definitely put a bug in him to keep running... I must have had a vaccine against that bug when I was little. I dreamed up "teaching grammar with chalk" and again had fun with my students. [Oh and I turned 25 and Brent threw a little "surprise" taco dinner at our place. He's a good one that guy...I should have his children...oh....wait...stick around...]

May: Paige Elizabeth graduated [if you don't know who this is it is difficult to try to describe but basically: my mom babysat Paige and her sister, Torri, since they were 6 weeks until they went to school. We became, essentially, family...]. Kali and crew came back for the graduation!!
Caroline even got to reconnect with her buddy, Scout [my parent's dog]. Little did she know this would be the last time she would see Scout, as Scout had a tendency...scratch that...as Scout ran away every chance possible. She always came back, was brought back, ended up at my house, or my parent's tracked her down, but needless to say "animal loving" is not exactly our family's forte [did you read about January?!], and they thought someone else may...umm, appreciate...Scout more. So Scout went away. I also hosted a big "mother's day extravaganza!" at my house and had my parents, Brent's parents, and all our grandparents over. It was quite fun. I finished my 3rd year of teaching, and still found that I love what I do. Unfortunately at the end of this month the devastating F5 tornado hit Joplin, MO. Brent lived there for four years while in college, so knows a ton of people and places there [including his sister, bro in law, and Henry!]. It was a sobering time.

June: I began relishing in summer vacation and raided our closets [I LOVE doing this!], and I read books, and we took our summer vacation to Nashville/Louisville/Florence Ya'll. We got to visit many wonderful and beloved and deeply missed people.

July: I continued to plug away at "Our Story"...oh wait...that is still happening. I hit 400 posts on this here blog. Oh and I found out I was PREGNANT!! Hooray. Unlike the March scare, this one was prayed for, and Brent and I shared our little secret only with one another for awhile. At the end of this month I got to go on an Alaskan cruise! Something that would have never happened without my dear friend, Micah. We soaked in the sun...oh...I mean, we bundled up and looked at Glaciers, went Kayaking, and ate like queens.

And I slept and slept and slept because I was creating a baby in my womb. [And yes, Micah had suspicions and I lied].
August: I began my fourth year of teaching...man, I'm getting old! I was excited because I had half of my crew from the year before, and I loved them! I jumped right in with Softball again and the heat proved to be a bit much and suspicion number two came from Coach B. But shhh...we still weren't telling. Brent and I also got to welcome our 2nd niece on my side, Elizabeth "Ellie" Kate! Precious.

September: Brent and I made a very quick trip to Nashville over Labor Day to meet, squeeze, and love on Ellie. We broke the news for the first time to Kali and Dan, as we wanted to tell them in person. Squeals and excitement. I continued with teaching Softball, Brent continued at the bank. We went to games and enjoyed the last beautiful summer/fall days. We told our parents and family we were going to have a baby...more squeals and excitement. And then after hearing the heartbeat we let the whole world know.

October: I began writing letters to my sweet baby. We carved pumpkins with Avree and Rylee [Riley? Oh no... drawing a blank! Yikes].

Brent ran ANOTHER HALF marathon and improved his time even more. This time he decided, "Yep, I'm gonna run a full marathon next." What?!

We celebrated Joan's birthday with family and Henry :). I fell in love...became obsessed...with Olive Garden again. Softball season ended, which is always bitter sweet.

November: Brent turned a whopping 26 years old. Basketball season began WITHOUT me, as I had decided that it wasn't for me after last season. We still went to all the games. We found out the GENDER of our sweet baby GIRL and were super excited. We prayed and decided on the four characteristics we hope she embodies [Joyfulness, Compassion, Hospitality, Modesty]. I got to begin teaching my favorite book, "To Kill a Mockingbird", again. AND over Thanksgiving 2 of our favorite people, our lifers, Meagan and Shane made the long trek to stay with us for a few days. It was a glorious time. We all hoped that time would stand still… but it didn't and they had to leave. We again begged them to move, but they drove away anyway. Bummer.

December: I continued writing letters to our sweet daughter who began to show herself more and more. We finished working on our laundry room [a project that began in the summer].

And then we geared up for lots and lots of family at Christmas time.

Here's to another great year! I have a feeling that this will be a year of many changes for us… and we're ready to see what all it holds!!

Book Review!!

2012-01-05T15:10:00.005-05:00

I wrote this and don't have time to proofread it. Sorry. If there are typos or weird rambling sentences it is because I'm tired…and pregnant [hey, I can only use that excuse for less than 3 months now so I'm still milking it!]

2011 has come and gone. I was going to write a truly spectacular post about all of its intricacies... but decided against it. I mean, really, it was going to wow the socks right off ya! Instead, if you really want to know what I did/wrote/shared/thought in 2011 you have two options: Come over to my house and I'll tell ya over a nice meal, OR move your cursor over to the right hand side of these here blog-o-mine and click on "2011;" my thoughts and pictures and life events are neatly organized there. :-)

So in summary, it is now 2012 and I'm just a-gonna keep on truckin' unless you ask specifically about 2011. As for my "New Years Resolutions": Have a baby. Figure out life with baby.

It has been awhile since I have done a book review and would like to do one now [this paragraph has no transition into a new thought, so hopefully your brain is trackin' and moved from new years to books]. The reason I like to post book reviews is: 1) it is a virtual memory board for me to remember books and keep a list of what I've read and enjoyed/not enjoyed and 2) I always like having a good book recommendation so maybe you do too...if that is the case, consider this post for you.

Without further adieu.

#1: "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Nelle Harper Lee. Again. With my sophomores. Love it every.SINGLE.time. [This book may be a theme on this post...watch out!]

#2: "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald with my juniors. [Fun fact: did you know he was named after a distant cousin, Francis Scott Key, who just so happened to pen our national anthem?] Not a HUGE HUGE fan of this book, but still think it is a classic piece of literature that is worth reading. [Another fun fact: my students were doing an activity with this book where they rotated around the room and had a "book chat" on paper with one another. One student wrote, "Who do you think is going to die?" Another student wrote, "Why do you think someone will die?" Student one wrote back, "Because this is Mrs. I's class...people always die in the books we read in here!" Sigh. Classics are classics because they make us think about reality and relate with the world around us. Sorry, folks.]

#3: "At Home in Mitford" by Jan Karon.

I knew that a friend/ former babysitting employee/ fellow BLOGGER really enjoyed reading the "Mitford Series" by Karon. Since she was an English teaching major in college, and we've had similar tastes on other books, I thought I would give the series a try when I found that my school carried them. I will say that after reading some heavy classic literature, as well as some biographic literature, this lighthearted, fictional story was a joy. Set in picturesque Mitford, this book chronicles the daily happenings of a beloved pastor in the town. Single and fighting diabetes, he takes up running, adopts a stray dog, takes in a nearly orphaned and cantankerous boy, falls in love, and tends to the many people in his congregation. It is an easy read, but also well written, and peppered with scripture and Christian messages. It was a good book to pick up and read before going to bed in the evenings and I plan on reading the next book in the series soon.

#4: "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak.

Let me preface this by saying that some of you who will adore "At Home in Mitford" may not have the same feelings for this book…but I found this book simply A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I had several friends recommend this to me over the past year or so, but always forgot about when looking for a book to read. And then I remembered. And I was so glad I did. I wrote a post inspired by this book already HERE, and that was before I'd really even gotten into it. It's tough to try to even summarize what this book is about, because there is no way I can capture the beauty with which Zusak writes the story, which is the true art of the book. The narrator of the story is Death. Which is interesting, I know, but hang with me. It is set in WWII Germany, and chronicles the story of young Leisel, who has been turned over to a new "Mama" and "Papa." She begins stealing books at crucial junctures in her life, but does not know how to read. Her new and loving papa stays up with her at night and though he only reads at a fourth grade level is able to teach her enough to instill an insatiable desire in her to read more and more. Words become powerful to this young German girl as she sees the war coming closer and closer. There is a lot of action in the story, including a hidden jew, the death of a close friend, and various attempts to steal more books. I DEVOURED this book. It is one of the best books I have read, not just recently, but period. It made me think. It made me question. And it made me appreciate the beauty of the written word again. I could use nearly every sentence as an example of great writing for my students, such as "Outside the world whistled. The rain was stained." Very few books move me to tears, but this one…oh this one… If you like WWII literature and love beautifully written words, read this book. I'll leave it at that. [But seriously… it was awesome.]

#5: "I Am Scout" by Charles J. Shields.

I've been wanting to read this book for awhile now and Brent gave it to me for Christmas. And then I read it over the course of three days. A biography of Harper Lee [the author of TKAM], I found this book fascinating as I uncovered facts about my favorite author. How much of TKAM reflected her own life? How did she go about writing it? How did she feel when it became infamous nearly over night? And why did she never write another novel? All these questions and more were discussed in the pages of this book. For any TKAM fan, this is a must read! [I did warn my kids that I read this and they already are used to me spouting out facts I learned while we finish our unit :)].

#6: "Scout, Atticus & Boo" By Mary McDonagh Murphy

Another book on my Christmas list I received from my parents, this book is truly for the die-hard TKAM fans. It is, in a sense, a "celebration" of the book and movie, and how it has affected our world over the 50 years it has been published. Filled with bits and pieces of interviews from different people, some famous, some connected to Harper Lee or the film, it takes the reader through various reasons why this beloved book has stood the test of time. Some talk about how Atticus inspired them to become lawyers…or better parents. Some reflect on how Scout seemed like their best friend when they read TKAM for the first time. Others discussed the timeless themes of childhood innocence, justice, and racism. The best way to describe this book is by the LA Times quote that is on its back cover: "Reading this book is like attending a big book club meeting with twenty-six lovers of To Kill a Mockingbird." It truly is. If you haven't read the book or seen the movie at least 5 times, do that first before picking up this book though!

Well, those are what I have read in the past 2 months. The next book that is laying on my nightstand is "Half Broke Horses" by Jeannette Walls.

I mentioned "The Glass Castle" in my last post on books I'd read HERE , and this is essentially the "prequel" that memoir as it covers her Grandmother's life. I've read the first chapter, and just like when I read "The Glass Castle", I am immediately being swept away by the ease with which Walls is able to tell her Grandmother's story. I look forward to finishing it soon!

What about you? Read any good books over your Christmas? Any recommendations? Have any of you read any of the books above and had different feelings/reactions towards them? Please share!!

And yes, I know I missed my baby bump letter for week 27. I'll still post it, just late. Don't worry, everything is still going well.

baby bump: 26 weeks

2011-12-28T10:50:00.006-05:00

I'm a day late getting week 26 posted… I'm sure she'll forgive.

dear baby,

christmas time has made me ache to hold you even more. you spent a lot of time around your cousins and other family members this week, and already received some wonderful little presents. you are already loved so deeply by so many. you and i are lucky in this way: we have a wonderful, wonderful family.

your cousin, caroline, already asks about "baby cousin" all the time. she knows you're in my "tummy," yet is still a little confused that she can't see you. she will love you immensely… and probably boss you around a bit since she is a lot like mommy's sister. :)

this entire week i kept daydreaming about what next year will be like with you, nine months old already. i so badly want to be able to picture your sweet face and little features in those daydreams, but i will just have to wait three more months! thinking of your little baby fingers and toes also makes me appreciate even more the gift of the baby jesus that we celebrated this week, and how human he was in that moment he slipped into our skin as an infant.

you kept me awake a bit for the first time this week, also. one night when i crawled into bed you just kept kicking and kicking and kicking. i didn't mind too much since it was the first time :). many still tell me that they think i look "small" for 6 months… but sweetheart, let me tell ya, mama does not feel so small right now!

i hope you enjoyed the sounds of christmas from safe in my womb, and this week you get to experience another first: new years! [though as tired as you've been making me again lately, we'll see how well i can stay up]. love you so much.

love,

mom

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T09:31:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas, from our family to yours!

home improvement update

2011-12-21T17:20:00.011-05:00

I realize it has been quite some time since I have had a home renovation post. This is partly due to the fact that renovation has slowed down considerably for us…thank goodness. You other homeowners know [especially home owners of OLDER homes] there is always something that you would like to do, or that could be done…but for now the big projects have stopped for awhile. One of our last projects I mentioned were our counter tops that we installed last winter. Other updates were mentioned here and here. There have been many other things that I haven't highlighted on here as well.

Our latest endeavor though, which has seemed to take f.o.r.e.v.e.r. has been our mudroom/laundry room whatever you prefer calling it.

Here is a "before" from when we first moved in: June 2010:

Things to notice in the above photo:

- Wall to wall PANELLING. [as if you could miss it]

- Cabinets, doors etc all woodwork…of an ugly variety

Now for the updating process. Last summer we noticed our ceiling in this room was dripping. Yep, awesome. It got worse. And then worse. And then moldy. And then the ceiling fell in. Yep, even more awesome. Our old…old…OLD…AC unit was in our attic and the bottom had rusted out, which caused the condensation to drip straight through our ceiling instead of being redirected. It was a big, smelly mess.

First priority was a new unit. We splurged for a new unit that would add central heating via a heat pump [more energy efficient…thus a tax rebate! Oh yeah!], since we only had base board heating before. We clearly didn't want to put the unit in our attic, so we added it to the empty space in the above photo. Easy access for maintence…new unit…awesome. However, putting this new unit it also required us to need a new electric box/circuit/amp thing. [Clearly I was not the one to put this in]. These two updates were by far the most expensive of anything we've done, but I think/hope/pray they pay off in the long run.

And OH YEAH…we still had a festering hole in our ceiling. We knew we needed to have that re-sheet rocked, so we got a quote on what it would cost to do the whole room…because even though the panelling made me feel oh-so-retro, I wouldn't cry if it had to go :). The cost of having someone else professionally do the sheet rocking was so reasonable we said, "HECK YEAH!" or something like that. And the nasty moldy ceiling, and nasty, ugly panelling came down. HOORAY.

And then it sat like that for awhile. I got pregnant and couldn't paint [beautiful thing], and so my awesome mother-in-law came over and got the ball rolling. She prepped everything, which is a very long process. And then she and Brent used one of their we-work-at-a-bank-and-get-random-holidays-day to bust the rest of it out. They are awesome. We are still going to update the floor, but for now it is SO MUCH BETTER. #1. it no longer smells. I didn't even want to do laundry in there because of it [thanks, mold.] #2. It seems so much bigger and less like the walls are collapsing in on you because of all of the panelling.

Yes it was a lengthy process…but the fruits of our labor have been well worth it so far :). I told Brent we could do a "sports theme" and use some of his KU stuff, which he of course was all for. I'll stop rambling now and let you take a peek [or, if you REALLY want to get the full feel for this room, I'll let you come by and do some laundry! HOORAY!]

So much better. The curtain in the back is currently hiding the AC unit. Beck and Brent will be building that in soon…or at least, sometime.

I have commissioned the world famous and multi-talented Grandpa A.J. to build a bench seat with storage for beneath this window. . I'm in no hurry to get it [don't panic, Grandpa!], but it will look quite nice right there, I do believe. AND it will come in handy once this little daughter of mine needs to sit down and put her shoes on to go outside. For now the ol' army trunk I found at a garage sale will do [it is pretty cool].

Like I said, I brought some of Brent's KU stuff into the room…actually, everything I "decorated" with was stuff I had on hand. Since the renovation of this room was so pricey after the new unit, electrical, and sheet rock, I didn't want to spend anything else! The shelf above was made for me by my Uncle Kirby years and years go, I always have a million frames laying around I've collected over the years, the flowers were something I had picked up at a thrift store in college, and the plaque I found in my stack of high school memorabilia that my sister gave me for Christmas in 2001 [it said it on the back…I don't actually remember that].

I also found some random yet cool vintage photos tucked away in my classroom closet. I swear they had been there for 60 years…that is probably not an exaggeration. They came with an old text book and have writing prompts on the back. I actually use these [there are hundreds of them] for my writers notebook invitations sometimes! I pulled out a few of the cooler sports ones and again found some frames I had on hand.

The picture on the left came from classroom closet. Hilarious. And the two on the right I decided to add of Brent and me. See below:

Look at that cutie-pa-tootie. Number 44, you have no chance. You are about to get schooled by my man. Brent was and is a fierce, I repeat, FIERCE basketball player. Okay…he's a fierce athlete all-around. Dear daughter, please get his skillz.

And to continue with the black and white theme, I found this old newspaper clipping from my glory days. [I will not so humbly have you know that the caption to this picture read, "McQueen struck out 8 of the Lady Wolverines, but Kelsey C** stepped up to drill a 2 run homer off of her in the bottom of the 5th inning." But it really is no wonder…look at those guns! I was pretty stout back in the day. It is funny though that now, as assistant softball coach, I'm analyzing my swing and realizing that I'm dropping my shoulder pretty severely. Hands to the ball, Kels! Come on!!] Oh…yeah…the mudroom…

This door leads out to the garage. I hung up some old practice jerseys of ours.

And found this old gem that I made when I was in high school. I found an old frame, painted it, stapled some chicken wire to the back and viola. It's a great place to hang our car keys too.

ar k One other thing I never took a picture of before was our second bathroom. It is tucked away in our mudroom…which is actually a great place to have it. [It is past the closet to the left in the first picture…the doorway with Brent's pull up bar]. It isn't very large, but it has a great shower, stool, sink, and even has access to the big closet. All one could dream of having in a bathroom, right? Torri actually helped me paint this little sucker last winter.

And there you have it…from start to finish…even though there are still a few more projects to tackle in here, I'm pleased with my nice, clean, mold free mudroom! [I still don't like doing laundry…but that is another post entirely…oh wait: here's that post!]

Hope you enjoyed this peek into our home! And as always, it's always open to friends and family…and the rest of you too :).

baby bump: 25 weeks

2011-12-20T17:40:00.004-05:00

dear baby,

this was another big week for us as we crossed the 100 day threshold! can you believe it? [yeah, me either, kiddo].

so in less than 100 days i get to meet you, hold you, smoosh your cute tooshi…oh, it's gonna happen, look out!

i've thought more and more about what my hopes and dreams are for you. ultimately though i simply hope you know the love of our savior in your daily life, and that you are a kind and compassionate woman, always full of joy. everything else seems like details.

my energy level seems to be decreasing again, but don't feel too bad about that…i rather like having an excuse to crawl into my warm bed early these days. i love to sleep. i am really hoping that this is a trait you inherit from me…early in life. :)

sweet baby of mine, only 15ish more weeks-- i think we can do this! keep growing, daughter. see you soon!

love, mom

a leaking heart

2011-12-18T17:36:00.004-05:00

This week/weekend has proven more eventful than I thought it was going to be. Which is not a bad thing. Not only did I get to hang out and play nertz with two of my favorites, Paige and Torri, but I also got treated to lunch at the Olive Garden yesterday, compliments of my husband's idea and a gift card :). We had an interesting week visiting Torri in the hospital … which was also unexpected… but are so glad she is at home and doing better. [VERY long story short: she got throttled to the ground during a basketball game 2 weeks ago, split her head open…no foul...Yikes. Anyway. She of course, being the tough cookie she is, got the blood taken care of and patched up and returned to the game to score our team's first two points She felt fine in the following few days, even played in a game three nights after the accident, but then noticed a swelling beginning in her neck. It progressively got worse…and worse and worse and worse…which led to checking her in the hospital to make sure it wasn't infected and that she was okay. She is still recovering, but doing awesome…and if anyone from our town sees the girl that caused her to fall so violently, well, let's just say that girl better have some body guards :). Nobody messes with our Torri!] All that to say-- most of my evenings were spent visiting her, and not blogging, which was way better. I love that girl.

Now to what the title of this post references [I had no intention of writing that "introduction" but there it is].

I'm currently reading "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak [and need to do another review post over books I've read recently]. I'm only about a 1/4 of the way into it, but so far it has been fantastic [Thanks for the recommendation, Meagan!]. But I'll save all of that for later.

I was reading the other night and the following words struck me:

"Somewhere, far down, there was an itch in his heart, but he made it a point not to scratch it. He was afraid of what might come leaking out."

To put this in context for those of you that have never read the book, "he" is referring to a man living outside Munich in Nazi Germany. "He" does not agree with Hitler. He is a member of the Nazi party because he must provide for his family. But…"somewhere far down, there was an itch in his heart…"

I just finished reading/teaching the play version of "The Diary of Anne Frank" with my 8th grade class, so part of the reason this struck me is because I had to stop and think, "What if everyone, in particular males who were members of the Nazi party, who had an "itch" in their hearts during this time WOULD have been willing to "scratch it"? What atrocities may have been stopped?"

But then my mind kept on moving, as it often as the tendency to do and I realize I'm not always in complete control over it…

What if WE, in particular men and women who are members of the Kingdom of God, would scratch our hearts where they itch? What if we would scratch that place that tells us it isn't okay to be buying ANOTHER present for a family member when there are kids not only in other countries but in our own communities who need shoes, clothes, and shelter? What if we would scratch that place in our hearts that tells us to give up our vacation time to go serve in Ethiopia, or Poland, or China? What if we would scratch that place that tells us the job we've had for 10plus years, though comfortable to us, may not be where we are supposed to remain if we truly want to use our gifts? What if we would scratch that place that tells us to move from everything we know to follow His call, even if we don't know exactly what all that entails right now?

And maybe the itch isn't even that big. But what if we would scratch that place that tells us to stop and ask that older woman if she would like help carrying her groceries? What if we would scratch that place that tells us to let a dad with two restless kids in his cart ahead of us in line? What if we would scratch that place that tells us to offer a hug, especially when hugs are uncomfortable for us? What if we would scratch that place that tells us to pay for the other person's gas too while filling up at the pump?

What if we would be willing to scratch the itch in our hearts, whatever it may be?

I think, just like the fictional character in the book, we don't scratch because we are afraid of what will come leaking out. We are afraid of what it may REQUIRE of us. We are afraid of being made uncomfortable or being looked at strangely. We are afraid of sacrificing time and money. We are afraid of sacrificing our selfishness.

We are afraid.

I think, especially this Christmas, we need to be more aware of the itches in our hearts.

I think we need to be less afraid of what will come leaking out of them.

I think we'll be surprised when we do.

baby bump: 24 weeks

2011-12-13T17:17:00.005-05:00

dear baby,

this week has flown by, which makes me wonder what the next 3 months will feel like. you are movin' and groovin' like crazy these days, and apparently you're gaining the ability to hiccup, though i haven't felt you master this phenomenon quite yet.

i have been dreaming more of what i hope to do with you in the future--just simple little things like cuddling with you on the couch, taking you for a walk around town, and eventually dancing with you to some loud and silly songs in our living room.

i am learning too that you are going to teach me a lot about control…as in, me having to learn how to give it over to God. i can only imagine that if i'm learning that now, while you're still less than two pounds and in my womb, how much more i'm going to have to learn how to do that when you are crawling…or walking…or driving…or leaving…or…

…but i'm getting ahead of myself. today i will just pray that He give me this day my daily bread…and enough bread for you too.

besides teaching me things, you also are making it increasingly difficult for me to bend over. i realized the other day that balancing on one foot while putting on a sock was nearly impossible, and i'm thankful we moved into a home that already had a handicap handle to hold onto in the shower! but even in spite of my minor discomfort, you are wonderful in every way.

oh, and you only have to come with me to school for one more week and then it is christmas break!! [we like christmas break :)]

love, mom

our Story: Part XI

2011-12-10T12:48:00.003-05:00

To read this story from the beginning, click HERE and scroll to the bottom. Enjoy!

Part XI:

Leaving

The summer rains have washed ruts into the now drying dirt beneath our feet. Graduations have come and gone, hugs have been offered more frequently, and every moment of time we can be together we are. There is one unspoken rule between us now: Don't speak of August 20th.

This rule is fairly easy to abide by for the time being. It is June and the sun is warm, the air is thick, and my tan is excellent. It is a lazy Saturday and I find myself lounging on the couch at Brent's house. His parents will be leaving soon, so we're making plans for the day, as neither his or my parents want us to be alone in their homes.

After deciding on Shrek II, we pull our lazy bones off the sofa and make our way to the car. On the porch he stops me by gently grabbing my elbow. I wheel around to face him. I am no longer afraid to look directly into his brown eyes. He doesn't say anything, but instead he wraps his long arms around my torso. I reciprocate, reaching up to wrap his neck in an embrace.

We stand for a moment, interlocked in the warm shade on the porch. I know what I am feeling now is not just excitement and butterflies and prom jitters and everything else that comes with teenage romance. I know that what I am feeling has been bubbling beneath the surface for years. Three years ago when I saw this boy grab his guitar on that mission trip, I simply wanted to get to know him more, but now that I know is thoughts and passions, his loves and dreams, I know what I am feeling for him is more than wishful teenage hopes.

I don't dare speak my mind though, after all our first kiss hasn't even been shared. Could I really love him already? I open my mouth. Because of our embrace, he can't see me and I shut my lips together once more. We slowly release our grip from one another, and he slides his hand down my arm to my hand. Before I realize what is happening my mouth is open again and almost inaudibly I whisper, "Thank you."

***

Late afternoon is approaching dusk as we pull into his driveway. The movie is long over, and post-movie ice cream cones have long since been devoured through laughter and more easy conversation. His parents still aren't back, and I need to get home, so we linger in the driveway putting off the inevitable, "See ya later."

I kick a piece of gravel with my sandal covered foot as he asks me what my week looks like. "Tomorrow we have a dinner after church, so I probably won't get to see ya then. When do you get off work on Monday?"

"5:30 or 6, I'll have to check."

"I may ask Mom if you can come over for supper then?"

"Sounds good." He smiles at me and then pulls me in for another hug. I lay my head on his shoulder. We hold each other in silence for several moments.

"Okay…I probably need to head out," I say as I reluctantly pull myself away from his arms. Standing face to face, we gingerly hold hands at our sides. I tilt my head sideways, smile, and say, "Okay…I probably need to head out."

"Umm…yeah…okay…" he says distantly, looking at the ground. "But…uhh…hey, what did we ever decide about, you know?…uhh." I have no idea where this is going, and no real clue about what he is talking about. "You know, I mean…what did we ever decide about the whole kissing thing?"

WHAT?! My whole body tenses as I try to keep my face relaxed and calm, lest he know what I am thinking. Am I ready for this? My first real kiss? Have I watched enough Disney movies to know how to lean in properly to get the most magical effect? "I didn't know we were deciding something? I thought…uh…it would just, ya know…whenever it's right."

"Okay." He pulls me back in for another hug.

Seriously? All that and nothing? If this fool doesn't kiss me after…

Brent leans back from our embrace and searches my face. I try to let it say, "KISS ME!" but am afraid it is coming across as, "I have to go to the bathroom." But before I can think about it much longer, his hands wrap around my face, he pulls me closer to him, and gently allows his lips to meet mine. They linger, but just for a moment, before he pulls back. As his hands leave my face, I slowly open my eyes to meet his smile.

Before either of us can say a word, we hear tires crunching gravel and see his parents who, with their impeccable timing, are pulling up the driveway.

"Of course," Brent kids, as we wave and then walk towards my car. Beyond my mortification at having possibly shared my first-kiss-moment with his parents, I'm grateful that it has provided us a transition through the awkward post-first-kiss-moment, when no one is quite sure what to do. Do we talk about the fact that we just kissed? Do we carry on like it never happened? Do we kiss again? Do I just say goodbye now? Instead, for us, we say hello to his parents as they make their way to the house.

He opens my car door and I situate myself in the driver's seat. He shuts the door and leans through the open window. "Let me know about Monday," he says, and quickly moves forward, kisses me once more, then begins walking towards the house.

***

The inevitable is only one moment away at all times. August 20th loomed before us, and was now only one day away. Tonight we would be saying goodbye.

I sort through and label boxes all morning, the knot growing tighter and tighter in my stomach while waiting for Brent to get off work. I eat the sandwich my mom makes me for lunch out of necessity, not because I am hungry.

Before I know it, I am at Brent's. We have three hours before that moment. We want to spend it normally, but this task seems impossible. I help him pack some stuff, as he will be leaving in a week for his own college adventure. We make it through supper with his parents in a haze. And then it is time.

We step out into the humid air that we have grown so familiar with this summer. This summer--and that thought makes my mind reel-- evenings spent by a campfire; a date to the park that turned to a vicious rain storm which forced us into the public restrooms, we laughed and kissed as the power went out and the rain poured down; dinner time conversations surrounded by family and friends; movies together while curled up on the couch, my hand in his; worshipping side by side at church; two additional songs he wrote and sang to me. Yes, this summer had been an exceptional one and I was not ready to put it into our past while being so unaware of our future.

Before he even says a word or moves to wrap me in his honey-tanned arms, I begin to cry. Slowly but surely it turns to weeping. Before long, fifteen minutes have passed and he simply holds me in his arms, whispering, "Shhh. It's okay. Shhh."

Taking a deep breath, I finally work up the nerve to look at him. A tear is streaming down his cheek. I reach up and wipe it away and hold his face in my hands. "How are we going to do this?" I question.

"We just will. I have no doubt in that."

"Really? No doubt? It's eight hours…" I trail off as I swallow the sob that is rising in my panicking throat.

"Kels, look at me." I look up as he grabs my hand. "I told you I will wait for you through this. We'll make it work. I trust you. Okay?" Through his sad eyes I see something else. There is an earnestness in them that begins to break through my panic. "There will be no one at Ozark like you. Kels, we'll make it work."

I could no longer stifle the tears. My bleary, red eyes peer at him and trust him. I simply nod my head as he wipes my cheeks clear then wraps me in his arms again. I could stand here for hours more, in this embrace that has come to mean safety and warmth, but I can't put myself through this right now. I pull away, indicating it is time, and he grabs my face and kisses me. I can taste the salt from his tears and mine as they intermingle on our lips.

it's beginning to look a lot like...

2011-12-09T18:21:00.005-05:00

You guessed it…Christmas. So here is the you-have-to-post-pictures-of-your-Christmas-decorations blog post.

When Meagan was here over Thanksgiving, she helped me find a little motivation to bust out the decorations. I'm not a grinch…but…not having a tree wouldn't kill me. Now that it is all up though, I'm happy we did it! [Oh and she wrote more about their time here over at her blog, with some awesome photos as well. Sigh. They're great. She even mentioned your dulcimers, Uncle Kirb!].

SO here is what it looks like around these parts these days, although you're more than welcome to just come see for yourself any time!! :)

[We had to add a little stocking this year, of course!]

The nativity set that Renae, my college roommate, gave me. Oddly enough, she and her husband received THREE nativity scenes for their wedding…in MAY…and they'd registered for none.
Brent and I finally got the lights up last week. And I LOVE THEM. He of course did the hard work on the roof, I just hung the lights around the windows etc. NExt year we may put them up in AUGUST thought because it took a long time for us to thaw out.

Hope you all are finding warmth as you prepare to celebrate Christmas. May we all remember the promise of that baby that came to us so long ago, and the new life we find in Him. Immanuel-- Lord with us. Merry Christmas!

baby bump: 23 weeks

2011-12-06T20:31:00.004-05:00

dear baby,

this week i have really been wanting to hold you in my arms. i know you are far better staying warm and cozy right now, but i'm beginning to feel the ache to see your face, and feel your skin, sing to you, and kiss your closed eye lids. i know we still have over three months to go, but my oh my how i love you.

you came with me to your first basketball games this week, and even though we'll love you no matter what, your daddy and i think you'll like basketball :-). speaking of that guy, you were putting on quite the show for him the other night. he was pushing on the lower right side of my belly because i told him that is where you were, and you kept pushing and pushing back, right where he was pressing. i have never felt you put that much effort into it. i don't know if he was making you mad or if you were giving him fist bumps!?

we also hung up christmas lights together. your dad did the tough, climb-the-ladder stuff, and we just stuck to the windows we could reach! i keep thinking about this time next year and how everything will be so different with you, nearly 8 months old, hanging around. you may just get me out of having to help hang lights at all…and for that, i want to thank you :).

i'm getting a little bit more anxious about getting your room ready, but if you make a deal to hold tight until the end of march, then i know i have plenty of time. more than that though, i know we want to get our hearts ready to receive you.

love, mom

"we're done now, thank you"

thankful is an understatement

2011-12-04T22:13:00.007-05:00

Last week was Thanksgiving.

I can hear the, "Well, duh"s resounding.

Last year on Thanksgiving we shared a wonderful flu bug with Brent's family, so this year was bound to be better. And it proved to be excellent indeed. If you are wondering just how we managed to pull off a Thanksgiving of such wonderful proportions, here are a few steps:

Step One: Convince your "lifer" friends to drive 10/11 hours to come stay with you for a few days over the break. [Enter Meagan and Shane. Shane was the worship intern with Brent. We fell in love. Literally. It's love. And then they moved to Indiana. And then they moved to Delaware. And then we moved to Missouri. And then they moved back to Kentucky. And then we all decided that getting rid of the state of Illinois is a campaign we can jump on! These are the friends mentioned here and here. ]

Step Two: It is best if you can schedule their arrival for around 3:30 AM Thanksgiving morning. This provides an air of festivity for all as you mumble your excited "hellos!" and show them to their room where they crash, understandably.

Step Three: Wake up and head out to your family's Thanksgiving get-together. Enjoy a wonderful time chatting with your awesome family, eating d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s. food, and being all around thankful for the blessings in your life. Oh, and don't forget to drag along your friends who have just driven through the night. Your family will love them!

Step Four: Jump in the car and drive to the other side of the family for some more food and fun. Have a very smelly Boston Terrier [who shall remain nameless] pass gas that forces the pregnant lady outside because it smells so terrible. This will provide much laughter for everyone and force the dog to be put away. It is a win/win for everyone!

Step Five. Return home. Change into sweatpants. Bust out the cards for a mean game of nertz. Remember that your cousin mentioned something about oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies. Immediately decide you need to make these.

Step Six: Make cookies. This is Meagan. She is awesome.

First scoop out a regular amount of dough

Then press the DOUBLE stuffed Oreo onto one of balls

Next grab another ball of dough and seal it around the Oreo…it's getting good folks!

Cookies will look massive. That's okay. They are supposed to.

MUST serve with a glass of milk. We were trying to be good stewards…use more milk than this!

Take a bite: and inspect

These are not staged photos.

I told ya you'd want that glass of milk...

Look at your friend and say, "uhmuhgosh, that boo my mind!"

Step Seven: After thoroughly enjoying the cookies, play Nertz until your eyes blur over. Call it a night at around 1:30.

Step Eight: Proceed to enjoy the rest of your time together by eating pizza, sharing a meal with your folks, going golfing [in 40 degree, windy weather?!], putting up Christmas decorations [inside, in 40 degree windy weather…I'll let you determine who you think did what], and stay up every night later than you should playing games [if you can manage around 150 rounds of Nertz, this is excellent], or simply sitting and talking and talking and talkingandtalkingandtalking and wishing you lived across town from one another again.

Step Nine: Realize it's "that time." Help them load their car, hug them quickly and don't really talk about what is happening, say "See ya soon!", and then cry as they drive away.

Step Ten: Thank the Lord for friends like them, because you know that kind of friendship comes around very rarely.

Step Eleven: In your depression over their departure, go finish off the batch of Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies.

*And yes, I only have pictures of food and us eating. And some of them are blurry because I was laughing at the responses to the cookies. :)

'druthers

2011-12-01T17:22:00.003-05:00

I love words like 'druthers.

We stumbled across this today in class [yes, in "To Kill a Mockingbird" :-)] when Atticus tells Jem, "We can't always have our 'druthers." I paused as I often do while reading with my students and explained what this word meant.

It originated from the combination of "would rather" or "I'd rather." When you run those words together it comes out sounding a bit like "druther." Eventually it came to be written as this [through the process of metathesis, as any good linguist would know!], and was most often used in the plural case, referring to things we want, or preferences we have.

And this got me to thinking, how many times in life do we focus on our 'druthers? As Atticus said, we can't always have them, and many of us would add that we feel we very rarely get them.

While thinking about my 'druthers today, I was confronted with someone else's reality: Jaque, my principal's wife and an elementary teacher, a friend from church, and a 30-something year old woman in our community, had to go back for her 2nd round of chemotherapy today. And my next door neighbor with two young boys was recently diagnosed with a rare form of cancer for which they don't know of a cure. Talk about 'druthers.

Jaque keeps up a journal on a website and as I read her thoughts about her 2nd round today, and her her fears over losing her hair, I realized how silly my 'druthers seem at the moment. She also wrote about some mundane things in life, that are immense blessings to her right now: keeping food down, a day when her students behave so she isn't so exhausted, strength, and her hair.

How often do I get upset because "I'd rather" my hair cooperate more in the morning? How often do I get annoyed that "I'd rather" not have to get up and go to the bathroom 2 times in the night because of my pregnancy? I have hair. I'm healthy enough to have a baby.

Perspective is something that is difficult to swallow sometimes. I think it is because we get so hung up by our 'druthers.

The Lord thankfully does not give us everything we want. And sometimes this means He stands aside and lets us suffer from things that are a part of this fallen world in which we live. But always, whether we have our 'druthers or not, He has promised to be there with us.

Please continue to pray for Jaque and her husband in this battle, as well as my neighbor and his family, but also let their struggle force you to not be so focused on your 'druthers and be thankful for each day we have.

baby bump: 22 weeks

2011-11-29T17:11:00.005-05:00

dear baby, you continue to amaze me, sweet daughter. just when i need a pick-me-up you squirm around or kick me in the gut and it is just the "hello!" that i need from you to remind me how blessed i am. every once in awhile i'll say, "hey, sweet baby…" and ask how you are doing. can you hear me? supposedly you can-- which i think is pretty cool because that means you get to hear me read my favorite book out loud to my students every day ["to kill a mockingbird"]… it also means you hear when i say, "i love you." because i do. deeply and fully, i do.

speaking of that, one thing i am loving right now is that i get to take you everywhere with me. i know i'll still do that, essentially, once you're born, but it will be different. i won't get your secret hellos and i won't know all.the.time that you are safe.

everyone still tells me that i don't look very pregnant, but i have a feeling you're going to make that perfectly clear in the next couple weeks. i'm praying for you and pray that you continually feel secure and protected. keep up the big work of growing, little one. i love you.

love, mom

celebrating brent

2011-11-23T12:13:00.005-05:00

Brent turned 26 on Monday. TWENTY. SIX. I can't even believe it. We're so old. :)

Brent gets his birthday off [paid vacation…what a perk!], so he used that time to finish painting our laundry room. It looks fantastic and after I clean it today I'll try to get some pictures up.

Monday evening we went out to my parent's for a supper of soup and Brent's parents were even able to come spend some time with us as well. We even had root beer floats for dessert! [Again, it's nice to be in our "Maycomb" so close to our parents at times like this :-)].

One of the highlights of the day though was that Brent got a video message from our sweet Caroline. We've watched over and over again :-) The quality isn't great [it's from a phone], but it's still worth sharing! [And at the end she is saying, "I wanna see Caroline…" too cute! ]

Hope you had a wonderful birthday, Brent! You are still the man of my dreams in every way. :)

baby bump: 21 weeks

2011-11-22T17:15:00.003-05:00

dear baby,

you just keep growing and growing! keep it up! i can't even believe that it's already been almost 5 months since you first began to form.

the big news this week is that your dad finally got to feel you kick. one night after supper you were persistent in your punches, and i was nearly certain he should be able to feel you from the outside. and sure enough you gave a big one on my lower right side and he looked at me and was smiling from ear to ear. please be that tenacious more so he can feel you again.

people are starting to feel the need to touch my belly more now too, but i don't really mind. i'm awful proud of you already so you can just flaunt yourself all you want, okay?

i hope you like thanksgiving food because i plan on treating you right this thursday as we celebrate our first one together. for the time being though, keep whirling and twirling away in there for as long as you would like!

love, mom

a tired old town

2011-11-19T16:36:00.005-05:00

As I mentioned recently, I'm reading/teaching "To Kill a Mockingbird" again with my sophomores. As I've said before, I'm slightly obsessed with this book. I could probably come up with 80 reasons why I love it. [And if you delete "slightly" and "probably" then those sentences are true]. However, when I came home from school/work, I looked out my front window and saw this:

They are totally stopped in the middle of the intersection at the corner where I live. And they sat there for approximately four or five minutes, just resting and talking and pointing [and being watched, little to their knowledge :-)]. They are maybe 8 or 9 years old. Finally, when whatever they were trying to accomplish with their stop was accomplished, they road again, all the while in the middle of the street.

Now what does THAT have anything to do with why I love "To Kill a Mockingbird?"

Scout and Jem Finch get to meander all over their neighborhood. At the beginning of the book Scout is a mere 6 years old, and Jem is almost 10 and yet they are all over the place with their sidekick, 7 year old Dill Harris. Their "summertime boundaries (within calling distance of Calpurnia) were Mrs. Henry Lafayette Dubose's house two doors to the north of us, and the Radley Place three doors to the south. We were never temped to break them. The Radley PLace was inhabited by an unknown entity the mere description of whom was enough to make us behave for days on end; Mrs. Dubose was plain hell." The adventures they are able to have within these parameters are formative, and they are many. Which brings me back to the bike boys outside my house the other day.

In those two boys I saw someone else: First, because I had just been immersed in the book that day, I saw Scout and Jem. But then, I saw my sister and I riding those same streets, not afraid to park in an intersection, and not afraid of being a couple blocks from home. We were safe. And we were always being watched…in a good way. Just like I was looking out my window at the boys, others looked out their windows at us, and if anything were to happen they would have been there for us, just as I would have jumped to those boys' rescue.

Once I made this connection, I realized there were so many other parts of the story of "Mockingbird" that I could relate to from my own childhood, and I began to understand even more my deep connection to the characters.

Like Maycomb, the town I grew up in and the town in which I now reside seems to be stuck in a simpler time. Scout describes Maycomb early in the book:

"Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks; the courthouse sagged in the square…People moved slowly then. They ambled across the square, shuffled in and out of the stores around it, took their time about everything. A day was twenty-four hours but seemed longer. There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with…closed doors meant illness and cold weather only."

And this is why two years ago Brent and I sat down and began talking about our dreams for our future. More than just I-would-like-to-be-here-in-my-job-then and I'd-like-to-have-this-much-saved-for-this-by-then, we talked about what we envisioned our daily lives to look like. When we began thinking about our children, we inevitably came back to the images, smells, and adventures of our own childhoods. We wanted open screen doors and a town square, and a slower pace, and larger boundaries for our kids to roam. Though we didn't express it this way, we realized we wanted them to be able to have a Dill Harris in their life and a Radley house surrounded with mystery on the outskirts of town. We wanted them to be able to walk to school and stand up for a Walter Cunningham because they knew where he came from. We wanted them to be in a town where people came out of their homes at one in the morning to help out when a neighbor's house caught fire. We wanted them to be able to walk next door and have cake with a Miss Maudie. And ultimately, we wanted them to learn about the human dignity that unites us all, and that most people are "real nice" once you get to know them.

And so we loaded a Uhaul and moved. We moved away from a lot of convenient things, and a lot of great friends, and an excellent job. We moved away and returned to "Maycomb," where we felt our dreams for our future children could take flight in its pot-hole filled streets and cracked sidewalks; where the courthouse sags in the square and people are a lot more likely to amble through life.

Are there days that I miss Louisville and the city? Yes. Are there times that I wish there were more people from my generation for Brent and I to spend time with? Absolutely. But then I think back to these dreams we discussed, which were such a big part of what brought us here. I realize that though we may feel like we are sacrificing having more people our age around, our kids will have the opportunity to learn that real courage is knowing "you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what" from a "Mrs. Dubose" in town. They will get to learn that a "Boo Radley" may just be the one to save them. And I hope they will also get to learn from an "Atticus Finch" who is still worth standing up for when he passes.

I surprisingly don't know who those two boys were on their bikes the other day, but I'm glad they chose to take their rest in front of my house and remind me of my memories so that I could remember my dreams.

hopes & dreams

2011-11-17T12:26:00.014-05:00

I just want those of you that are concerned to know this: I do not plan on ONLY blogging about the baby/pregnancy from this point forward. Sorry for two posts in a row over the topic. Those of you that don't care...read on!

Brent and I knew even before finding out the sex of this child that we wanted to pray for specific characteristics for our son or daughter to develop. In October we went for a stroll one evening and talked about our future hopes and dreams for this baby, and then we each picked two traits on our own if we were having a son, and two other traits if we were having a daughter. Then we shared with one another, discussed, and came up with our final list for each.

Last Thursday when we found out we were having a daughter, we pulled out that list and have begun praying. I wrote the traits on our bathroom mirror as a reminder to us everyday. We pray that the following adjectives will one day be used to describe our daughter:

joyful
modest
compassionate
hospitable

I've included the dictionary definition for each of these, but also a little bit about why we chose these specific traits for our daughter... in case you're curious.

1. joy·ful

adjective

1. full of joy, as a person or one's heart; glad; delighted.

2. showing or expressing joy, as looks, actions, or speech.

3.causing or bringing joy, as an event, a sight, or news; delightful:

Joyfulness was one of the first things we talked about for our daughter. We want her to always be full of joy, with a happy and full heart because she knows she is loved by us and her heavenly Father. But more than that, we pray that she will be a joy to those around her; that others' hearts will be lifted simply by being in her presence.

God's word on joyfulness: 1 Thessalonians 5:16 "Be joyful always." and Psalm 5:11 "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy."

2. mod·est

adjective

1. having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions.

2. free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house.

3. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress.

4. limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.

Brent decided modesty was something he emphatically wanted on the list. As he began to explain why, this trait cemented itself in my heart as well. In a society in which flashy clothes, fast cars, and big houses are becoming the norm, we want our daughter to be content in her material possessions, no matter how few or little they may be. We hope that she would know the pleasure of simplicity, and not gravitate towards extravagance. We also pray that she is modest in her behavior: not only in the way she dresses but also in how she speaks and shares herself with those around her.

God's word on modesty: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

3. com·pas·sion·ate

adjective

1. having or showing compassion: a compassionate person; a compassionate letter.

2. granted in an emergency: compassionate military leave granted to attend a funeral.

com·pas·sion- the noun

1. a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

I have always admired and respected compassion in other people, so I knew this must be on the list for our daughter. When I was a counselor at church camp one summer, a guest speaker explained to the kids in very simple terms what compassion is-- he said it is when someone's heart hurts, that your heart hurts too. We are praying that our daughter would feel compassion for others when they are hurting, and seek to comfort them in their hurt and need.

God's word on compassion: Matthew 9:36, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

4. hos·pi·ta·ble

adjective

1. receiving or treating guests or strangers warmly and generously: a hospitable family.

2. characterized by or betokening warmth and generosity toward guests or strangers: a hospitable smile.

3. favorably receptive or open (usually followed by to ): to be hospitable to new ideas; a climate hospitable to the raising of corn.

The gift of hospitality is something that has always been displayed to me very clearly by the women in my life: my mom, my grandmothers, and my aunts all carry this gift well. And so it has become a prayer that my daughter would learn to be a hospitable person as well. We pray not only that her home would eventually be a hospitable place to those she welcomes into it, but we also pray that she have a spirit of warmth and generosity that receives others well; that others will feel continually welcome in her presence.

God's word on hospitality: 1 Peter 4:9 "Show hospitality to one another without grumbling." and Hebrews 13:2 "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels."

*all photos courtesy of google images

baby bump: 20 weeks

2011-11-15T17:56:00.005-05:00

Woah! I almost missed this week!

dear baby,

this was a big week for you and me. it marks our halfway point! can you believe it? in another 20 weeks we finally get to meet face to face.

this was also a big week because we got to find out if you are a boy or a girl…and we are so, so very happy that you're a girl! you did awesome for your first photo shoot: you moved and flipped around like crazy, making sure we could get a good measurement of you from every angle. i think this means you're going to be a bit like your daddy-- he likes to move around a lot too!! you two will be able to entertain each other for hours.

i also finally caved and bought myself one of my favorite treats: oreos! when i ate them you kicked like crazy, which i think is a good sign that you're my girl :-) [and don't worry, even when we don't have these in the house your aunt kali will ALWAYS have these on hand]!

i read something the other day that made me think: you are the ONLY one who knows what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside. i think that is pretty cool. i love you with everything and will continue to keep you safe.

love, mom

when you wish upon a star...

2011-11-12T17:11:00.005-05:00

…it makes no difference who you arrrrreeee!!!! You know the song, right?

Well, Brent and I have recently gotten a big kick out of what has happened since THIS POST about my unending love for Olive Garden.

Doesn't that picture make your heart SING!!

Moving along…

After I wrote that post, I couldn't believe how many people said something about it. People I didn't even know read my blog had a comment about Olive Garden, or my slight obsession for it. Well, little did I know what was going on behind the scenes.

My good childhood friend Katie, who used to live in the house Brent and I now own, read my blog. "Aha!" she thought. "I should send this to Travis, the general manager of the Olive Garden here in town whom I just so happen to know since my husband used to work at that Olive Garden. Yes, indeed I will do it right now." [Or something like that. I'm not actually a mind reader and I don't know her exact train of thought]. So she sent him the link to this here little blog o' mine, copied me in the message, and poof it was done. I laughed at her silliness and said, "Well, maybe I'll get a coupon out of the deal!"

The next day I get a message from her: "Kelsey: Travis, the GM, wants you and Brent and Devin and me to come in for a dinner on him sometime! What works for you?"

And so our free meal was in the works. I couldn't stop giggling at the craziness of the whole situation. My words were going to provide food for my family [did that sound dramatic enough for you all?]. And last Sunday evening we met Katie and Devin at the place that makes time stand still, makes worries disappear, and makes pregnant ladies oh-so-happily-fed: Olive Garden. We shared an appetizer and salad and those delicious breadsticks and each ordered an entree of our choosing. We were too stuffed for dessert though Travis tried to bribe us into some. And when the time came to get our bill, our waitress simply said, "Travis has taken care of it." What a guy! What a place! What a meal!

It was a fun evening and great to catch up with Katie, and obviously great to fill up on excellent food. [Thanks for passing the blog along, Katie. And Travis, if you're out there, THANK YOU!]

And on one final note: Also since that post Brent and I have received two gift cards in the mail for Olive Garden [One from my sister and the other from my friend Joanna, both "claiming" they had sent them before reading the blog. Mmmhmm]. Thanks, guys! Also, Thursday when we had a reason to celebrate the news of our DAUGHTER, Beck and Joan [Brent's parents] treated us to a meal at…you guessed it…OG!

Oh sweet succotash, life is good! :-) Now if you'll excuse me I must clean the computer. I seem to have salivated while reminiscing.

*photo credit: www.metrocreativeconnection.com

drumroll please….

2011-11-10T21:45:00.008-05:00

After a fitful night of sleep, tossing and turning and full of anxiety and excitement for the next day, Brent and I woke up and began the countdown to 3:20 p.m. when we would get to see our baby for the first time in a sonogram.

Brent decided to wear this today: A blue shirt with a pink tie. What will the sonogram reveal?

Torri showed up at school and brought me this tray of cookies:

Even though some arms and legs had fallen off, and they included a dog just to make me laugh, it was a really cool gesture [and the cookies are delicious!]

In 2nd hour some of my girls brought me this cupcake with blue and pink sprinkles:

I didn't snap a picture of my voting sheets I had in my classroom but will tomorrow. My students were very excited which still amazes me at how sweet they are and how much they care about me.

Finally after waiting ALL DAY, at quarter after two, I walked to my car and my nerves and excitement just kept rising. I picked Brent up from the bank and off we went. In the car I was either jabbering or we were silent. We got to the doctor's office, I checked in, and five minutes later we were in the little room and I was having jelly rubbed on my belly [I was so glad I didn't have to sit and wait!! They got me in 15 minutes BEFORE my appointment time! Awesome].

The technician flipped off the lights and then began explaining the images we were seeing of our baby. Oh. My. Goodness. And some people think there is no God? These images were unreal and seeing our baby's heartbeat was simply incredible. Brent and I just held hands and smiled at the miracle on the screen.

Our technician, Kristin, was chatty, but very sweet and just kept showing us different parts. FINALLY, about five minutes in she asked if we wanted to know the gender. YES YES YES, I screamed at the top of my lungs [Okay, so it was more like a mild, "Yes, please]. And then she said nonchalantly with a smile…as if it weren't changing our lives forever…

"You're having a girl…"

I squeezed Brent's hand to keep from busting. He squeezed back. "Are you sure," I asked. [I just had to check]. And she said, "I'm positive. She's been flipping around and shown me about 6 times!"

We were/are thrilled. We both not-so-secretly were hoping for a girl. When we first got pregnant I whispered a prayer, "Lord, please give me a baby girl to love." Brent has always thought he would have a girl first. And he is going to be a phenomenal dad to a girl.

She printed off some pictures for us and sent us on our way. She said since our girl was moving so much it was tough to get a good profile [that's my child alright!], but here is one of the best ones: Her face is in the bottom right and you can see her nose and lips. The second "blob" on the left is her abdomen. Isn't she beautiful?!

We had given our family members two cards when we told them we were pregnant. #1 and #2. We called and said, "OPEN NUMBER TWO!" Squeals. What is better that already having 2 granddaughters? Having three!!! We met up with Brent's parents and went to supper [at Olive Garden, of course], and they were thrilled too. I thought my dad was going to bust, but instead nearly tackled both Brent and I in hug.

A girl. A girl. A girl. Brent teared up when we were in the waiting room after our sonogram. He's so excited. We can't wait to meet her!

And now I better get this blog posted so you all can stop wondering!!! :-) Thanks for being excited with us!

thoughts

2011-11-10T11:37:00.004-05:00

I wanted to just throw my thoughts on "paper" quickly before my sonogram.

In less than 24 hours I will know the sex of the child kicking and squirming inside of me.

I know our life changed a lot when we found out we were pregnant, but I feel like the sex of this child will determine so much more. Ultimately we are thrilled either way. [Minus the fact that if it's a boy I'll have to tell him the "castration story" someday!] But I am anxious none the less. I have had dreams about everything from missing my appointment, to boy, to girl...Brent even had one about twins!

However, this is more than just about the sex of the child. This will be the first sonogram I've had. It could reveal a lot of other "stuff." We have prayed for the health and safety of this child, but this is just one more of the unknowns we haven't seen yet...inside the womb. Is everything okay in there?

Regardless...this is our baby and we love him/her so much [so ready to stop typing him/her! :)]. Don't worry, we won't leave you hanging for too long after we know. Expect the reveal tomorrow sometime.

Also, the results on the voting reveal that most of my "blog followers" think I'm having a girl! [just barely]. However, the majority of my students voted that I'm having a boy [and they get CANDY if they were right!... sorry I can't teleport the candy to you via the blog if you are right, but feel free to exercise bragging rights].

HERE WE GO....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Prayer requests for this appointment: That my nerves would calm down [I'm so excited yet anxious], that the babe will cooperate and give us a good...ahem...angle so we can tell the gender, that I get a good report health wise
*Also please say a prayer for Jaque if you think of it. She goes in for her first round of chemo.

Why my students write...

2011-11-09T14:56:00.004-05:00

Here it is again. The annual event that began back in 2008. Why my students write. Every year they leave me breathless and so thankful that I have the job of teaching them. I like what I was inspired to write in year two: Why they write...is why I teach.

If you're interested:

Year ONE

Year TWO

Year THREE

And here is year FOUR:

I write because…

- it’s a way to express feelings without saying it out loud

- I want to be better at writing

- You can write what you feel without anyone judging you

- you can express yourself without people interrupting you.

- I can improve in writing if I practice

- my notebook will never judge me

- to tell things I don’t want to say out loud

- I can express my feelings

- I can tell secrets that no one will ever figure out

- it helps me make decisions

- I’m better at telling my feelings than showing them

- I’m bored

- I want someone to hear what I’m saying

- I secretly want someone to read it

- it clears my mind

- it opens my mind

- I learn things about myself

- my thoughts have meaning

- I can be heard

- I can’t be interrupted

- I’m busy

- I want to

- it’s easy

- I have something to say

- I’m good at it

- it is how I can communicate

- I feel shy and lonely

- it inspires me to do more things

- it makes me say stuff no one cares about but I do

- I can feel happy and sad or maybe both at the same time

- there’s only one voice that can be heard in the story

- no one else can have a say

- I have freedom to say what I want

- no one can change what I have down and say “that’s stupid”

- no one else feels the way I do

- it’s getting all the emotions out that I have inside

- no one can push me down

- it makes me feel strong

- I have my own say

- it makes me excited

- there’s things my parents will never know

- some words are too mean to be said out loud

- there’s too many thoughts to have in my head

- I get scared

- I feel like I get beaten down

- I hurt and writing makes it better

- no one sees the real me

- I can try to understand what I’m thinking

- Only I can tell people how I feel and when there’s no time to say it, then there must be time to read it

- One day I will show my mom how I feel and if it’s too hard to say maybe she will read it

- I don’t have the courage to say it

- there is no one to listen

- I have deeper feeling then what’s on the surface

- I can’t cry so I let my tears become the lead I engrave into the paper

- someday someone will find what I’ve written and will hear me

- I believe in myself if no one else does

- I want to explain myself

- I need room to air out my ideas

- I have a story inside of me

- I can’t keep track of my memories

- when I talk I hold back on what really needs to be said

- I hate being interrupted

- someday when someone finally reads this I can actually be heard

- because I’m lost and confused

- I’m afraid my words just aren’t enough

- I’m misunderstood

- I’m angry

- I want to make my dad proud

- it allows me to let out my emotions

- I don’t show emotion

- one day someone will understand

- no one tries to get to know me—they just make assumptions

- I may be different outside of school and I want to show teachers that

- it allows me to say what I need to say

- I am me

- people don’t give me a chance

- I need to say this stuff before going to the army

- I want to make my own choices instead of people telling me my choices

- I’m a jerk

- I want to be heard

- I get to speak my mind

- it brings me peace

- life is unfair

- my mother left me

- my father stayed

- I want to be remembered

- I want people to hear the real me

- it brings me clarity

- I can let others know they’re not alone in their troubles

- it gives me power

- I want to remember

- I’m not afraid to write

- my story has the right to be told

- writing is a joy

- of what I want to say

- it makes me stronger

- it makes me a better writer

- it takes whatever is on my mind, off of it

- it makes me feel free

- it makes me smarter

- I can bring anything I want to life

- all the pain feels better when I get it out of my system

- deep down I want to be a good writer and student but it never comes out the way I want and I want to get better

- I can express myself freely

- someday I won’t be who I am today and I might want to come find myself

- it is like breathing

- it is me, and I can make it my own

- it I’m falling I can give myself a paper ledge to cling to

- I never want to lose myself

- I’m lonely

- I love my nieces and nephews

- I want to be heard

- it is necessary

- if I’m pushed down I can use the notebook as a shield before I’m kicked

- I don’t know how not to

- not everyone can

- stories need to be told, even if there is no one to hear them

- there are things I can put on paper that I wouldn’t dare say out loud

- it sets off my imagination as if I were myself as a kid again

- it’s a good way to remember things

- on the inside I’m an emotional girl dying to let things out but knowing I’ve got to keep a tough exterior

- it takes my mind to a whole different place I never knew existed

- sometimes it’s like talking to myself

- my pencil and heart communicate writing things my brain can’t comprehend

- I choose who can see the writing and I’m not judged for it

- writing can’t be twisted around for rumors—it’s set in stone.

- I’m crazy and creative

- I let my true thoughts escape my brain and express myself

- I have nothing better to do

- maybe my writing will be valuable

- it leaves something of my personality behind when I’m dead and gone

- I’m smart

- I have too many thoughts I can’t say out loud but can’t keep in my head either

- there’s many choices to what, how, when, or why to write

- I’m my own person

- it blocks out everything and everyone

- I feel like I’m nothing and I want to know who I will become

- I’m scared of my thoughts

- I feel like there is nothing I can say that will help people understand me

- I just want my ugly, black hole to go away

- Most of the time I don’t say what I really thing, but what people want to hear

- I’m scared that if I tell everyone what I’m thinking they will cower away and run as if I’m a monster

- Now I can finally breathe just a little bit more

- I can escape the crazy emotions that never stop changing

- I can let go of the anger

- if I don’t nobody will every know who I am

- it makes me feel good

- there are so many things to be said

- nothing can stop me from doing it

- there are so many thoughts in my head

- I worry

- I’m a coward and can’t say my thoughts out loud

- what I write is worth writing

- I have an opinion and ideas

- My biggest fear is forgetting

- when I’m old I want to have reminders of what it felt like to be young

- maybe I can help someone else

- my emotions are ever changing and that frightens me

- I want to be heard instead of ignored

- I want to feel relaxed and let my thoughts flow

- it’s a good way to pass the time

- it’s fun to make stories about things that will never happen in our lives

- things don’t seem to come out right when I saw them

- I’m sad and it makes me happy

- it could be my last day

- I’m embarrassed to speak in front of people

- no one likes to listen to my feelings

- I don’t have enough breath to say everything I want to

- It’s like Autumn leaves falling out of the sky, the words just fall onto the paper

- it could change someone’s life

- I want people to know I’m more than just sports

- I feel like it helps me get through the pain

- I want others to not be afraid of writing

- it helps me calm down

- what I write might be famous someday

- it’s who I am

- so I can help people who need it

- I want to be a journalist

- it’s my way to relieve stress

- people make fun of me

- it’s hard to talk to my parents

- I’m left out

- I comprehend more when it’s written

- I’m a teenager

- I’m a kid

- I want someone to congratulate me for something good I’ve done

- I hope God will write back to tell me what I should do

- no matter how much I scream, no one screams back

- some people aren’t as fortunate

- my best friend loves to write and is amazing at it, but her dad doesn’t approve

- my handwriting sucks

- it’s fun to doodle

- I want to remember everything

- to show what I am capable of doing

- I do not want to remember what has happened to me, so I change the ending to make it happy

- I feel guilty about things I have done that were wrong

- I feel bad that I can’t help someone else be happy

- My boyfriend and I are fighting and I want to think about something happier

- I want my mom to just be proud of me for once, for something, and I don’t care what it is

- it puts my fantasies, imagination, and thoughts into words

- I don’t want to be the kid that gets yelled at

- I’m slightly neurotic and this keeps me sane

- when I write, sometimes I realize things about myself

- it’s so much fun to write

- tomorrow I may not be able to

- I like being creative

- it’s peaceful

- it helps the hurt go away

- it is a part of life that is with you all the time

- I have to; no person is forcing me to, but I have to

- without writing I would never be happy

- on paper, I am a totally different person

- I once read the quote, “Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”

- you don’t know me if you haven’t read everything I’ve written

- it is my escape from reality

- it is my escape from everyone else’s words

- my writing isn’t always pretty or pleasant, but neither am I

- you really want to know what I have to say, read my notebooks full of poems, song lyrics, and stories

- I love what I write about

- my life sometimes needs to be shared to make me feel important

- I have no one to talk to when I have problems

- it’s an escape route from reality and some of the bad things in life

- I think something important happens everyday

- I like to tell funny stories that have happened

- some days I have very nice handwriting and like to see it on paper

- the music makes me want to

- I can see a squirrel in the tree right now

I write…

- so that people will listen

- to give hope to those that are different

- to tell you this

- to influence not only myself, but others too

- to make it final; to make sure it stuck in this unfaithful world

- to help my mind ease even with all my problems and troubles floating around

- in hope that one day I would not disappoint someone

- to embrace others around me

- to get rid of my problems even if it’s just for a second, it’s a second my body and mind don’t take the load from all the past events that took place

- to not me like my mother yet become closer to my father

- to escape; to runaway from the world I know I’ll eventually have to face

- to discover myself, because when I’m on paper I find myself easier to read

- to tell about the past

- to make people laugh

- to make others remember what they had

- to prove myself; people don’t look inside to see the strength that I really have

- to show who I am; there is more to me than ‘the smart kid in the front row’

letters

2011-11-08T12:40:00.006-05:00

So here is the deal: My last name starts with an I.* I love my last name. I love my husband. I love that my husband was willing to share it with me.

I love the look of decorating with letters. Having your family's namesake represented by a colorful C or a kicky K or a perfect P is fun.

But the letter I is SO BORING. Seriously. Most of the time it is just a straight line. Other times it is written in cursive to try and kick it up a notch, but it still fails miserably in being interesting. AND because of this, most stores fail to carry the letter I. The other day I was in my favorite store ever, Kohls, and they had some cute ornaments on sale. They were peppermint candy in the shape of letters. Nearly ever letter had 2 rows. I thought maybe one row of Js was supposed to be Is so I dug and dug. To no avail. They literally had every letter except for the letter I.

I can't say that I blame them though. It is a sad and depressing little letter.

Later that same day Brent and I were at Wal-Mart. We were in the checkout line and could see some monogrammed mugs lined up on a shelf. I pointed out to him that there was no letter I mug. He responded and said that one of them was turned around and that that one was probably an I. I got out of line, walked over to the mugs, and turned the backwards one around. An S. Go figure. Ss get all the glory.

I've had this conversation with my sister in law who married into the same I-trouble. She agrees that finding a good I is like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack. My friend, Micah, bought me an I from Anthropolgie when I got married. And it is actually cute [letters can be cute, trust me]. But it is orange and fuscia and how could that not be cute? I have searched high and low to find a low key version of this [because let's be honest, those colors don't go everywhere]...and nothing. nada. zip.

So next time you buy a letter for your wall, be glad your last name doesn't start with an I. Be glad that you have a letter that fills some space. Be glad that you have a letter that can be found in stores. Be glad that you have a letter that doesn't bore everyone to tears.

And if you ever happen to stumble across a funky and spirited I, please let this desperate home decorator know!!

*I try not to post my last name on the blog for security reasons.

Baby Bump: 19 weeks

2011-11-05T22:42:00.007-04:00

dear baby,

you are moving and squirming so much this week! one night i asked your dad to put his hand on my belly because i knew for certain he'd be able to feel you… unfortunately you're just not strong enough for him to feel your little punches yet. next week?

we've thought a lot about names, and we're both a little shocked that we came to an agreement so early! so whether you're a boy or a girl [and we get to find out so soon…please cooperate for your first photo shoot next week, okay?], we have a great name lined up just for you and you alone. at least, we think it's a great name and we really hope you do too.

we've also been talking about your nursery some. geesh! there is just so much to think about, but i promise to have it all ready for your big debut. so stay in there until march, but know that i'll be ready…and will have lots of hugs and kisses for you too.

love, mom

***

We have our sonogram on THURSDAY. If everything goes well and the baby cooperates, we'll know the sex that day. When Brent proposed…and I promised I'll get to that part of OUR STORY soon…part of the evening included a gift. I opened the bag and pulled out two newborn outfits:

He then said, "I'm so glad that you'll be the mother of my children." Yeah…it's a really good story…bet you can't wait to hear the rest…but that is for another post entirely. Anyway, I pulled out these two outfits the other night and we both had a little moment when we realized one of our big dreams is coming to fruition. Five years later, we're very anxious to put our little bundle in one of these outfits. But which one will it be?! Five more days and then we will know! :-) I'll be sure to keep you all informed as well. [And interestingly enough, the vote has evened out to 50/50! If you haven't voted yet, your time is running out!]

it's what i do

2011-11-04T12:50:00.006-04:00

When I got home from work today I had a few things to do online so I clicked over to facebook. Status after status, I read things like: "YAY! I don't have to go to work again for another 2 and 1/2 days!" or "FINALLY…the weekend."

Now, don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy my weekends-- the time to sleep in, relax, wear sweats, catch up on cleaning and tv shows and time with Brent. But I don't ever DREAD going back to work on Monday. Even though I still view getting out of bed in the morning as THE WORST THING EVER [I know, I know..."You're gonna have to get over that in about 4.5 months..."], once I'm up and moving, I really don't ever mind going to work. I love seeing my students and interacting with them daily. I just realized too that I haven't written about teaching in awhile, but I used to all the time [click here and read away to see that I'm telling the truth!]. Well, despite my lack of writing about, I still am thoroughly loving it.

We are currently getting ready to start reading To Kill a Mockingbird in LA II, which just happens to be my FAVORITE BOOK EVER! So I'm really looking forward to teaching it again.

And my LA III kids are writing short stories, and although that leaves me with hours to grade, they are always a treat when I get to see the creativity of my students.

Three and a half years ago I was exhausted and wondering if I could really pull off being a teacher. I was living in a city in which I still knew almost no one, teaching an entire section of students with LD "hits" in reading and writing, completely the worst teaching internship program every created [which required FIFTY out of classroom hours and like 10 observations which required three meetings PER observation…ugh…still makes me mad], still figuring out marriage, and living hours and hours from "home." Every day I woke up I had to convince myself that things would get better and that I just needed to keep plodding on. I would say to myself, Kels, you love what you do. Everything is going to click soon. Don't kill your students today. And then I would pray, Lord, give me extra patience to get through today.

I knew that the overwhelming "stuff" would come, which is why I wrote myself a letter a few weeks before that first year started. I have often returned to this letter when I need a little reminder:

Dear Kelsey,

I am writing this so that you remember what it is like to be passionate about your job. I am writing this so that you remember the rush you felt when you walked into your classroom for the very first time.

You will, unfortunately, be used and manipulated, and you will be tested by students who want to get a step ahead, but when they look back in 30 years they will remember most how you responded to their efforts. Remember your classes from college-- sitting around tables, brimming with excitement when you discovered a new teaching method that worked. Getting that report back after student teaching that said, "I feel like you've been at this for years."

Don't forget this is your dream. Don't forget the imaginary class you used to teach in your bedroom--wind whistling through your missing teeth as you read Dr. Seuss to stuffed animals.
Don't forget this is your gift. The Lord has blessed you with the abilities to control a classroom and hold students' attention; to bury these gifts would be a shame. Don't forget the notes you received from your Seniors when you finished student teaching, or the money your freshman raised for your move to Kentucky. Don't forget what it felt like to leave those students and know you had given them 100%.

You will get tired. You will get sick of the routine...but so will your students, and they are looking to you to see if you will break this time. Don't break. Let them know you need their support as much as they need yours. Let them know that you expect the world from them...and don't ever stop believing that they will give you anything less.

Don't forget the time everyone around you was confused about the direction they were headed; about what career they would land........and then remember that you've always known-- that "I am a teacher" comes as easily to you as your name.

When papers stack up to be graded, write each comment with compassion, like you always said you would. Your students will read your scribbled writing in purple, "Be sure to pick past/present tense and stick with it throughout-- it will make this beautiful story even stronger." And they will hear in those words, "Someone still is taking the time to believe in you."

Remember to wear comfortable shoes because you need to be actively moving about your classroom all day.

When at first they don't understand Shakespeare, stick with it and remember the note you received from jock Jake's mom that said he was coming home talking about Romeo and Juliet.

Remember your "mission statement" in college that you wrote saying you will "Teach students, not subjects." Remember your college's vision for "Teacher as a Servant,"---that you aren't doing your job completely unless your students feel as if they are being served. Remember that Jesus was a great teacher. Remember to learn from your students. They have so much to teach you-- don't become too proud and forget this.

Above all remember that you love what you do. And remember that nothing done in love is ever wasted.

Sincerely,
Kelsey

So today when I read what others were saying about their jobs I was reminded just how blessed I am to have a career that I love to do. I was reminded of this letter I wrote myself over 4 years ago. I was reminded of how far I've come. I was reminded, once again, that nothing done in love is ever wasted and that my students notice.

Have a great weekend! :-) [And the 19 week baby bump will be appearing on a blog near you soon]

Our Story: Part X

2011-11-02T16:48:00.007-04:00

So sorry to have taken such a long pause in getting back to this story. We're finally to the good parts too! Hang in there with me…hope you're still reading :)

To read this story from the beginning, click HERE and scroll to the bottom. Enjoy!

Part X:

Progression

Prom season found its way to my school in the spring. The girls bustle with excitement, sharing hair styles and dress colors. Brent and I are still communicating, in some form, daily. Mainly I still hear from him through emails, on occasion on the phone, and at least once a week at bible study or when our friends get together. Honestly, not much as changed between us since February.

Two months have passed without so much as a hand being held. One hug has been shared. I am becoming increasingly aware of these voids in the growth of our “relationship.” After all, aren’t those things supposed to happen naturally when you start “seeing someone?” When someone knows you like them, aren’t you supposed to show, in some physical way, affirmation that you like them too? I’d been waiting for this relationship to develop for what felt like an eternity, and now that it was happening I felt like I was just allowed to smile more freely around Brent—but not express anything else through a physical touch. I knew he liked me, because there was the song, and the secret side glances, and the increasing number of questions he asked in order to know me more. But I can’t help but wonder if something is wrong that causes him to pause when he wants to reach for me hand? Have I crossed too deeply into the “friendship threshold” to make him cringe at the thought of ever hugging me—or ever leaning in for a kiss?

We are close, very close, there is no doubting that. We share secrets and intimate moments, but my goodness I want to hold his hand—to feel its warmth in mine and know we are connected in a way he has connected with few others. Am I asking too much of our 2 month relationship? I asked my friend Brandon, who was well-versed in women and relationships—if there was something I was doing wrong. His advice? “Put on the Beatles ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ the next time you’re in the car together.” Eye roll.

***

Spring was beginning to assert itself more openly on the trees around town, and Brent was coming over for supper. After eating we move to the front porch, our feet tucked under the railing and dangling into the evening air. As we chat, we subconsciously move closer and closer together. Eventually, amidst a conversation about future careers and college choices, our swinging feet become intertwined. As my left leg interlocks with his right, the conversation does not stop. I feel no tension enter the air. My pulse quickens slightly at the rare contact happening between us. The chill of Spring quickly seeps out of the woods around us, but I am determined to stay out here, legs linked, as long as my numbing body allows.

***

I slide into the pew next to Brent. Wednesday night youth group in St. Joe is one of my favorite times of the week. Not only do I get to have real worship with kids my age, but I get to see him. Sigh. The thought still makes my toes tingle.

As the youth pastor begins his announcements, Brent jots me a quick note on an old bulletin left in the pew from Sunday.

What do you want to do about this whole prom thing?

Is he seriously asking me to prom via a note, in the middle of youth group? Whatever. I’m too excited at the possibility of getting dressed up and dancing with him that I don’t care how lame it is.

I don’t care. What do you think? I scribble back, caring very deeply but still trying to play it cool in case he thinks it was the worst idea ever.

I mean, if you want to, we can go… I think its April 16^th.

I notice his wrong form of "its," affirming that my desire to pursue an English degree in the fall is the right one. And is he still testing me or does he really WANT to go? Okay…cool…sounds good to me. Mine is May 7^th.

Okay. :)

And with that, our “conversation” was over and I had a date to prom.

***

April 16^th came quickly. My pink, strapless tulle dress drapes my 18 year old frame. Brent pulls into the driveway and the cameras come out. He is wearing his dad’s old three piece suit as he hands me a corsage of daisies. He wraps his arm around my waist for a picture and I nearly shudder at the touch—I’m not used to feeling his body so near my own.

He holds the door open to his red Passat, the same car we shared our conversation in back in February, and as I grab the bottom of my dress and climb in I smile at him. He waves to my parents, still standing on the front porch with their cameras out, as he maneuvers around to the driver’s side. On the way out of town he nearly runs off the road. I grab the center console and he simply says, “Sorry, I just couldn’t stop looking at you.”

His school’s prom is held in the cafeteria. We enter the room and are immediately ushered over to the photographer. “Are you a couple or just here together?”

“A couple,” Brent answers without hesitation, answering not only the photographer’s question but mine as well.

“Okay, then I need you to stand behind her and put your arms here and…here…like so…perfect. Now you, lovely lady, if you could place your hands on his…perfect. Hold that.” I hope Brent doesn’t feel my heart pounding. He has his arms wrapped around my waist and is breathing on my neck—this is by far the closest I have ever been to this guy. FLASH! “Great, thanks. NEXT!” And just like that the moment has passed.

We sit down and we eat and laugh and then the music begins. I wrap my tan arms around his slender neck and we sway back and forth as the multi-colored lights dance on the white tile floor. Our conversation hops from topic to topic with the rhythm of the music, and when I divulge the secret that I’m not ticklish, he feels the need to check. He reaches for my armpits, and though I look dainty and lady-like, I know that he’ll find a large amount of sweat if he really reaches them. My reflexes are too slow and I grimace as he notices the perspiration. I’m finished. Totally finished. Why can’t I just “glisten” like a normal girl? Why do I have to sweat SO much?! He retracts his hand, and trying to save the moment I say something like, “I may not be ticklish but I sweat.”

I wait for what seems like minutes as he wipes his fingers inconspicuously on his suit jacket before he says, “It is kind of warm in here.” Unbelievable, he’s actually not going to send me packing right now!

The dance quickly withers like a rose in the heat of July, and so we gather our shoes and other belongings that are piled along the wall. Our friends ask if we’d like to join them for bowling, but we decide to pass—after all we only get so many moments together. After going back to his house, filling his parents in briefly on the hoopla of the dance, and changing into more comfortable clothes, we drive to a near by town with no specific plans on our mind; we don’t need plans, we have one another’s company. We stop at a gas station and tumble back into the car, and then…with no revelry or fanfare… he puts the car into drive and reaches over and grabs my hand.

I expect it to be like the time I held another boy’s hand in 8^th grade. We were at a super bowl party and our hands met, and we stayed like that, glued to the other, for the remainder of the game, afraid if we moved the other would let go. Two hours of sweaty palms and no movement is a strange thing. But here, in this car with Brent, it is the most natural thing to be holding his hand. I am not afraid to move, or even let go, because I know it will be there again. I caress his palm with my thumb as our conversation flows throughout the evening.

***

I find myself counting down the days until my school's prom—May 7^th seems to be dragging her pretty little feet. Eventually though, when I wake up, it's finally here.

This prom I'm going to hold nothing back. I know he is interested. We've held hands a couple times, and I look dang good in my black and white dress. This time he has rented a tux and borrowed his sister's black Tahoe. We are riding.in.style.

We decide, in order to save a little cash, to drive through Fazoli's and take our food to a park. We order, and I set my lemonade on the dashboard, bend over to fix my shoe strap, and Brent slams on the gas to get in the correct lane of traffic. My drink flies over…all over my beautiful dress. Normally, in this situation, I would freak out. But he's so apologetic and just so cute that I can't do anything but laugh. I scrounge around and find napkins to soak up the mess, and by the time we arrive at the park I'm feeling a little put back together.

Brent says grace and we dig in to our pasta meals. My stomach has been turning with excitement all morning, and I can barely calm it down enough now to eat. This NEVER happens to me. I glance across the picnic table at Brent and in my own silent prayer thank the Lord for this blessing. I notice Brent looking at something across the pond and follow his line of vision. A wedding! I hope beyond hope it is a sign, but then focus on trying to get some food in my stomach lest I scare this poor boy away.

We finally make it to the dance, no real signs that I'm wearing my lemonade, and begin to mingle with my friends. But as the night progresses, we continually find ourselves lost in conversation. He knows better than to try to tickle my armpits now, and as we slow dance on the gym floor it is as if we are the only ones in the room. I link my arms closer around his neck, and his hands link more to embrace me closer as we dance. The DJ switches to a new song and we continue to sway in the silent embrace listening to the lyrics, One word, that's all you said/ something in your voice caused me to turn my head. Your smile, just captured me, and you were in my future as far as I could see…You had me from hello…

"That's pretty much how it went," he whispers in my ear. I don't say anything, but feel the freedom to lay my head on his chest as he begins to sing in my ear.

Lord, if this night goes on forever I'd be okay with that, I pray as the song draws to a close.

***

We again forego an evening with friends and head back to my house. My mom has laid out all the necessary tools for making smores and my dad has stoked the fire, a real sign that this guy is growing on them too. We pull up our lawn chairs and in the glow of the fire I realize we are becoming more than just friends. I'm so overwhelmed by the situation and the evening and our inevitable futures apart that I become very quiet.

Noticing the change, he reaches over and grabs my knee. "You know, Kels, if I have to wait for you through four years of college I will."

baby bump- 18 weeks

2011-10-29T11:45:00.005-04:00

dear baby,

i’m so glad you’re finally starting to show yourself. i know it has only been 18 weeks, but i’m already anxious to hold you in my arms. i have felt you fluttering away in there for a couple weeks now, and each time i feel like i get to know you a little bit more [kick again?...like now, please].

your dad and i are having a lot of fun dreaming about what our days will look like with you in them. even though he can’t feel your movements yet, he still rolls over in the morning and lays his hand on my belly to tell you “good morning.” [just so you know, we’re big fans of that guy].

we still are waiting to find out for another two weeks if you are a boy or a girl, and we’re very excited to hear the news. we plan on being immensely thrilled either way, just in case you’re worried.

for now, stay warm and cozy and keep growing and getting stronger. i will take good care of you [which means less coffee in the morning? eh? what do you think?]

i love you so much already!

love, mom